What I think about Pink.

I celebrate the diversity of life and that we make up our own minds when we make a purchase.

It's Pinktober again.

I've come to dislike the plethora of pink merchandise  - commercialism of pink ribbon and breast cancer for profit.

I'm just over two years out from my Breast cancer and two days into October I've seen some bizarre campaigns to promote awareness or in the name of donating to research.

Several breast cancer bloggers I follow are disgusted about one hotel chain's plan to raise money and awareness for breast cancer - by promoting a woman in a provocative pose with their  “Get into Bed for the Cause” campaign offering guests luxurious pink sheets, pink robes ...

I am just as appalled.

Each year an increasing number of pink products are being pumped out and pimped with a pretty pink ribbon.

Breastless and bald doesn't make an advertising campaign. The all things pink and pink ribbon has been hijacked by some  unscrupulous and well meaning companies whose purpose is to boost sales, push products on the public because they will donate 10 cents to cancer research or awareness.

Yes, while contributing only a fraction of the profits they proceed to lure people into buying for a good cause - yet are you really donating to charity or to the cure ?

Make a bigger difference by donating directly to your Cancer charity of choice.


We're aware. Please find a cure for my friends diagnosed with 'terminal' secondary (breast and other) cancers that will ultimately cut short their life and give them grief and suffering trying to outlive the treatment.

Many were diagnosed early and it made no difference. The cure is what we need.

This is what breast cancer really looks like, not a woman in bed, legs in the air - adorned in a pink robe.

 I'm a survivor of life,  and all its challenges so far . I don't know if I will survive my two different cancers. I say I had Breast cancer , if someone wants to know and I'm a warrior not quite a survivor. I will live in it's shadows always.

My battle scars from the storms and wars I've weathered remind me every day. There is no avoiding it I feel even when my clothes cover the scars. 




  ♥

I Touch Myself Project

I started to see news of this project featuring Chrissy Amphlett's “I Touch Myself” filtering through my Facebook feed last night.
It is too close to my heart. It stopped me in my tracks.

• Talking to strangers or people in my real life about my boobs or lack there of. I feel a bit creeped out weird about what I overshare ; things I wouldn't have dare previously said out loud  to people about in real life .

Right now I have a pain in heart and a tear in my eye. I'm living in fear.

As Chrissie rode out on a horse called Music , she left us this legacy (sorry Willie) when she passed away almost a year ago

Early detection is vital.
My friend the dear Mrs Woog is an ambassador for

I Touch Myself Project.

Go ahead and check it out , then check yourself I'll wait.

Not sure how ?

One of the reasons I am blogging about my breast cancer journey is to raise and spread awareness. I know that reminding people to check their breasts could save their life.



Right now - I have a tortuous and terrifying 8wks wait (for a PET SCAN to see if the nodules found recently on my lungs are something to worry about - related to Breast cancer (or my MPNST Sarcoma) or nothing. They are too small right now to biopsy . The fear is crippling me. I wouldn't wish it on anyone - so please take note and touch yourself.


Touching yourself is healthy habit that should be as much a part of your daily routine, like showering, dressing and looking in the mirror. 

You don't need to wait for a special day, check your breasts wherever and whenever works for you but do it regularly. A minimum of monthly is recommended.


I was always a little Breast Aware but even so I was slack and hap hazard about checking.
I wasn't aware of all the changes to look for ...it isn't just a lump.

Most breast changes aren’t due to cancer - but if you find a change that is unusual for you, see your GP to make sure.

I had 2-3 symptoms at diagnosis - though my breasts were always lumpy. I found this website which tell you what to look for

A new lump or lumpiness, especially if it's only in one breast. A change in the size or shape of your breast. A change to the nipple such as crusting, ulcer, redness or inversion. A nipple discharge that occurs without squeezing A change in the skin of your breast such as redness or dimpling. An unusual pain that doesn't go away.

I had 2-3 symptoms at diagnosis - pain, discharge on squeezing (because I had pain) and my breasts were always kind of lumpy. I did see my GP immediately, both times I had nipple discharge. May 2011 it wasn't breast cancer (that I know).

How do you reduce your risks ? 

How do you calculate your risk based on evidence ?
Calculator

 I didn't know that an inherited faulty gene only accounts for 5% of all breast cancers. Even then breast cancer is so common that it need not be a faulty inherited gene that causes BC within the same family.

I thought it couldn't happen to me , though I've had several mammograms and ultrasounds despite that misguided belief...just for reassurance.


So have you felt yourself today ...you can never be too busy !


 I'm sorry if this makes your uncomfortable !

Watch the video and share it with all the women (and men) you know.

Thanks to Allie's suggestion - yes there is an app for that .

a fun one - Your man reminder

http://www.ibreastcheck.com/  in App store and Android.

  ♥

Up and down , Get up !

Yesterday, was a very long day we left home at 6am to travel to Sydney for my last review appointment. We arrived home at midnight. I felt for my husband.

Up and down the emotional rollercoaster the highways and by-ways is physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting - the round trip is 700km /10hrs... I wasn't driving. It's a relief my next treatments will be 15mins from home. 

The Oncology review clinic was running 2hrs late - we exited our 10:45 appointment at 1:30pm. We saw Dr #1 at about 12:45pm for 10 mins, then waited 15 mins in between to see the Oncologist for 10mins.

It was all good with nothing new to be learned. They don't even examine me. I'm not not complaining , just saying I'm glad we had another reason for the trip down to Sydney.

When you arrive you wait in big 'muster' waiting area before being 'drafted' in smaller waiting rooms down the corridor or waiting for your beeper to go off saying they are ready for you in Chemo or in Radiation.

I'm  a little bit thankful appointments were late, because I got to briefly catch up with my 'old playgroup' friend, A. She was diagnosed with Breast cancer a month prior to my diagnosis. A was there in big waiting area, waiting to be beeped for her chemo as the chemotherapy treatment clinic was also running very late.

We chatted about our eyebrows (or lack thereof ) , dark painted nails , diets & cancer food and positive ways of coping , as you do... In the 'quiet 'crowded waiting room I'm sure everyone was aware of us.


Not everyone looks sick , though you can easily spot the cancer patient from carer usually by the head gear or the ones gently guiding frailer looking older people . Some people talk in hushed voices, guarding their 'personal' and emotional space. They just stare ahead at the TV, their phone or iPad or old magazines. Styrofoam cups of tea, coffee and 'plastic' biscuits are available if you like.

Sitting there you feel such a strong range of emotions ; anticipation, anger (One lady was very 'agro' because the clinics were running so late) , hope, sadness, even boredom ... mirrored in the sea of faces that surround you. Though now the chairs are banked, fixed in rows and close together instead of around the walls you don't make so much eye contact.

This morning I was feeling down, as well as tired and cold (yes it's blowing a gale with wild weather here as everywhere). I'm grateful my SIL who minded our little boys, at the other farm due to our late return, was putting them on the school bus.

I couldn't summon the emotional energy to get up. I'm don't exactly feel depressed, in fact  I feel physically better this week. Some days are better than others. I think it is returning to the Dr's office and talking about cancer that reminds me of my diagnosis and the interruption that cancer has caused to our life.

We also visited our old home for 15 mins , it's empty (tenants vacated), while still filled with memories ...not to mention clean carpet, my big kitchen , my roses , a lush green lawn and our old life.I still love the farm, our 'homely shed' and living here. Just sometimes it feels lonely and isolated here. I miss my friends.

Eventually, I stumbled out of bed at 11:30 am , only after my darling hubby made me tea and toast in bed, then lit the fire and went off to borrow firewood from the neighbours ; ).


 

I happened upon this song - I like it ! GET UP !

I'm a bit fired up now by the song and the fire.Though going back to bed is still inviting ...did I mention it's cold , grey and blustery and my hammock is like a parachute in the wind. 


Do you ever feel like you just want to stop and catch your breath ?
Would you like to hit pause, lay low and stay in bed all day ?

♥

Reflections ... in the mirror

On Thursday especially, I take a moment to reflect on the past week.

I can't remember where I found this ...what do you notice ?

What were my up or down moments ?

What comes to mind ? 

I don't want this to just be a cancer blog, while the 'journey' is very much all consuming right now it is just a part of my life. I don't want pity or sympathy , though I appreciate genuine support and your encouraging comments.

I've had a good week this week. Three weeks on the roller-coaster rolls around so quickly and my next Chemo cycle #4 is tomorrow. It is the last of Chemotherapy round #1, and the last chemo I will have in Sydney. I know what to expect and that makes it easier - the next week will be hard but I'll get through to the other side in a week. I start round #2 in 3-4 weeks at my local Cancer Care Centre.

Today, I have a review with the oncologist {or I think the registrar}. I will ask about my health supplements and a few other things I have on my mind.

I've been doing an immense amount of reading about building yourself up and moving forward , not dwelling on the negative; about taking chances and using my diagnosis to build a better life for myself.

It's overwhelming and one book actually tells you to stop and take a break at the end of some chapters. Another recommends you don't do it all at once.

I am thankful that I have choices and if I want to do this, I need to 'bust' my a s s to get it.

Tomorrow morning, Lily will measure me up for my wooden legs breast prostheses and new bras. I am looking forward to that. I will also ask her about specialised swimming costumes.



I still struggle with my self-image and looking in mirror definitely brings me down. I am losing my eye lashes and my bushy brows are thinning ...I should be a little grateful for that. I tell myself it is temporary and it is.

I went to a blog event Tuesday . I nearly didn't go because I felt so ugly awkward and I had nothing right to wear. I wanted to wear my red hat but I knew the white light reflecting from the back of my head would be blinding. ;) I wore a beanie instead :( - I couldn't risk getting sunburned, my head hasn't seen the sun there since I was a bald 2 yr old.

I am glad I went because I really enjoyed the day with my sons and nephew . I got to say hi and chat to blogging friends and meet up briefly with Lani from Western Australia, and another Sydney friend.

What are you thankful for this week ?


 ♥

Priscilla, Performances and Packages in the Post

I can't believe Thursday has rolled around already.

What makes me thankful today  ?

Today, our boys primary school had their biennial concert. The boys' class performed 'Happy Feet', in cute little Penguin costumes. (Unfortunately we were not allowed to take photos at the Theatre but the teacher has.)

They were first up of 19 acts . Every class, including Special Education, performed their act in the local Regional Theatre Centre {$15 a ticket for parents & guests...though tickets we just purchased for another Big Band show for my Father-in-law were $75 each)

Every child was attired in magnificent costumes, performing songs from stage and movie shows. They even had a commentary box with 'David' and 'Margaret' from ABC giving a sophisticated and heartfelt critique of next act. There was enthusiastic dancing and even cartwheels across the stage ;-).

I think they saved the best act till last, "Priscilla" (sans bus)- OMG it was a sight to see. All the girls & boys (Yr5-6 I think) including their male hairy legged teacher in drag dresses , wigs, high heels and makeup. There was roars of laughter and very enthusiastic clapping at the end. I don't know how they talked the boys into it o_O.

I'm so thankful I got to attend and we could change the time of my chemo tomorrow so the boys could perform in both shows. We will drive down to Sydney early tomorrow. The timing was perfect too because I feel best of all this week.

In the post yesterday I received a package from Lily Bliss to you. They are my new memory foam 'boobs' and two soft comfy bras. Lily has helped me so much already and has changed the way I now look at myself in the mirror of my mind ...

I have a long way to go before I feel comfortable with my body again. In some way , I'd be happy to go boob-less and bra-less but there is such an expectation that I conform to the norm.

I roared with laughter yesterday at Eden's vlog, I'm sure you have no doubt seen it.Oh, the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfectly loved.


I'd actually like to skip Friday because TGIF it is not ; I don't want deal with my third chemo tomorrow.

If you are on Facebook - can you take a minute to vote for Lily -under Home services - I'd be most thankful



 
Ha-ha -I forgot to be VERY thankful that we get free babysitting tonight because the children are performing tonight from 7pm and required to be at school from 6pm to 8.30pm. We send them to school in PJ's - The theatre is in walking distance to school .

We get to go out for dinner in between ( ~ the evening show is sold out and to be fair to working parents we didn't get tickets to both shows)

The teacher is going to give them a pizza party for dinner after their performance and put them back in Pj's. We just pickup and take them home to bed - how awesome is that.
♥