Wordless Wednesday ~ Blanket of Care

Friendship wraps itself around the heart like a warm blanket of care. 

A lovely friend hand-made me this pink and dark blue (almost purple) blanket and gave it to me yesterday. It is to take with me while I am away having Radiotherapy. Orange is very cold in May ( lows of 1 ° with daytime temps 10- 15 °) and June too.

Today is the BIG planning appointment in Orange - fingers crossed it all goes to plan.

Photo by Sam (7)

.

An InLinkz Link-up

♥

Up and down , Get up !

Yesterday, was a very long day we left home at 6am to travel to Sydney for my last review appointment. We arrived home at midnight. I felt for my husband.

Up and down the emotional rollercoaster the highways and by-ways is physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting - the round trip is 700km /10hrs... I wasn't driving. It's a relief my next treatments will be 15mins from home. 

The Oncology review clinic was running 2hrs late - we exited our 10:45 appointment at 1:30pm. We saw Dr #1 at about 12:45pm for 10 mins, then waited 15 mins in between to see the Oncologist for 10mins.

It was all good with nothing new to be learned. They don't even examine me. I'm not not complaining , just saying I'm glad we had another reason for the trip down to Sydney.

When you arrive you wait in big 'muster' waiting area before being 'drafted' in smaller waiting rooms down the corridor or waiting for your beeper to go off saying they are ready for you in Chemo or in Radiation.

I'm  a little bit thankful appointments were late, because I got to briefly catch up with my 'old playgroup' friend, A. She was diagnosed with Breast cancer a month prior to my diagnosis. A was there in big waiting area, waiting to be beeped for her chemo as the chemotherapy treatment clinic was also running very late.

We chatted about our eyebrows (or lack thereof ) , dark painted nails , diets & cancer food and positive ways of coping , as you do... In the 'quiet 'crowded waiting room I'm sure everyone was aware of us.


Not everyone looks sick , though you can easily spot the cancer patient from carer usually by the head gear or the ones gently guiding frailer looking older people . Some people talk in hushed voices, guarding their 'personal' and emotional space. They just stare ahead at the TV, their phone or iPad or old magazines. Styrofoam cups of tea, coffee and 'plastic' biscuits are available if you like.

Sitting there you feel such a strong range of emotions ; anticipation, anger (One lady was very 'agro' because the clinics were running so late) , hope, sadness, even boredom ... mirrored in the sea of faces that surround you. Though now the chairs are banked, fixed in rows and close together instead of around the walls you don't make so much eye contact.

This morning I was feeling down, as well as tired and cold (yes it's blowing a gale with wild weather here as everywhere). I'm grateful my SIL who minded our little boys, at the other farm due to our late return, was putting them on the school bus.

I couldn't summon the emotional energy to get up. I'm don't exactly feel depressed, in fact  I feel physically better this week. Some days are better than others. I think it is returning to the Dr's office and talking about cancer that reminds me of my diagnosis and the interruption that cancer has caused to our life.

We also visited our old home for 15 mins , it's empty (tenants vacated), while still filled with memories ...not to mention clean carpet, my big kitchen , my roses , a lush green lawn and our old life.I still love the farm, our 'homely shed' and living here. Just sometimes it feels lonely and isolated here. I miss my friends.

Eventually, I stumbled out of bed at 11:30 am , only after my darling hubby made me tea and toast in bed, then lit the fire and went off to borrow firewood from the neighbours ; ).


 

I happened upon this song - I like it ! GET UP !

I'm a bit fired up now by the song and the fire.Though going back to bed is still inviting ...did I mention it's cold , grey and blustery and my hammock is like a parachute in the wind. 


Do you ever feel like you just want to stop and catch your breath ?
Would you like to hit pause, lay low and stay in bed all day ?

♥

Let me be there ~ brought to you by J, K, L, M, N and O

Yesterday, I heard this song playing on the radio.

I was already feeling a bit emotional{: ( }after meeting an older lady with breast cancer at a Lymphodema education session. (It was not intended to be a sharing support meeting).

This lady mentioned how alone she felt and how many people had disappointed her. She spoke of the people, including her daughters who promised to accompany her the 100km /1 hour + journey (and then return) to radiation therapy (4-5 days a week for 6 weeks).She was let her down, often at last minute, because they couldn't be bothered. She said her appointments were too late for community transport.

Then the kicker , that her husband was dead and tomorrow (now today) was also the anniversary of his death. She said how hard is was to be doing it alone with no-one special by her side. The health care worker leading the session said lots of reassuring things . The lady lives 1.5 hrs away from our town and was just there for the education session.

It made me appreciate what I have in my own husband, not that I didn't - I'm just saying, MORE. I met another women aged 52yrs , 2 weeks ago, whose husband left her for a 30yr , as she started chemo. She was very angry and bitter though it was over 2yrs ago.

I admit I'm finding in lonely here because my network of in real life friends are 4-5hrs away.They are busy dealing with their own lives and problems. I miss seeing and being with them.

I don't dwell on those who let me down anymore, I cherish those who hold me up and message, email or ring or send snail cards. Some dear URL are holding me up too with a tweet or two. I appreciate that there are people being THERE for me.

Last night , as I tossed and turned laid awake in the middle of the night {insomnia is handy sometimes}, coincidentally these people and letters were spinning around ...

J ~ an old friend from Mr 19yr old's playgroup messaged me to say she was sorry she hadn't been in contact but she was praying for me. She said her hub of 25+ yrs had also left their marriage and she was finding it overwhelming. I appreciate her prayers.

K~ my very dear , school friend of 33yrs read my blog post mentioning I had absent friends. K , emailed me to make sure I wasn't writing about her. I wasn't. I am so touched she is taking time off work to come and stay with me while I have my next chemo on 17th August.

L~ a lovely friendship that started online over 3yrs ago. L has sent me lots of cards, via snail mail and cheery encouraging handmade cards from her daughters, now gracing my vision board. It's lovely to get things other than bills and junk mail in the letterbox. L has also been making chemo beanies for another lady's 100 beanie project.

M~ a long time friend and was my bridesmaid, rang or messaged so many times to check on me last week. Even a missed call made me smile !

M~ a liker from my Facebook page has been messaging me and answering questions about breast cancer treatment , as well as being very encouraging and supportive.

M ~ a URL > now IRL friendship that started in an infertility forum over 7yrs ago. M, also a blogger now, has been emailing me . It's lovely to reply in longer than 140 characters. It seems people hardly personally email much anymore either.

N ~ a supportive blogging friend I've yet to meet . N sent me a care package yesterday. Though I certainly don't expect gifts , it was lovely to receive something I needed. Now if I can just master the art of applying dark nail polish.

Wherever you go

wherever you may wander in your life

Surely I know I'll always wanna be there

Holding your hand and standing by to catch you when you fall

Seeing you through I ev'rything you do Let me be there in your morning

Let me be there in your night

Let me change whatever wrong and make it right

Let me take you through that wonderland

That I only two can share All I ask you is let me be there

Watching you grow And going though the changes in your life

That's how I know I'll always wanna be there

Whenever you feel You need a friend to lean on here I am

Whenever you call You know I'll be there

Let me be there ...

I'm not in a position to start new activities and make new friends due to appointments and treatments. I have 2 friends here, one is a breast cancer survivor but has multiple issues and lives 40mins away. The other is a new friendship.


♥

Handwritten ?

Everyone loves to receive personal mail ...except penalty notices bills

my dream letter box is actually a Cow shape - this is just a pretty picture!

 

Invitation, birthday card , holiday post card or a just a kind note from a friend or family .

What a feeling it is to pull an envelope out of the letter box with your handwritten name on it.

Claire says

Mail, actually written by you has a secret power that you never even realise. Only the receiver gets the magic. That extra smile you have when you get a surprise letter, the joy of hearing from someone real, of learning some news, of knowing someone far away was thinking about them.

I am joining in her challenge

Six letters to six people in six weeks.

When was the last time you received a handwritten letter via snail mail? 

 Who will you write to this week?

PS I noticed Lime Tree has some whimsical accessories to aid letter writing.  

 ♥

Fine on the surface

Lately, I have felt very overwhelmed,  my presence of mind feels crushed by the significance of so many unrelated things.
Despair over things I can't change.
Brokenness.
Someone, I love hurting with a dire diagnosis , that strikes so close to me; they are shattered.
Inability to stay on task and complete pressing to do's.

Some things are a mystery to me.

Grief over the fear of losing touch in special friendships is crushing .
I don't think they realise though, or maybe care .
Maybe they are just too busy with life and I should get over it.
I am just sad about it. 

My faith in God , the knowledge that He cares for me and holds together the pieces of my brokenness, keeps me afloat.

An afternoon browsing Pinterest is also food for the soul and brings nothing but a smile.

Source: mindbodygreen.com via Trish on Pinterest

30 Dr Seuss Quotes to Live by

Source: inspiredbycharm.com via Trish on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Trish on Pinterest

Source: inspiredbycharm.com via Trish on Pinterest

Source: the-girl-who-ate-everything.com via Trish on Pinterest

♥

Anyway ~ Chasing a dream

An inspirational song for me - no matter what others think !
 Anyway
DO it anyway .
Life is too short not to !
It is a song about hope, and faith that tomorrow will be better and if not so be it !


Martina McBride - isn't she great !

You can spend your whole life buildin'

Somethin' from nothin'

One storm can come and blow it all away

Build it anyway

You can chase a dream

That seems so out of reach

And you know it might not ever come your way

Dream it anyway

[chorus:]

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good

When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway

I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe

That tomorrow will be better than today

Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart

For all the right reasons

And in a moment they can choose to walk away

love 'em anyway

[chorus]

You can pour your soul out singing

A song you believe in

That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang

Sing it anyway

Yeah, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love

Anyway

yeah

This one is just for a giggle- got to love Facebook friends

 

What dream are you chasing ?
♥

Rumbling tummies, mumble grumbles and happy highlights

It’s been a long week without my husband here in Perth. I have so much to catch up on.

Quinn's Beach

The Karrinyup Resort Caravan Park is lovely. It is without doubt one of the best family orientated parks I’ve stayed in. The amenities are clean and our closest ablutions has private cubicles like your own bathroom – not unlike a private ensuite site which are normally extra. It means I can have the boys in there with me, huge bench seat , toilet and vanity. The park has lovely surroundings , a lake & lots of trees, is very well kept and being upgraded further.

The Jumping cushion is awesome and with the playground right opposite us I thought it was a godsend. Though not without a few disadvantages...

My visions of a week to myself , while the boys played and soaked in the love of other playmates, were dashed the second day. Things did not go as I planned. I envisioned a week to catch up on blogging things, emails, site seeing Perth, reading and relaxing by the pool or beach. Insert *sad face*

However ,we have been inundated with cute, pint sized poppets asking for food & drink or eying off our toys – sure my children encourage them and sharing is caring . One in particular starts door knocking at 6.50am ...ignoring her makes her knock louder .(I did mention it to her Dad the first time I spoke him at length in the pool yesterday . Then I saw their mother the first time in 5 days – she mentioned apologetically  B was supposed to be going to toilet. She is 5 and very sweet , though it scares me she is so friendly.

B & her brother C, shared our pancake breakfast this morning too –told me you shouldn’t go off alone “because some creep might take you” when I told my boys off about “going off without telling me”.

A few other lads 5-8yrs and a big brother (14)  had 5 kids playing under their awning one day (ah ha- they were opposite the jumping cushion) - since gone home. The big boy was quite happy to have 5-not including –his- siblings there. I passed his mother up near my caravan – she said yes, she had HAD quite a few children at her place !

The Drummer boys love their new friends B & C but I feel like I am responsible for them when they are here – get your bike off the road , be careful, off that top bunk ...does your mum know where you are ? B was in our caravan 2 hrs the other day watching Snow white !!

Not to mention again, but I am over playing hostess with a steady supply of food & drink to rumbling tummies and sorting out my boys sibling spats. I am up & down like a yo-yo. I’ve been so frustrated ..though it is still 80% my own boys killing my time.

After chatting to B & C’s Dad – they are from Queensland and have been on their road trip – around Australia since December ...small world factor is their dog is being bordered by family who live in next suburb to us (5 mins away) in Sydney.

Ok, enough grumbling . I‘ve also had a dynamic and exciting weekend with a visit and play date from Lani & Boo , at Me & Boo. We had a beach/playground meet up arranged with Glowless at 1.30pm on Friday too but she unfortunately fell very ill with tonsillitis and later ended up in hospital.

Anyway, I was in Telstra shop @ local shopping centre sorting out my WIFI credit around 11.30am. Lani and Boo were randomly passing . Lani saw the boys in the shop window and recognised them #smallworld ...She said hello and they immediately told her we’re ‘Sam & Joel’.

So in a twist of fate - we ended up back at Karrinyup Resort instead and the Drummer boys & Boo played all afternoon while we chatted, then we had an impromptu dinner and a little wining. Then again for a short while Saturday, Boo and boys bonded it was so sweet. I really enjoyed Lani’s company too. I love her humour and our sensitive talks. We have met before in Sydney.

Saturday afternoon we were invited to dinner by the gracious Sarah  .Her 3 cherubs were lovely .My boys had a great time playing with them and I had to drag them away. MR S cooked up some delicious pizzas with pizazz . Sarah lit some candles for the Wave of light too. It was a very special time.

 

I came home & lit my own candles

 

I am truly thankful for the friends I have met through blogging , the connections and the good conversations I had with both Lani & Sarah. It was a highlight of my week.

I haven’t been totally starved of adult conversation , everyday people strike up conversations about road trip travels, caravans, kids and anything. I‘ve been waylaid so many times ...in a nice kind of way it makes you slow down and stop rushing.

A lovely ‘grandmotherly' lady stopped me to give the boys ‘caravan’ home made apple & cinnamon muffins, and chat about ovens & temperature conversions Saturday afternoon as I was trying to leave for Sarah's. She had recognised the boys from a week before at another location.

Apparently B & C parents have also supplied my children with choc yoghurt (one day) ...I wasn’t aware till the evidence was all over their face or shirt.

Yesterday I had to ‘escape’. I‘d wanted to take the boys on a train ride to city but the train services were cancelled for upgrading. After getting lost too many times out & about – (It's hard to read the ipad while driving) I decided to cancel the city idea .

So we headed to a little beach at Hillary’s boat harbour. It was very hot but the boys enjoyed it. We had a paddle, an amusement ride and browsed the shops...till they whinnied about coming back to their friends and the pool.

Today is a new week - the park is much quieter with the WA families back to school. I’ll be sad to leave but moving onwards to the next adventure is always exciting. We are heading down the south west coast and into wine & gourmet food country. I can't wait !

So how was your weekend ?

♥ Never miss a post

Not another Blogopolis post ~ just a quick update.

So I grand plans to write up the greatest post conference post but sorry if you want that go here , here or maybe over here and most definitely here for the best round up of all the master classes

Imagine - 51 Blog Tools & Resources Mentioned at Nuffnang Blogopolis #nnb2011
Most of you know I made it despite the turn of events this time a week ago. I appreciated the kind offers. (I just haven't got back to reply to comments because it's so hard on my iPad - it keeps calling me TRASH ! )

I finally got to meet Mel, my dear URL friend who I've known online for six years, now I can count her as IRL because I now know she isn't a balding man in his 60s pretending to be a mum lol * (*pinched this off her facebook status from her friend).

We actually met in online IVF ~ want to be parents forum. 

Her little lads are delightful and I was pleased my own little drummers got to play with them for a bit, till my hubby started the trek back to Sydney with them and caravan in tow.

Mel put up with me gave me dinner and a bed for the night. She also works in the CBD and set me on the right train to the Blogger's Brunch.
Fortunately, I was rooming with the gorgeous Kirsty @ Mummy to five (5.5yrs and under people- she is one amazing lady) , including a set of twins. After the conference we both had an early night and early departure back home.


I am still recovering , not from any hangovers at pre and post drink sessions but from a cold virus. It rendered me voiceless by the afternoon of the conference and with a nasty dripping nose and hacking cough.Still voiceless.

I was very disappointed I didn't have a voice left to ask where some lovely ladies I wanted to meet were and much less the ability , feeling so unwell by conference end.

Still, I, thoroughly enjoyed the day with Kate Our Little Sins , Jodie from Muddled Up Mumma, Grace from Musings of Mama Grace and Maria from Mum's Word and Leigh from Absoluteleigh who I've had the pleasure of meeting a few times before.

I  enjoyed immensely the Blogger's Brunch and Nuffnang Conference , I just don't have the energy to articulate my thoughts into coherent sentences right now. I have serious brain information overload and sleep deprivation.

I learnt overall I need to make a few blog changes AND despite what they said I am definitely staying on blogger...
By far the conversation that had the biggest impact was a heartfelt chat to Fi about Heartfelt and I will write more on that later.

I came home to two children joining me in my coughing chorus and snot trumpeting choir , as well as a burst hot water system. Thank goodness we still have hot water - how I can't tell you, but my man knows all about it and how to fix it Wednesday because he has ordered us a new one.

♥ Never miss a post

Grateful Saturday -

 

So many things to be grateful for ...

Catch up phone calls with a far away friend.I always get sidetracked and waylaid by the Brothersand maybe ...online social networking. On Wednesday I finally able to catch up a little with Melbo.

Family meals - often messy and chaotic, always filled with lots of laughter, too.

Chocolate brownies ...so many recipes but this one is nom nom :0 I added pecans but forgot to take a picture.

So, what's making you smile today?
... add your Grateful post below it's a blog hop .Please add a link back to Maxibella in your post. Blog hop to visit other bloggers who are spreading a little sunshine. 


 ♥ Never miss a post

Grateful Saturday - Small things

 

Kisses & hugs from small boys even when they ask for more kisses to delay bedtime. I hope they never stop wanting my kisses.

 

Flowers from a small boy , be they a fistful of yellow top 'flower' weed or roses ripped off my roses bushes.

My Husband who despite having a sweltering hot week working outside, 2 days away from home and where lots of things didn't go as planned still came up with spontaneous plan to for a ...

Visit with friends, my bestie for 28yrs after we met as teenagers on holidays. Her girl kiddos are 4, 5.5  & 8 .The kids will have a ball too.  

Ps Would still appreciate prayers for Tuesday.

So, what's making you smile today?
... add your Grateful post below it's a blog hop .Please add a link back to Maxibella in your post. Blog hop to visit other bloggers who are spreading a little sunshine

 ♥ Never miss a post

Grateful ~ Friends

I missed posting on Saturday.It just felt wrong to me , on a few levels, after reading the incredible support being rallied for Lori.

Each time I tried I couldn't find the right words to say (write) because the thing I was most grateful for was my beloved husband and family. I felt so guilty for the times I've been less than loving and haven't been so tolerant of things lately beyond his control.

Today I am grateful

• That I'm able to watch and be awe inspired by the online community ... I know some people don't get it , our online friends we have never met that matter so much . Still thinking of Lori and her family today and #praying for Tony.
  

• For a surprise catching up with my friends from over 22yrs ago, essentially because of a FB chat with another friend. A lot has happened in 22yrs but they still showed the same warmth and generosity, gave the biggest hugs, and have same laugh out loud sense of humour.
  

• Even better they live in the Central West rural community we are moving too and that makes my heart sing. We will have friends.They have adult children but a dozen grandchildren and another 2 on the way so they love kids.Their home looks like a creche with oodles of toys/books/bikes and trampolines. My small boys loved visiting them. They are such special people who love God and his people to bits.

• For unconditional love of my special husband, my dearest friend, whose strength in all the challenges we have faced in the last year continues to lift me up every day.

So, what's making you smile today?
... add your Grateful post below it's a blog hop .Please add a link back to Maxibella in your post. Blog hop to visit other bloggers who are spreading a little sunshine.

♥ Never miss a post

Oh so grateful Saturday

1. We arrived home finally 3.30am Friday morning , 4 days late, after our ordeal in the diastrous flooding and mudding. The Central Western of NSW was one of many declared a Natural Diaster.
   
   Honestly, I thought it would never end ; at times I was terrified . It stopped being fun after the 2nd day.
   
   We are ok, battered , bruised and after being eaten alive by mossies at the last hour but HOME.
   
   Our car is a little damaged but can be repaired. We've learned some expensive lessons. It really capped off our annus horribilis.Sometimes I think 'miracles' are the things that don't happen to you.
   


2. ...for messages , comments and emails of support.


3. ...for special friends in Milthorpe who welcomed us with hugs and a cup of tea at 11pm when we arrived 3 .5 days late for a BBQ (cancelled of course because we were stranded).
   I love that girl.We met when we were on family holidays as 16yr olds.
   


4. ... that DH got an appointment the same day with chiropractor to fix his injured shoulder & knee. Apparently dislocated/out of joint.He is in pain , feeling very defeated and with the black dog biting at his heels.
   


5. ...for my Mum who came straight away yesterday when I rang for help to get the house in order. She saved me from drowning in a flood of tears of frustration and exhaustion.
   I mainly wanted her to mind the boys while I worked.
   
   My hub was in no way physically or mentally to help me. I knew it was important for both of us to clear the chaos, unpack and straighten up home.
   
   MUM came with ingredients to make lunch & dinner .My 12yr neice, M, came to 'play' with the boys. It cheered the boys up too, they love M, who is one of their favourite cousins. Mum helped with the laundry, to straighten up and she made me cups of tea and listened.She made sandwiches and put Beef Goulash in slow cooker for dinner.
   
   We all made shortbread and things turned around.


6. ...my roses. They have thrived despite the neglect.Last night, I cut MUM a bunch to say thank you .
   
   Then I brought 2 roses inside placing them in a vase and old bottle. Sam 4 said "Mum I have to smell them". Then he announced "Mmm delicious I love them" !



7. ...the Christmas tree and the delight of the 'three' boys decorating it. It's a sorry looking tree really but the boys were so excited about putting it up. I need to buy some more bling today.
   


8. ...The Christmas carols are on tonight bring on the Christmas spirit (if the rain stays away).

So, what's making you smile today? Grab Maxabella's I'm Grateful For... button , link your Grateful post !

Now... carry on with Christmas and don't forget to enter my Aussie Christmas giveaway.

I'm also playing weekend rewind at The Pink Fibro my vintage post is here .

♥ Never miss a post

Post it Tuesday #23

Friends are treasures and so are the warm comments that have uplifted my spirit.




Did I mention how much I ♥ my internetz friends, even the ones I haven't met in person yet. Being a part of the #Bloggerswithoutmakeup Day was so awesome. Thanks Jodie @MummyMayhem

My real friends are pretty awesome too...though most don't read my blog.

I ♥ Post it Tuesday

PS Failing at my positive affirmations from yesterday ...it's been less than 24hrs so I am starting over ...
PPS I think my teen is really an Alien ...
♥ Never miss a post