Silver Anniversary

At 10.30 we will cross that 'threshold' metaphorically to our silver anniversary.

The years fly. I can barely remember this time 25 yrs ago.

The future was before us, a blank slate, waiting to be filled with shared dreams and adventures.A future that was filled with all the hope and promise two young twenty-somethings with the world at their feet could ever imagine.

When I think of all we have been through together, the brilliant and not so. Life has sometimes thrown us what we least expected but we survived by the grace of God..

Hard times can rock the boat , sink the love.We have certainly had our share of hard times...so the kayaks were a great gift - staying afloat through whatever came our way. We've endured many obstacles and and been through storms of infertility, loss of our daughter and both had cancer.

It's hard to believe that 25 years have gone by since we stood together and our marriage vows were first spoken...how did we get this old ?

I had the crop the ugly concrete out. The wedding album is somewhere.

 
We have survived owner building a home , living in a caravan (x 3), renovations and running our own business and working together for 19 years.We also suffered the loss of our daughter born still.

The strength to stay together in the face of these trials has truly been a gift from God; our faith has held us up tremendously.I give thanks to God.

There are no secrets I can share, no recipes for love , no magic formula for why our relationship has out lasted many others. I don’t think my hubby and I are any better at this spouse/husband/wife gig than others around us.

I can't begin to know or understand what other peoples reasons were, but I’ve no doubt they were good enough reasons. Sometimes there isn't even 'reason' enough. Not for a minute do I consider or judge couples that divorce; that didn’t try hard enough to make it work, or love each other enough, or any other 'enoughs'.

For many people divorce is not the first line of defense. It can happen sometimes when one person is least expecting it. I know that even when a marriage is suffering or plain bad , deciding to end it is painful.

Love is an act of the will, and can be expressed in various degrees. It isn't always truly, madly deeply.
I hope that we have a respite from the struggles and can pause a moment , to just reflect and recognize all that we do have and enjoy it simply for what it is, without thinking about what it is not.

I feel blessed to have found someone I can live with in relative happiness and who can say the same about me or perhaps we just put up with each other faults & all.

Really I wonder if we’ve just been lucky... meeting as we did on a blind date via the radio (pre internet).

I shouldn’t ever take for granted what I have and to always put an effort into showing my long suffering dear husband that I appreciate him. Like many others I can be difficult to live with sometimes...

9125 days

219,000 hours

hundreds of second chances !

 ♥

Life, interrupted again.

I know ...

It's been a challenging few weeks days.


I've had moments when I have felt so sad but had no-one to turn to. My resilience tank is running on empty.

Overwhelmed ! I can't say too much here.

My Life , a wild, scary roller-coaster ride ...not much coasting along, though lots of screams.

It is two weeks since my 2nd Chemo and I'm on the countdown to my 3rd cycle next Friday. Physically, I feel better and less weary.

I've got chemo brain memory loss, and now missed the same appointment twice with Speech therapist at Community Health Centre. I haven't the courage to call and apologise a 2nd time ...yet.

I'm not a hypochondriac but every twinge and little pimple or bump thing has me worried.

Now, I am bald, I feel very self conscious and uncomfortable in social situations ... kind of does my hair look alright - sans hair !

I'm nervous about driving and my confidence in everything is shaken. I can't really explain it.

I've yet to be fitted for proper breast prosthesis .The time is nie , now my scars are healing. A private fitting is being organised. I still don't know what clothes I can wear, when winter clothes won't hide cover me up. I threw out 4 bags of clothes the other day.

Yesterday, was the second time I've worn a bra (in over 9wks), with soft 'stuffing' ,because my friend encouraged me to go to the gym. It was good to get back into it but daunting.

I am still paranoid people are looking weirdly at me  giving me the once over, twice !! 

I found this post by SULEIKA JAOUAD ~ Six Ways to cope with Cancer very enlightening and helpful

This is not me but it is the same scarf

The bright spot that made me grateful this week was receiving a beautiful care package of some gorgeous headscarves from the sister of one of my readers, M. I'll tell you more about Lily in another post. Lily, also cheered me up when she called me too on the weekend.

this one too - http://www.amoena.com/us/Products/Scarves/Cotton/Anemone.htm

I still have to learn to tie the scarves, fashionably, and work around the interference with my BAHA hearing aid. The friction of the fabric covering it makes white noise or squeals but it isn't too unbearable once I get it positioned right.

I get 'sore' ears though from having my ears wrapped up/in...like when you've been too long on the phone.

Today, I am also reflecting on 8yrs ago when I was induced to give birth to my daughter, Charlotte, born still, the next day.

Grief ; it's so complex. I'm still trying to absorb it into my life . I know it has changed me as a person. Interrupted and changed my whole life in fact. My whole circle of friends. A new online community and some of whom became real life friends as dear as any I have known for years.


What do you know this week ?

Update - The Speech therapist called me , I'm so grateful she is very understanding ; )

♥

The candle ~ Wave of light

Charlotte was cradled in my womb for six months, briefly in our arms and forever in our hearts. Here is her name in the sand ...I've come to WA to see this beach.

It is estimated 1 out every 4 Australian women has lost a baby at some stage; most of us know someone who has.

15th October seeks to honour these babies in a collaborative wave of light. As today is recognised as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  

I am quietly grateful for all the candles, though I rather there were less ...it means we are not alone ! 
I am grateful for remembrance !

Light a candle at 7pm for one hour to create a worldwide wave of light for 24hrs. 
Across the globe in all time zones - candles will burn brightly in memory of babies too precious for this earth.

" There is no greater tragedy in life than the loss of a child.Unfortunately, because our babies live only within our wombs or they live outside of the womb for a short period of time, an uneducated society often minimizes the importance of their short lives and, in turn, our grief is trivialized.” Clair Baca

How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

If you have lost a baby (or grand-baby or sibling) you are not alone. My heart goes out to anyone reading this today who has said goodbye to a precious baby all too soon.  

It is my sincere wish that those touched by the loss of a baby are well supported, able to process their loss and hopeful for the future...(not my words but heartfelt wish)

I am sorry for your loss. I know words cannot ease your pain nothing ever will but tonight at 7pm I will light a candle in memory of our babies. Please pass the message along , join in where ever you are.

A quiet moment for lighting a candle in memory of your baby . . .

"Dear baby of mine, please see this light as a symbol of our never-ending love for you. Please understand that this love knows no limits or bounds; it conquers even the hold of death. Let this light shine in memory of our love for you, in celebration of the life we shared together, however brief, and in the hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day. We feel your spirit with us even now, gently guiding and strengthening us. With this light we will remember the true gifts of the season: memories of joys past, hope for present peace and love to last a lifetime. We will forever feel your presence and love you always."

PILARI are asking people to sign their petition to have it fully recognised in Australia.

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Thankful for Heartfelt

Today I am thankful to be welcoming in Spring though it is always a day we will never forget.

Seven years ago , we said hello and goodbye ♥ to our daughter Charlotte Rose ♥ fly free little one.

Every whisper of a breeze, every butterfly I see, a kiss of sun on my face and the scent of the roses in our garden , reminds me ... not just today but always.

As time goes by, the tears may roll less often, but each 1 still feels the same, love mingled with loss ♥

I am thankful for the heartfelt messages I have received. I appreciate it more than I can say. I treasure each comment made and consider it a thoughtful act of friendship. I know that as time passes people forget and it hurts.

One of my regrets is that we have so few photos of Charlotte and even us with her. At the time we didn't think or never even considered photographic memories. The Midwife did take a few photos , blurry and grainy, none the less precious.


In recent years an organisation called Heartfelt , was born, after a family experienced the loss of their own child .  

Heartfelt is the giving of photographic memories.

Heartfelt is a volunteer organisation of professional photographers from all over Australia dedicated to giving the gift of photographic memories to families that have experienced stillbirths, premature and ill infants and children in the Neonatal Intensive Care Units of their local hospitals, as well as children with serious and terminal illnesses. 

 

Heartfelt is dedicated to providing this gift to families in a caring, compassionate manner.

All services are provided free of charge.

To contact a heartfelt photographer 1800 583 768

You might also care to read this story by Fi @ Lumsdaine Photography and read Kristie's letter about her recent experience with Heartfelt and her son ~Avery ~, and on her blog too , read her posts here 1 , 2 & 3

You can Like Heartfelt on Facebook.

I sincerely hope you never need the services of HEARTFELT.
I am telling you because just in case someone you know does - please tell them about HEARTFELT.

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Not another Blogopolis post ~ just a quick update.

So I grand plans to write up the greatest post conference post but sorry if you want that go here , here or maybe over here and most definitely here for the best round up of all the master classes

Imagine - 51 Blog Tools & Resources Mentioned at Nuffnang Blogopolis #nnb2011
Most of you know I made it despite the turn of events this time a week ago. I appreciated the kind offers. (I just haven't got back to reply to comments because it's so hard on my iPad - it keeps calling me TRASH ! )

I finally got to meet Mel, my dear URL friend who I've known online for six years, now I can count her as IRL because I now know she isn't a balding man in his 60s pretending to be a mum lol * (*pinched this off her facebook status from her friend).

We actually met in online IVF ~ want to be parents forum. 

Her little lads are delightful and I was pleased my own little drummers got to play with them for a bit, till my hubby started the trek back to Sydney with them and caravan in tow.

Mel put up with me gave me dinner and a bed for the night. She also works in the CBD and set me on the right train to the Blogger's Brunch.
Fortunately, I was rooming with the gorgeous Kirsty @ Mummy to five (5.5yrs and under people- she is one amazing lady) , including a set of twins. After the conference we both had an early night and early departure back home.


I am still recovering , not from any hangovers at pre and post drink sessions but from a cold virus. It rendered me voiceless by the afternoon of the conference and with a nasty dripping nose and hacking cough.Still voiceless.

I was very disappointed I didn't have a voice left to ask where some lovely ladies I wanted to meet were and much less the ability , feeling so unwell by conference end.

Still, I, thoroughly enjoyed the day with Kate Our Little Sins , Jodie from Muddled Up Mumma, Grace from Musings of Mama Grace and Maria from Mum's Word and Leigh from Absoluteleigh who I've had the pleasure of meeting a few times before.

I  enjoyed immensely the Blogger's Brunch and Nuffnang Conference , I just don't have the energy to articulate my thoughts into coherent sentences right now. I have serious brain information overload and sleep deprivation.

I learnt overall I need to make a few blog changes AND despite what they said I am definitely staying on blogger...
By far the conversation that had the biggest impact was a heartfelt chat to Fi about Heartfelt and I will write more on that later.

I came home to two children joining me in my coughing chorus and snot trumpeting choir , as well as a burst hot water system. Thank goodness we still have hot water - how I can't tell you, but my man knows all about it and how to fix it Wednesday because he has ordered us a new one.

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How to help when a Baby dies ?

Firstly, I personally don’t know anyone who is entirely comfortable talking to the bereaved after the death of a loved one.Let alone, when it is a family or friend's precious baby who has passed away before birth , during birth or soon after.

I know ... losing a baby at any time is one of the most devastating experiences that any family can experience. Whether 12 weeks , 26weeks or a full-term baby, it's beyond tragic .

I know we had already prepared a lifelong place for ~Charlotte~  in our family before we met her. All parents have hopes and dreams for their baby and beyond.

There are no easy answers when a baby dies and your whole world is shattered.

As family or a caring friend, you might ask

"What do I say?"

"What can I do?"

The grief journey is very painful one for a baby’s parents. Nothing prepares parents for the separation from their baby.

I know we travel to a place not on any map and we don't know when we will arrive or leave. It's a place we have never been to (hopefully) and everyone has a different experience. 

Bereaved parents will need the support of their loved ones now more than ever before but seldom will they ask... for anything

So how can you help? here are a few things you might to consider from my personal experience.

1. Use the Baby's name if named ...do not keep saying " The Baby   ". You can help bereaved parents by listening to them to talk about their loss, if they want and you feel able to listen. Ask them gently if they want to talk about {insert Baby's name}.Don’t try to protect them from their grief – help them face it and if you need to cry, do it. If they cry, silence is ok while they cry ; put a hand on them gently, hug them (if appropriate), pass the tissues, or if you feel too uncomfortable say "I'll put the kettle on to let you have a few minutes (?)." Respect their rights to express whatever they feel or think - regardless of how strange it may seem to you if they seem angry or calm or whatever.
2. Bring them a meal *or simple groceries to cook (they may be too distracted to cook ).Offer to help with their house cleaning or offer to mind or occupy their other children , it will be appreciated even if they say   "NO thank you  ". Even offering to read their surviving child a story or play with them in their own home while they rest or take care of the cleaning *.
3.  Phone, visit or send a card : if you don't know what to say a simple message, We love you and we are thinking of  you and baby {insert name if known} today. Especially remember the DUE DATE if the baby died in utero or was born alive early (before the due date). Even an email is some comfort especially if you don't know them too well, for example online or a co worker and don't have a physical address. (There is always Google to help with kindly worded sentiments)
4. A gift is not necessary; some like to give flowers or a plant: nurturing a living thing can be very comforting for grieving. We were given roses for a memorial garden. A trinket , figurine, ornament or piece of jewelry etc may be chosen by family or a close friend especially, if it is something they know symbolises the baby ~ a Butterfly , an Angel or anything really.
5. A sense of normalcy is very therapeutic for healing.It's okay to laugh and tell talk about other things, even your own children and theirs. We know life goes on, it just that ours has changed forever.
6. If someone you know has experienced pregnancy or infant loss and is past the intense grief stage of their own loss, ask them if you can give their phone number or email to the newly bereaved parents. A note in a card is okay. Talking to someone who has been through a similar loss , not necessarily a professional counsellor ,can help to take the isolation out of grief and spare a spouse for a while. (Hospitals usually give plenty of bereavement literature to parents or there is so much available online now)

What not to say ?

1. When a baby is lost families [and others] often have a desperate need to know why their baby died but now is not the time to ask...what happened .They probably won't know themselves.You can ask What did {baby's name} weigh and how long was {baby's name}?" etc
2. Don't encourage them to be strong ...or say how well they are coping or ... "Don't be sad. Don't cry  " -    "It will be ok   " -   " It's for the best  "  (e.g.when you know it is genetic) 
3.  Appreciate that they miss this baby, who can never be replaced by another child. If a twin is lost never say 'At least you still have one baby'.
4. Understand they may not want to know who is newly pregnant or newly delivered in your social circle. It's difficult if you were part of an anti-natal parents group ...be sensitive when sharing such news in the early days.
5. Don't compare their loss to losing your pet or say this happened to someone you know and it was caused by ..... because they did .....
6. Remember, too that most people don't say too many insensitive or wrong things [common sense aside]. Above all you are caring enough to talk to them ! Ignoring their loss is far more insensitive.Your friend or loved one is very lucky to have you in their life.

This week I have read several stories about infant and pregnancy loss. It always breaks my heart. I am writing this in response, to maybe help someone help.I hope it makes sense.

I really don't mind being reminded at how fragile life is .Today my heart goes out to anyone reading this who has said goodbye to their precious baby, all too soon .

Kristie said a final goodbye to Avery yesterday ... her son, Avery a beautiful boy born sleeping a week ago.

"Dear Avery, please see this light as a symbol of the

 never-ending love for you. Please understand that this love knows no limits or bounds; it conquers even the hold of death. Let this light shine in memory of the love for you, in celebration of the life you shared together, however brief, and in the hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day. 

May they feel your spirit with them even now, gently guiding and strengthening them. With this light they will remember your true gifts : memories of joys past, hope for present peace and love to last a lifetime. May they forever feel your presence and love you always."

Hope is like the sun,which, as we journey toward it ,casts the shadow of burden behind us.

It's my sincere wish that those touched by the loss of a baby are well supported, able to process their loss and hopeful for the future...(not my words but heartfelt wish)

There is so much more I could write including about 'including siblings'...another day .
Edited to add a link to Martine @ The Modern Parent's posts on Grief : Helping Children Grieve

Please note *Gifts of meals ~ can in itself be overwhelming if they get too many meals all at once and no way to store them all... check if anyone can be responsible to organize a list of friends to alternate duties such as meals and visits to help.
 

(In our church they did this for one family via an organised roster initially while the baby was having surgery for her heart and then after she passed away)
Please share your own experiences and any other advice that helped you or your family or friends.

Linking up with Shae about Things I know ...but sincerely wish I didn't today.

Edited to add this further to precious Avery's story and HeartFelt
 ♥ Never miss a post

Grateful Saturday- The Dance

Life, loss, grief and love intertwined.  

And /or  not so grateful really to be reminded at how fragile life is , with anniversaries remembered of precious little angels and another little life taken so soon.

I've read a few poignant posts and comments about experiences of loss this week.

Also, remembering my own bittersweet memories of 7 years ago. 

After 12 years infertility, I considered with awesome wonder the thought I might actually be pregnant for the first time. 

Almost to the day ... Easter 2004.

600km from home, in remote country town, on a 8000 acre farm.

No one to tell or I wanted to tell in case I was wrong.

Not even my DH.

No hope of a pregnancy test kit , we were 75km from nearest pharmacy. 

I had to wait it out for 3 days.

In the end all did not go as planned.

Almost 27 weeks was all I had.

It was oft implied , by well meaning people , I would better.never. to have been pregnant to lose our daughter, tragically stillborn at 6 months. 

Never.

I am forever grateful that I had the chance and for The dance. Even though I was filled with terrible pain for years months after she died. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

I can still smile.

How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

PS Garth is my favourite cowboy.

Grateful too , my husband had a day's paid work this week and more grateful we got a lot accomplished in our garden makeover for the big sell. We (HE) planted 30 trees/shrubs, removed a ute load of weeds and spread a thousand shovelfuls of mushroom compost and mulch.

Grateful our teenage son got a new job with, what appears, to be a very good company.

His last job , temporary for 5-6wks , was a little discouraging as the sole employer was a bit dodgy.

So, what's making you smile today?
... Please add a link back to Maxibella in your post. Blog hop to visit other bloggers who are spreading a little sunshine.  
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Wave of Light ...

Today is a special day

International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance.

Light a candle at 7pm for one hour to create a worldwide wave of light for 24hrs.
These candles burn brightly in memory of babies too precious for this earth.

Charlotte, Our tiny rose lent not given, to bud on Earth and bloom in Heaven.

She was cradled in my womb for six months, briefly in our arms and forever in our hearts.
Sleep sweet baby of ours in the Father's arms...till we hold you again.

Yesterday I wrote about my greatest loss being my greatest gain ...my rainbow babies. After they arrived the magnitude of losing ~Charlotte~ hit harder than ever before. Knowing what I'd missed and would forever long for ...

Today I feel mixed emotions, guilt, love, sadness and joy....sadness my boys will never know a big sister and my husband & I raise a daughter.

Today my heart goes out to anyone reading this today who has said goodbye to their precious baby all too soon . Those stumbling along the path of grief after losing a precious baby(ies) or child.

I am sorry for your loss. I know words cannot ease your pain nothing ever will but tonight at 7pm I will light a candle in memory of our babies. Please pass the message along.

"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle."- Anonymous ...

A quiet moment for lighting a candle in memory of your baby . . .

"Dear baby of mine, please see this light as a symbol of our never-ending love for you. Please understand that this love knows no limits or bounds; it conquers even the hold of death. Let this light shine in memory of our love for you, in celebration of the life we shared together, however brief, and in the hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day. We feel your spirit with us even now, gently guiding and strengthening us. With this light we will remember the true gifts of the season: memories of joys past, hope for present peace and love to last a lifetime. We will forever feel your presence and love you always."

Hope is like the sun,which, as we journey toward it ,casts the shadow of burden behind us.

It is my sincere wish that those touched by the loss of a baby are well supported, able to process their loss and hopeful for the future...(not my words but heartfelt wish)

Please click below to add your story so we can support each other in remembering. The post doesn't have to be about today, please share any post telling your story (hugs) or memories.

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Rainbow babies

Over the years I have discovered in some circles babies born after the loss of baby (during pregnancy, at birth or shortly after) are called Rainbow babies.


I found this somewhere (twice) ...

Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."

• Christians believe that God sent a rainbow to prove there would be no more floods after Noah.

• Some Aboriginal tribes celebrate the Rainbow Serpent as the creator of the all being and the rainbow a sign of fertility.

A rainbow baby or babies signify a promise - promise for parents, promise for the future, and promise for the world. Unfortunately , there will always be the pain of loss, but mostly there will also always be joy that follows it, just like the rainbow after the rain.

I honestly felt completely devastated, especially despairing that I would never see our rainbow baby considering our 14 years of infertility. It was my baby loss friends who taught me to hope again and encouraged me to try IVF.

Sometimes the rainbow appears soon after the storm , though sometimes we have to wait a while to see it. In our case it was after a 22 month long , rough storm.

When our twins arrived (a month early by emergency C/S) we were so looking forward to seeing our rainbow babies and hearing those first cries.

All over the world we see the same rainbows, the colours lengthen into the light, stretching as the sky beams a gleaming multicoloured arc of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.

While I miss ~Charlotte~ immensely , I have to believe my greatest loss was also my greatest gain in many other ways. Not withstanding the dear friendships I have made , most significantly her two little brothers.

I cannot fathom life without them. Like in the dark, terrible, saddest days after we said goodbye to Charlotte I couldn't imagine life without her.

In the last few weeks I've read of many families joining the babyloss club. It's heartbreaking.
I was reminded yesterday of a great book I read after lossing Charlotte.

Always a part of me: Surviving Childbearing Loss
Author: Amanda Collinge, Sue Daniel, Heather Grace Jones
Publisher: ABC Books

It contains a collection of stories written by both mothers and fathers on surviving the loss of a baby.

My rainbow boys are my happy place and their laughter is music to a mother's broken heart.

I wrote this as part of October International Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month , Oct 15th is Internationalworld wide day of remembrance.

PS : The term rainbow babies has other meanings too.
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6 ... Monday

Outside my window… the sun is shining (well it was when I started this post) , it's been a crystal clear blue sky day with fluffly clouds. Six years ago ...I only remember it being cold and windy !

I am thinking... about six years ago today, exactly, Monday 30th August ,when our life was shattered to it's core.

How they told me my much longed for baby girl had no heartbeat.Though the grief is less intense , I feel it today intensely.I internalise it because I cannot express it.

The tears are below the surface ...as time goes by, the tears may roll less often, but each 1 still feels the same, the love & loss intermingled.

“Be both. Be sad for what might have been, be glad for what is.” @wbgookin (author of Daddy Is Tired)

I am thankful for… everything. I am so blessed ! Especially my sweet little boys ...for the friendship of good friends who got me through those tough firsts... days,weeks,years and all the other firsts.

I am remembering… the numbness ,the tears, the disbelief. I couldn't speak or see anyone that night , my poor DH had to make all the phone calls and catch me from falling in a heap, though he was struggling too.

Being up all night ...waiting for Tuesday.

I am going… to light candles tonight in ~Charlotte's~ memory and for ~Micah~ ...can you believe I checked my google reader for the first time in weeks . I was shocked and heartbroken to read that my bloggy friend Jenn's full term baby boy~Micah~ died, just before his birth to a cord accident. Her recents posts resonated loudly within my soul and I shed tears for both of us.

I am currently reading… through my google reader. (DH was away last night and I couldn't sleep). It's been quite challenging on many fronts ...last night I read too of another mum who lost her 4yr old son , he was terribly disabled from a near drowning 17 months before , still her loss is great . (I should be reading your blog soon though !) I hope there is happier news I've missed.

I am hoping…to spend some time in Charlotte's garden ~ it's been sadly neglected over winter and with all DH's treatment chewing up our time.

On my mind …selling our home and facing my fears, the anxiety of leaving behind the dreams we planted here six years ago and Charlotte's memorial garden.

Noticing that… I have a lot of packing to do as we prepare to sell our house.

Pondering … why ! Grief is such a mystery and misunderstood. I hold on to every memory because if I forget them then it will be as if she were never here and I could never imagine what my life would have been like without Charlotte ...no matter what the outcome was.Looking back I'd do it again, because every moment is cherished in my thoughts, she was loved, she is missed, and remembered...I could have missed the pain.

From the kitchen… comfort food tonight slow cooker "Beef in red wine" casserole, with steamed beans and creamy mash. (Rice for the twin with sensory issues)

Around the house… it's a mess as we've been packing with 4yr old twins underfoot who love boxes and testing them for fit or to empty just packed treasures. It's looks so bare with all our photos packed away.

I have to find my box of Charlotte's things too ...I packed them up so we could move the cupboard to paint !

One of my favorite things… right now enjoying the quiet of the moment while my boys nap ...a rarity these days.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: ... enjoying my family and giving thanks for all I have , Baking and eating to console myself !

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Post it Tuesday #18

..brought to you today by the letter S ...sad

My husband is facing some scary things , it's the waiting to find out that is scariest for both of us. Today we only got more unanswered questions but it's not all bad.
There were a positives . I just can't talk about it right now.

This afternoon , I also found out through Facebook an internet friend I've known for 4 years, who also lost her first daughter to stillbirth, just lost her young husband. Suddenly & unexpectedly early Monday morning in his sleep.

I haven't been in touch much lately I knew her through a forum. I'm not personally affected, still I'm shocked and saddened ...

I cannot begin to even suggest I understand the trials in front of her and the ones she has already passed. She has two other young children under 3 and is 24wks pregnant. She is going to need all the strength in the world. It's so cruel.




I am not sure why sometimes bad things happen... still right now I'm going to take my kids out to dance in the rain.

I ♥ Post it Tuesday's

♥

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Less is More

It seems the less I write the more comments I get ...

It seems I have more followers but less commenters ...

It has been a long month of NaBloPoMo but I've enjoyed it so far ...

This is but a part of a very long poem by Robert Browning

Yet do much less, so much less, Someone says,
(I know his name, no matter)--so much less!
Well, less is more, Lucrezia: I am judged.

Life has been busy , some days it feels like everything is unraveling. The less I do the more I have to do ...eventually.

Anyway, welcome to ICLW visitors ...thnak you for starting at the bottom of the list . (I am # 188) you can read my long term infertility, adoption, pregnancy loss (stillbirth) and IVF (twin) journey ...if you like.

I’d like to invite any lurkers to reveal themselves, so please de'lurk (is this a word ?) and say 'Hi there' or maybe ask me a burning question.

PS Missyboo , I'm working on my honest scrap post I promise it is coming.



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