Up and down , Get up !

Yesterday, was a very long day we left home at 6am to travel to Sydney for my last review appointment. We arrived home at midnight. I felt for my husband.

Up and down the emotional rollercoaster the highways and by-ways is physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting - the round trip is 700km /10hrs... I wasn't driving. It's a relief my next treatments will be 15mins from home. 

The Oncology review clinic was running 2hrs late - we exited our 10:45 appointment at 1:30pm. We saw Dr #1 at about 12:45pm for 10 mins, then waited 15 mins in between to see the Oncologist for 10mins.

It was all good with nothing new to be learned. They don't even examine me. I'm not not complaining , just saying I'm glad we had another reason for the trip down to Sydney.

When you arrive you wait in big 'muster' waiting area before being 'drafted' in smaller waiting rooms down the corridor or waiting for your beeper to go off saying they are ready for you in Chemo or in Radiation.

I'm  a little bit thankful appointments were late, because I got to briefly catch up with my 'old playgroup' friend, A. She was diagnosed with Breast cancer a month prior to my diagnosis. A was there in big waiting area, waiting to be beeped for her chemo as the chemotherapy treatment clinic was also running very late.

We chatted about our eyebrows (or lack thereof ) , dark painted nails , diets & cancer food and positive ways of coping , as you do... In the 'quiet 'crowded waiting room I'm sure everyone was aware of us.


Not everyone looks sick , though you can easily spot the cancer patient from carer usually by the head gear or the ones gently guiding frailer looking older people . Some people talk in hushed voices, guarding their 'personal' and emotional space. They just stare ahead at the TV, their phone or iPad or old magazines. Styrofoam cups of tea, coffee and 'plastic' biscuits are available if you like.

Sitting there you feel such a strong range of emotions ; anticipation, anger (One lady was very 'agro' because the clinics were running so late) , hope, sadness, even boredom ... mirrored in the sea of faces that surround you. Though now the chairs are banked, fixed in rows and close together instead of around the walls you don't make so much eye contact.

This morning I was feeling down, as well as tired and cold (yes it's blowing a gale with wild weather here as everywhere). I'm grateful my SIL who minded our little boys, at the other farm due to our late return, was putting them on the school bus.

I couldn't summon the emotional energy to get up. I'm don't exactly feel depressed, in fact  I feel physically better this week. Some days are better than others. I think it is returning to the Dr's office and talking about cancer that reminds me of my diagnosis and the interruption that cancer has caused to our life.

We also visited our old home for 15 mins , it's empty (tenants vacated), while still filled with memories ...not to mention clean carpet, my big kitchen , my roses , a lush green lawn and our old life.I still love the farm, our 'homely shed' and living here. Just sometimes it feels lonely and isolated here. I miss my friends.

Eventually, I stumbled out of bed at 11:30 am , only after my darling hubby made me tea and toast in bed, then lit the fire and went off to borrow firewood from the neighbours ; ).


 

I happened upon this song - I like it ! GET UP !

I'm a bit fired up now by the song and the fire.Though going back to bed is still inviting ...did I mention it's cold , grey and blustery and my hammock is like a parachute in the wind. 


Do you ever feel like you just want to stop and catch your breath ?
Would you like to hit pause, lay low and stay in bed all day ?

♥

Toddlers and Thankfulness

What is so thankful about toddlers ...

It is way past my bedtime and I am so tired after less than 5 hrs broken hours broken sleep last night (my fault staying up late reading my RSS feeds and demand nursing,twins, in middle of the night ... any advice on night weaning ???).

I (we all) had to be up early to take J for a renal ultrasound to check how his kidney reflux is ..
We get there through morning peak traffic crawl . I park in the huge Park - not car park .

I huff and puff pushing the 17kg stroller, 24kgs of toddler and 1kg of stuff stroll up the hill to the hospital .
I wait in line -9.10am

My turn. At last.

Only ... I found they had stuffed up the appointments. She tells me it is 3rd March. WTH eck(I gave up swearing for lent but it is not going that well)

Thankfully, after alot of whinging explaining my story they stuffed up,the receptionist though 'stern' sour faced, is understanding of my over 1hr journey (with toddler twins) and 2 hrs to get ready and she calls ultrasound to fit us in. She hands me back my form and says to take it to them, it will be an hours wait or more.She says I am to come back here and wait after I give them the form.

"no problem"

I am, really, so appreciative... I already have another 4 appointments there in next month or so.

I push the stroller down a few corridors to ultrasound and wait a few minutes -no one is around -one is door closed. Yes , they are real busy today.

After a few minutes I see a face I recognise from before.She takes the form and she says they won't be long -just finishing another child...

She is right about 5-10 mins later (not 1 hr ) a little girl about 3 yrs , comes 'skipping' out - she looks vaguely familiar. I see her mum -ah ha- the penny drops.

'A' is a twin , she has been to our local playgroup with her mum (and her twin sister) a few times. The twin sister was not there. I said hello to the mum, a little small talk and she asks why we were there. I explain J has kidney reflux. She said A is there getting her kidney checked too. (NB -I actually guessed the right twin 50-50 chance -Kate and Tiff)

J has his ultrasound (we don't get results till 3weeks at appointment) , I take the boys out to play in the wonderful children's outdoor play area. Grey skies , overcast and a few spits of rain. Boys are happily playing and finding every puddle from the torrential storms of last night.

More spits ... and spills. S & J both fall or sit in puddles.

Lots of rain and running away.By the time I catch them both -it is heavy rain.

Back inside ... I head to the exit . I exit the building ... d'oh - what was I thinking - it is pouring rain. I have a 5 min walk to my car. I go back inside. I have to pee . The twin stroller will not fit in the apparently disabled access toilet !!!

Is there anywhere in the state of the art Children's hospital that I can take my stroller in with me ?... not it seems !

I can't leave them with just anyone or in then open. Never !I cannot take them out of the stroller - are you joking (I saw a great post on kids in the public loo with mum last week ... but cannot find the link)

Busting -darn rain ! I go to the A & E desk and ask ... what can I do ? the lovely lady said I can take them behind the counter and she will watch them.

Relief ...
I retrieve my children in the stroller- the lady said they were playing - my kids are very cute.I don't deny it ,they are very friendly and smile a lot.

We buy a milkshake to fill in time. The "morning teas' "delivery lady we meet in the lift tells me she has 25yr old twins, she smiles and coos at them.

The rain looks like it has eased off .It's almost 11am ...

I exit again and we bump into the little twin A, and her mum C as they are leaving -but on the way back into get their free parking pass. She forgot and it costs $8- 12 max otherwise.

Things they don't share at playgroup ... We chat about A , having one kidney removed due to malignant cancer diagnosed a month before her 2nd birthday .Chemotherapy first didn't shrink the tumour -12cms on a tiny less than two year old kidney. It has been almost 2 years . 'A' just has chest x-rays and renal scans ,check ups - just in case.The free parking is perk ...for being an oncology and/or private patient .I don't want any perks!

It is still raining but I just brave it.I have other errands to do... We only get a little wetter.

I go shopping to spend my $10 Cotton on kids voucher (yay - score free t-shirts 'Easter Bunny Rocks" normally $12.95 each). I give the boys a quick bite of lunch. We leave.

I also have to pick up teddy bears on my way home from someone and once home I also have tax stuff to do , due today (28th). I am a stickler for waiting till very last minute. Finally - home at 2pm. I get sidetracked by other stuff. The boys have a long sleep.I finish my tax at 5.30pm.

We have our dinner almost as planned sans the salad as it was too cool we had steamed vegetables. I nurse the boys on/off for next few hours ...they will not sleep after a late and long nap. Finally ...one by one they are asleep.

Well - you may ask

why am I still up at 12.54am still composing my post ...a few interruptions to nurse and because I am addicted to blogging.

I have so much stuff going round in my head tonight- I had to. Some days I feel like I am on a merry go round and others a rocking horse ...I never get anywhere

Because life with kids is all about going back and forth, and getting nowhere.

Got time for a quick giggle ...

Have you heard the toddler song

... and no I don't have a toy rocket ... yet!
*sigh* I am in for it tomorrow.
I am so thankful for my active, run amok healthy boys.
please don't shoot me for my sleep deprived grammar !