The C word and marking time.

My life is marked with big medical events on the calendar ...but at the same time not.

The perils of being at the mercy of public health system. (I might add a great system when it works in your favour. The local base hospital were prompt to treat and drain my haematoma , by ultrasound -twice this week.I am very grateful)


Yesterday, one Sydney hospital called to organise my PET scan - first I needed the dates for when my radiation would be starting and finishing. The PET scan needs to be 12wks after I finish radiotherapy - though the Radiation oncologist wanted me to have it in 2.5 months time ???

Um *$#@ !

I called the Radiation unit where I have radiation [2hrs away] - no dates yet, no deal and instead of 4wks I was told - it might actually be 

6wks before I start, 

+ 6-7wks of radiation - 

add 12wks recommended wait after I finish radiation (due to inflammation)

 =25wks

They weren't able to give me much information , too early in the process.
 
So ? almost 6 months before I can get the PET scan.
Um *$#@ ! , *$#@ !, *$#@ !

It will be eight months since I was diagnosed, 7 months since the Chest CT showed things we weren't expecting ...the nodules on my lungs and lesion in my neck ? maybe my liver. 

The PET is supposed to monitor them and check for growth or NOT; it probably can't tell if Breast cancer or Sarcoma related ?

I re-called the PET suite, while I was on hold they rang one doctor (Not THE Dr I saw 2 weeks ago-she is away) and he said they could do it 6wks after I finish radiation.The lovely lady was 'confused' and is going to follow it up further.

Still till long.
Still too scary.
In six months a lot can happen.
I don't even want to think about it.


Today's quote

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”
― Abraham Lincoln

Enjoy each day and dwell not so much on tomorrow - because if I worry think too far ahead my heart will break. !

So I am taking things one day at a time, it is the logical thing to do and worrying isn't going to hasten the process.

Cancer is a process, like all disease and illnesses.

In cancer we're always marking time , making decisions or being subject to decisions.
There are choices to be made, different treatments, many impossible possible options, with breast cancer and especially now with sarcomas. Different doctors have their own demarcation lines. It sucks they can't agree.

Waiting is *$#@ !* it is difficult to not let things get to me. 
Cancer (twice in 21 months) is a haunting situation; it feels like I will never ever relax again.

In happier news in the last few days many kind words have uplifted me, the Nurses at oncology, a few friends and church acquaintances, receiving in the mail :a daily devotional book from my SIL, several card (from the same friend) and a little peaceful thoughts kit and purple butterfly ring from a lovely blogging friend.

 ♥

Wellness and Chasing your dreams {Giveaway ~ RedBalloon for Mother's day}

This post is sponsored by Wellwoman and Digital Parents Collective

Many of life's great issues receive the same treatment .We size up the situation, we sift through evidence, weigh things in the balance and respond to the change in circumstances as best we can.

When you think about cancer and what you would do if you had to face that trauma - burying your head in the sand isn't very productive.

The inevitable question we ask is how do I stay well - physically , emotionally and financially ? Without question , after getting through my initial treatment , financial security has been one of our biggest concerns since my breast cancer diagnosis.

Australia has one of the best healthcare systems but there were many out of pocket costs and if you want your choice of surgeon you can expect to pay more.

Then how do you cope with the financial burden of maintaining your lifestyle,  ensuring your home life runs smoothly without too much disruption. It isn't easy to dismiss the little things like childcare, getting the kids to school, preparing meals - let alone the bigger issues like the mortgage or paying the rent.

Wellwoman, by AIG Direct, is a newly launched cancer insurance product in Australia for women aged 18- 69yrs - to assist in maintaining a woman's lifestyle as she focuses her energies on recovery.

When you are diagnosed with any of the seven cancers specific to women - Breast cancer, Ovarian cancer, Cervical cancer, Cancer of the uterus, vagina, vulva or fallopian tubes. Wellwoman - cover pays a one-off, lump sum payment of between $25,000 and $45,000 after a confirmed diagnosis, Subject to the exclusions and conditions in the policy. Of course if you have already had cancer then this may not be for you. 

Wellwoman insurance is designed as a one off measure of support should a woman face a female specific cancer diagnosis and is not intended to replace health or life insurance.

This leaves you to focus on your treatment and recovery ; things that matter most - steadiness and stability.The payment can be used for anything you choose e.g. a holiday or mortgage repayments or for you to chase your dreams.

My next favouite quote at moment ...unknown author , my photo !

 I am ready to chase my dream again and put my energy into my most important goals . I have the determination to focus on wellness and happiness . I need to put some other goals on hold for now ...like running a half marathon.

For now, I've picked a few goals and I'm focusing on those that make me feel a well woman like ...exercising, feeling sand between my toes and even enjoying a massage !

RedBalloon

Now I get to offer one lucky reader the chance to win a Day Spa treatment from RedBalloon – a One Hour Full body and Mind Massage (valued at $110 - available in Australia nationally). Just in time for Mother's Day.

Tell me what makes you feel like a well woman ?

Click here to see the full terms and conditions of this giveaway - the closing date of my giveaway has been extended until  14th May 11.59pm.

Wellwoman Cancer Insurance easing the financial burdens

Sponsored by Wellwoman and Digital Parents Collective

Just over nine months ago my life plan was interrupted when I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma 'IDC'- also known simply as Breast cancer.

Life shattering. Life changing.
  
When I read about Wellwoman I knew it was something that the women amongst my family, friends and readers would honestly benefit from. I know the harsh financial burdens that accompany a cancer diagnosis. ' Financial ' stress added to my worries.

It is not easy to talk or think about a cancer diagnosis as a mother or wife.No-one wants to consider it happening to them. EVER. This was my reality and 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with Breast cancer in their lifetime.

Wellwoman, by AIG Direct, is a newly launched cancer insurance product in Australia for women aged 18- 69yrs.

Say you are diagnosed with any of the seven cancers specific to women -
Breast cancer, Ovarian cancer, Cervical cancer, Cancer of the uterus, vagina, vulva or fallopian tubes. Wellwoman - cover pays a one-off, lump sum payment of between $25,000 and $45,000 after diagnosis.

This leaves you to focus on your treatment and recovery and things that matter most - not worrying yourself sick about the bills. The payment can be used for anything you choose e.g. a holiday, childcare or mortgage repayments.

 




Premiums start from $9.95 per month (Top cover is $19.95 per month).Wellwoman does not cover pre-malignant tumours, cancers currently undergoing tests or previously diagnosed. [Check their Product Disclosure for more information.]

I'll tell you more about Wellwoman later and I've got a special giveaway to launch too.

Linking up with Jess #IBOT
 ♥

If life seems jolly rotten

Today, as I was driving home from town I heard this song playing on my car radio. I started to sing along to the chorus , as you do ...cheesy song or not.

words and music by Eric Idle

 

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

I probably heard the tune dozens of times {& more} but I've never really listened to the words ...it freaked me out as suddenly got to a certain bit - you know that moment when you realise the actual lyrics...That !

ANY SONG mentioning death or dying makes me anxious . It was the second time today too !!.


In retrospect I have to laugh now, it is kind of a cheer me up song.

I was feeling very down and irritable today ... I can't use the expression 'pulling my hair out' anymore...but you get the drift.

I felt very vulnerable , deciding to attend the boys' school assembly to see their singing item {and see them not get the awards that are due to them}. 

Even going anywhere lately I feel anxious and paranoid. I see the second looks I get. I am continually wondering if my hair 'headgear' looks okay or crooked, weirdo or is scrunched and freaky. My husband wasn't here today to tell me - though the other day I was later horrified at his idea of fixing and straightening my scarf ...argggh !

Today, I couldn't help looking at another 'cancer' lady (about my age and obviously bald and wearing a CanTeen scarf and with a gauze pad taped to the back of her hand - I guessed rightly it was chemo related) .

I saw her{& hubby I presume} first in the HCF (Health fund office) in main street , then 30 mins later in the shopping mall across the road. As I was going down the escalator - there She was sitting down along the side wall, outside the loos, alone. We made eye contact and she smiled at me , I smiled back.

Then I walked over and said 'Hello'. We exchanged a few details. She thought she'd recognised me from the local cancer centre. 'Probably not' I told her - 'I am just about to start there'. Then I told her I have 'breast cancer' and she replied 'pancreatic cancer'. . She said ' I might see you around sometime'. I wished her well and off I went.

Other conversations are ...awkward. It just isn't the right word. Uncomfortable ? I don't know what to say , when people I barely know, ask me 'how am I going' or 'how am I feeling ?' People such as ... the School Principal and the boys' teacher or a random mother I've chatted to a few times. I am guessing they don't really want to hear the details of my side effects .... insomnia, flatulence, nausea, irritability, hot flashes , mood swings etc.

So, tactfully , I respond with "I am good, thanks !" The checkout guys and girls too - what is it with asking me how my day has been ?

Instead - I try not to make eye contact with anyone. Especially, now my eyelashes are sparse and my eyebrows too - coupled with my slightly crooked & turned eye, I probably look like a zombie. When I look in the mirror I see a zombie stranger.

I don't dwell too much on my appearance - seriously ! I know my hair will grow back...eventually. It could be worse, my SIL's friend just lost her foot to cancer {she has started chemo too}.

The final point - Today, I'm thankful for my new memory foam boobs and better fitting bras ...my lovely perky but comfortable soft boobs . Why I will never consider reconstruction is another post for another day.

Have you ever not realised the actual lyrics in a song ...or ones that were different to what you first thought ?


♥

Reflections ... in the mirror

On Thursday especially, I take a moment to reflect on the past week.

I can't remember where I found this ...what do you notice ?

What were my up or down moments ?

What comes to mind ? 

I don't want this to just be a cancer blog, while the 'journey' is very much all consuming right now it is just a part of my life. I don't want pity or sympathy , though I appreciate genuine support and your encouraging comments.

I've had a good week this week. Three weeks on the roller-coaster rolls around so quickly and my next Chemo cycle #4 is tomorrow. It is the last of Chemotherapy round #1, and the last chemo I will have in Sydney. I know what to expect and that makes it easier - the next week will be hard but I'll get through to the other side in a week. I start round #2 in 3-4 weeks at my local Cancer Care Centre.

Today, I have a review with the oncologist {or I think the registrar}. I will ask about my health supplements and a few other things I have on my mind.

I've been doing an immense amount of reading about building yourself up and moving forward , not dwelling on the negative; about taking chances and using my diagnosis to build a better life for myself.

It's overwhelming and one book actually tells you to stop and take a break at the end of some chapters. Another recommends you don't do it all at once.

I am thankful that I have choices and if I want to do this, I need to 'bust' my a s s to get it.

Tomorrow morning, Lily will measure me up for my wooden legs breast prostheses and new bras. I am looking forward to that. I will also ask her about specialised swimming costumes.



I still struggle with my self-image and looking in mirror definitely brings me down. I am losing my eye lashes and my bushy brows are thinning ...I should be a little grateful for that. I tell myself it is temporary and it is.

I went to a blog event Tuesday . I nearly didn't go because I felt so ugly awkward and I had nothing right to wear. I wanted to wear my red hat but I knew the white light reflecting from the back of my head would be blinding. ;) I wore a beanie instead :( - I couldn't risk getting sunburned, my head hasn't seen the sun there since I was a bald 2 yr old.

I am glad I went because I really enjoyed the day with my sons and nephew . I got to say hi and chat to blogging friends and meet up briefly with Lani from Western Australia, and another Sydney friend.

What are you thankful for this week ?


 ♥