Mangoes, Melanoma, Minted Old Gold and The Book of Life - I must confess

Morning , Noon or Midnight ?
The posting time should give this away immediately 11.23 pm.

The legacy of being a shiftworker and an avid reader as a child and teenager (ok always) ... I confess couldn't put the book down and would sneak a torch under the covers.

[Though wickedly now, it includes the checking of Facebook before bed and being lured into clicking on links]


Responsibilities, as a more experienced Registered Nurse or in charge of shift, meant I often finished my afternoon shift later than some of my colleagues (who nicked off by 10.45pm). So the 11pm shift finish was more like 11.30pm Then I had to drive home , arriving home after midnight and needing to wind down. I still preferred afternoon shift as opposed to getting up at 6am, especially after going to bed often at 1am at least once a week - the quick shift.

Even now I rouse at 6am only if it really suits me ...to join the Vixen's running group , Personal training (though not in the last month) and dragon boat paddling (once a week).

I confess to loving the fact that none of my children were early risers as babies/toddlers. When I was breastfeeding they would happily doze back to sleep (albeit in our bed) after an early feed. I could not have kept up with them coped otherwise.

I've always been a night owl (like both my parents) , though I confess sometimes it catches up with me. Last night we digitally downloaded the  Book of Life on iTunes.

A very different movie to what I was expecting. The  ‪#‎dayofthedead‬ celebration was vibrant and the animation amazing. The Minions stayed awake all the way through , nudging me from my couch slumber as the end was nigh. I didn't realise I'd nodded off for a nana nap at nine.

Trying to recognise the well known voices of the animated characters and laughing out loud , it was quite funny and moving ... more than my running on empty tank could take. I fell under a sleeping spell. 

It's now available for digital download and I was gifted a code much to the delight of the minions.

THE BOOK OF LIFE, a vibrant fantasy-adventure, tells the legend of Manolo, a conflicted hero and dreamer who sets off on an epic quest through magical, mythical and wondrous worlds in order to rescue his one true love and defend his village. (c) Fox

Tonight, I'm mighty a anxious. I have to be up early and at the hospital by 8am for day surgery. The surgeon wants to get a better margin where the melanoma was removed 7 weeks ago. I'm worried how I'll look , being on my face and close to my eye. The only eye I have vision in. I'm very grateful I will be completely out like a light and feel nothing.

In prepartion for NBM - [fast from midnight] I've been inhaling a mango , Jersey caramels and Pepperminted Old Gold Dark chocolate. Consequently, I feel quite ill right at this moment.
Bad idea. Pass the antacids.

I'm still reovering from the Hysterectomy , so I haven't run or exercised much. My body is screaming out for action. Today was the first time I paddled or exerted myself in 4 weeks. I didn't pass out but I could feel the affects of inactivity.

I'm increasingly anxious about lots of things.

Sleep who needs it.
Are you a morning , noon or night person ?

 ♥

Are we ever really cancer free ? ..the buts and ifs

It's here.
Not , less than 10 days to Christmas.
I feel anxious, though I have no reason to be.
My scans are stable , except they have yet to scan my thigh where the malignant tumour MPNST was.
I will be asking for that to happen.

My husband and I head will travel 400kms to Sydney to see the Radiaiton oncologist for 6 monthly follow-up appointments, tomorrow, with Radiation Oncologist at The Crown Princess Mary Cancer Care Centre Westmead (what a mouthful)

We are so thankful for the Oncologists and other medical Drs who kept (keep) us ticking. This morning I read an article that nails it and helped me understand some of my own feelings.



This is a snippet.

I would always figure out what needed to be done and then did the best I could to move on, happy and worry-free. But now, not so much. I worry about my health, along with every ache and pain. I think about all the possibilities of what could attack my body. I think about my kids, my hubby, and my family. I think about cancer finding its way back into my life. Although I am a strong person and live a healthy and active lifestyle, I feel physically vulnerable all the time. What if the cancer never left? I sometimes fear that it will never be gone. Is anyone ever truly "cancer-free?"

I feel more emotionally vulnerable. That gut wrenching feeling is with me every day. Little aches and pains send subconscious shivers through my soul. I can't brush the worry off.

No amount of therapy would help because the fear is intense. I deal with it as best I can. I keep busy.

But the moment you are sent home with your "get out of jail free" card, you are alone, unsupported, and left to deal with the after effects no one really warns you about. No one tells you that you will come down from that adrenaline rush to a place where you don't know what you feel, think or how to move forward in your life.

http://www.ihadcancer.com/h3-blog/07-12-2014/Are-We-Ever-Really-Cancer-Free

I hope that it may be of some help to you, to understand too.

♥

5:2 Baked Parmesan crust Chicken Schnitzel with no oil

I recently started the 5:2 lifestyle with 2 days of fasting* (loosely followed at the moment).

After, watching the full documentary Eat , Fast and Live Longer from Michael Mosley and the science made sense to me with my nursing background. It is also recommended for those who want to reduce their cancer risk.

You can forge your own 5:2 path with any type of healthy 'diet' - Paleo , Vegan / Vegetarian using this basic plan. Google it , there is so much to learn.

There are 5 days of week to eat normally (obviously not pigging out excessively if you want looser pants) and 2 days of only 500* calories (women) 600 (men).

I am also joining in with Kirsten and Co for #operationloosepants - be careful with the #hashtag though #operationlosepants sounds more fun.

Last week was #4 and I'm late to the party - the mission to get looser pants by Christmas.

I've been following my own #operationskinnyjeans path and already have weeks 1-3 nailed.

I am in perpetual motion - doing 70,000 steps a week running , walking and incidental exercise. Plus I've been following a 30 day (day 25/30)  challenge involving sit-ups, lunges, push-ups, planks, wall sits and tri-dips. I've passed 600,000 in only a few months.

Paddling training will also resume 3 days a week now it's daylight savings (if I make it to all sessions). 

As Kirsten says - it's all about little steps…that don’t lead me to the fridge

 I digress - Week Four:  Try A New Recipe = get in the kitchen and give a new recipe a go!

Without a drop of oil ...I made healthy Chicken Schnitzel with Parmesan crust

I used this 5:2 recipe found at Lavendar and Lovage - for inspiration -  around 300 calories a serve (about 2 pieces because I used tenderloins here).

I didn't have time to style my food because my husband thinks eating food is more important than instagramming or photographing it.

Serves 2

250 - 300gms Chicken Breast or Tenderloins
1 egg white lightly beaten.
2-3* Tablespoons Freshly Grated Parmesan Cheese
2-3* Tablespoons Dried Breadcrumbs (I used homemade with wholemeal bread toasted)

(I prefer more crumbs and to have some over then trying to get every last crumb)

1. Slightly flatten your chicken breast or tenderloins until they are an even thickness.
2. Lightly beat one egg white.
3. Rub breadcrumbs and Parmesan cheese together - put them on a plate.
4. Dip the chicken schnitzels into egg white , then crumb mixture and coat evenly.
5. Place the onto a non-stock baking tray or onto baking paper (then bake in the oven until golden and cooked through (depending on thickness of chicken used) . I used my Actifry and they took 12mins.

I decided to use lightly beaten egg white to bind my breadcrumbs because the Actifry has a grooved base. I skipped the garlic and herbs this time because of my fussy lad.


Parmesan Crusted Chicken Schnitzel passed the particular husband test too !Served  with steamed vegies or grilled tomato - it was so delicious.

The ActiFry 2 in 1 made it so easy and it took 12 mins. I have used a similar recipe in my oven before. 

Today, I made a tasty chicken schnitzel, avocado and rocket sanga for lunch with leftovers.

Linking up to #IBOT and Essentially Jess

  ♥

What I think about Pink.

I celebrate the diversity of life and that we make up our own minds when we make a purchase.

It's Pinktober again.

I've come to dislike the plethora of pink merchandise  - commercialism of pink ribbon and breast cancer for profit.

I'm just over two years out from my Breast cancer and two days into October I've seen some bizarre campaigns to promote awareness or in the name of donating to research.

Several breast cancer bloggers I follow are disgusted about one hotel chain's plan to raise money and awareness for breast cancer - by promoting a woman in a provocative pose with their  “Get into Bed for the Cause” campaign offering guests luxurious pink sheets, pink robes ...

I am just as appalled.

Each year an increasing number of pink products are being pumped out and pimped with a pretty pink ribbon.

Breastless and bald doesn't make an advertising campaign. The all things pink and pink ribbon has been hijacked by some  unscrupulous and well meaning companies whose purpose is to boost sales, push products on the public because they will donate 10 cents to cancer research or awareness.

Yes, while contributing only a fraction of the profits they proceed to lure people into buying for a good cause - yet are you really donating to charity or to the cure ?

Make a bigger difference by donating directly to your Cancer charity of choice.


We're aware. Please find a cure for my friends diagnosed with 'terminal' secondary (breast and other) cancers that will ultimately cut short their life and give them grief and suffering trying to outlive the treatment.

Many were diagnosed early and it made no difference. The cure is what we need.

This is what breast cancer really looks like, not a woman in bed, legs in the air - adorned in a pink robe.

 I'm a survivor of life,  and all its challenges so far . I don't know if I will survive my two different cancers. I say I had Breast cancer , if someone wants to know and I'm a warrior not quite a survivor. I will live in it's shadows always.

My battle scars from the storms and wars I've weathered remind me every day. There is no avoiding it I feel even when my clothes cover the scars. 




  ♥

I Touch Myself Project

I started to see news of this project featuring Chrissy Amphlett's “I Touch Myself” filtering through my Facebook feed last night.
It is too close to my heart. It stopped me in my tracks.

• Talking to strangers or people in my real life about my boobs or lack there of. I feel a bit creeped out weird about what I overshare ; things I wouldn't have dare previously said out loud  to people about in real life .

Right now I have a pain in heart and a tear in my eye. I'm living in fear.

As Chrissie rode out on a horse called Music , she left us this legacy (sorry Willie) when she passed away almost a year ago

Early detection is vital.
My friend the dear Mrs Woog is an ambassador for

I Touch Myself Project.

Go ahead and check it out , then check yourself I'll wait.

Not sure how ?

One of the reasons I am blogging about my breast cancer journey is to raise and spread awareness. I know that reminding people to check their breasts could save their life.



Right now - I have a tortuous and terrifying 8wks wait (for a PET SCAN to see if the nodules found recently on my lungs are something to worry about - related to Breast cancer (or my MPNST Sarcoma) or nothing. They are too small right now to biopsy . The fear is crippling me. I wouldn't wish it on anyone - so please take note and touch yourself.


Touching yourself is healthy habit that should be as much a part of your daily routine, like showering, dressing and looking in the mirror. 

You don't need to wait for a special day, check your breasts wherever and whenever works for you but do it regularly. A minimum of monthly is recommended.


I was always a little Breast Aware but even so I was slack and hap hazard about checking.
I wasn't aware of all the changes to look for ...it isn't just a lump.

Most breast changes aren’t due to cancer - but if you find a change that is unusual for you, see your GP to make sure.

I had 2-3 symptoms at diagnosis - though my breasts were always lumpy. I found this website which tell you what to look for

A new lump or lumpiness, especially if it's only in one breast. A change in the size or shape of your breast. A change to the nipple such as crusting, ulcer, redness or inversion. A nipple discharge that occurs without squeezing A change in the skin of your breast such as redness or dimpling. An unusual pain that doesn't go away.

I had 2-3 symptoms at diagnosis - pain, discharge on squeezing (because I had pain) and my breasts were always kind of lumpy. I did see my GP immediately, both times I had nipple discharge. May 2011 it wasn't breast cancer (that I know).

How do you reduce your risks ? 

How do you calculate your risk based on evidence ?
Calculator

 I didn't know that an inherited faulty gene only accounts for 5% of all breast cancers. Even then breast cancer is so common that it need not be a faulty inherited gene that causes BC within the same family.

I thought it couldn't happen to me , though I've had several mammograms and ultrasounds despite that misguided belief...just for reassurance.


So have you felt yourself today ...you can never be too busy !


 I'm sorry if this makes your uncomfortable !

Watch the video and share it with all the women (and men) you know.

Thanks to Allie's suggestion - yes there is an app for that .

a fun one - Your man reminder

http://www.ibreastcheck.com/  in App store and Android.

  ♥

Sarcoma Update ~ There was a knock at the door - Aye Aye

Youtube and Facebook have been keeping me amused when I wasn't having my leg drained x 3 times x 70+mls each time.

There wasn't a knock at the door ; actually , the phone (twice) rang after a 10 day wait.

First , at 12.09pm I  received a call from local, gangbusting Cancer Care Nurse who said the Radiation Co-ordinator/Planning lady will call me either later today or tomorrow - once she tee'd up a DR to be at the Radiation Planning appointment...

At 12.46pm  Sitting on top of the phone Feeling glad I wasn't forgotten and practicing patience; She CALLED ME ; JOY. She was stellar.

My planning appointment is next Wednesday and I'll start radiotherapy 28th April; 30 treatments over 6-7 weeks. 

While I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed (or I also prefer dazzled as does my dear friend Kelley)  and tested on many levels , I'm beyond relieved we have a plan.

I haven't been running because don't want to stir up my leg - it seems to be settling with tight compression. NO more weekday paddling *sob* with the change from daylight savings

Now, I have to get our tax finished and get everything in order.

"I run because it's so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can't. But then you find your inner strength, and realise you're capable of so much more than you thought." – Arthur Blank

I am so thankful for the local Cancer Nurse who was liaising for me and my 'crackerjack' Breast Cancer Support Nurse still advocating for me. She is a dragon boat paddler too.

I'm immensely thankful for the team who will be doing the planning and for people praying for me and those sending me emails and messages saying they had been following my blog and I have been in their thoughts.

It’s really hard to put into words how grateful I really am.

What are you thankful for today ?

 ♥

The C word and marking time.

My life is marked with big medical events on the calendar ...but at the same time not.

The perils of being at the mercy of public health system. (I might add a great system when it works in your favour. The local base hospital were prompt to treat and drain my haematoma , by ultrasound -twice this week.I am very grateful)


Yesterday, one Sydney hospital called to organise my PET scan - first I needed the dates for when my radiation would be starting and finishing. The PET scan needs to be 12wks after I finish radiotherapy - though the Radiation oncologist wanted me to have it in 2.5 months time ???

Um *$#@ !

I called the Radiation unit where I have radiation [2hrs away] - no dates yet, no deal and instead of 4wks I was told - it might actually be 

6wks before I start, 

+ 6-7wks of radiation - 

add 12wks recommended wait after I finish radiation (due to inflammation)

 =25wks

They weren't able to give me much information , too early in the process.
 
So ? almost 6 months before I can get the PET scan.
Um *$#@ ! , *$#@ !, *$#@ !

It will be eight months since I was diagnosed, 7 months since the Chest CT showed things we weren't expecting ...the nodules on my lungs and lesion in my neck ? maybe my liver. 

The PET is supposed to monitor them and check for growth or NOT; it probably can't tell if Breast cancer or Sarcoma related ?

I re-called the PET suite, while I was on hold they rang one doctor (Not THE Dr I saw 2 weeks ago-she is away) and he said they could do it 6wks after I finish radiation.The lovely lady was 'confused' and is going to follow it up further.

Still till long.
Still too scary.
In six months a lot can happen.
I don't even want to think about it.


Today's quote

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”
― Abraham Lincoln

Enjoy each day and dwell not so much on tomorrow - because if I worry think too far ahead my heart will break. !

So I am taking things one day at a time, it is the logical thing to do and worrying isn't going to hasten the process.

Cancer is a process, like all disease and illnesses.

In cancer we're always marking time , making decisions or being subject to decisions.
There are choices to be made, different treatments, many impossible possible options, with breast cancer and especially now with sarcomas. Different doctors have their own demarcation lines. It sucks they can't agree.

Waiting is *$#@ !* it is difficult to not let things get to me. 
Cancer (twice in 21 months) is a haunting situation; it feels like I will never ever relax again.

In happier news in the last few days many kind words have uplifted me, the Nurses at oncology, a few friends and church acquaintances, receiving in the mail :a daily devotional book from my SIL, several card (from the same friend) and a little peaceful thoughts kit and purple butterfly ring from a lovely blogging friend.

 ♥

Wordless Wednesday - Holy Hypodermics Batman !

Something you don't see everyday - Batman and Batwoman wandering the corridors of the hospital -taking selfies too. - while I was waiting for a DR to stick a needle in my thigh. They said it was Batman Day  #100Happydays 23/100 it made me laugh and forget about my problems #sbtbhabitofhappiness

What is making you smile today ?

An InLinkz Link-up

♥

Bracing myself for what comes next - update.

On Friday I noticed my left thigh seemed to be more swollen. I wondered if it could have been related to another trip to Sydney on Thursday. This time my husband drove so we could attend a funeral of my dear friend's mum - about 9-10hrs return. It got worse over the weekend despite massage.

I wish I'd thought to wrestle slip on my compression [running] pants. Today, I chased around trying to get an ultrasound since I'd self diagnosed a seroma (accumulated fluid) ,much easier to deal with compared to the alternative an infection/abscess or something else - though it was unlikely.

The GP couldn't get me an appointment at either of the two local imaging centres , so he said present to the hospital.

Thankfully, I had my iPad and 2048 and Sudoku to pass the waiting time. My mobile wifi refused to connect.

 I'm grateful I got the ultrasound because I would have cracked it I don't want anything to delay the start of the radiotherapy. My appointment with the Professor -Radiation Oncology is tomorrow to get that rolling.

As it was a seroma (and I was a private patient for my surgery in Sydney), the Dr rang my surgeon in Sydney, out of courtesy, for advice. I need to have the accumulated fluid [seroma] drained by a needle and syringe aspirated under guided ultrasound tomorrow at 9.45am, at the hospital.

It took a while to get everything sorted and then I was quite stressed because I had to be home to meet my boys at the school bus. I made it just in time.

Bracing myself for what comes next because I might need to have it done a few times, I hope it sounds worse than it actually is ?
Fun times.

EDIT - Well we were wrong - the fluid was a haematoma and a collection of blood not serous fluid - about 70mls was aspirated by a bloody big 19 gauge needle and syringe. It is still a bit swollen looking but swelling has reduced. The worse part was the local anaesthetic injection. It is now sorer than before but I'm sucking it up and going to paddle today anyway.

I am now (in the next week or so) in waiting, for the call to give me an appointment for Radiation treatment planning.

  -♥