What I think about Pink.

I celebrate the diversity of life and that we make up our own minds when we make a purchase.

It's Pinktober again.

I've come to dislike the plethora of pink merchandise  - commercialism of pink ribbon and breast cancer for profit.

I'm just over two years out from my Breast cancer and two days into October I've seen some bizarre campaigns to promote awareness or in the name of donating to research.

Several breast cancer bloggers I follow are disgusted about one hotel chain's plan to raise money and awareness for breast cancer - by promoting a woman in a provocative pose with their  “Get into Bed for the Cause” campaign offering guests luxurious pink sheets, pink robes ...

I am just as appalled.

Each year an increasing number of pink products are being pumped out and pimped with a pretty pink ribbon.

Breastless and bald doesn't make an advertising campaign. The all things pink and pink ribbon has been hijacked by some  unscrupulous and well meaning companies whose purpose is to boost sales, push products on the public because they will donate 10 cents to cancer research or awareness.

Yes, while contributing only a fraction of the profits they proceed to lure people into buying for a good cause - yet are you really donating to charity or to the cure ?

Make a bigger difference by donating directly to your Cancer charity of choice.


We're aware. Please find a cure for my friends diagnosed with 'terminal' secondary (breast and other) cancers that will ultimately cut short their life and give them grief and suffering trying to outlive the treatment.

Many were diagnosed early and it made no difference. The cure is what we need.

This is what breast cancer really looks like, not a woman in bed, legs in the air - adorned in a pink robe.

 I'm a survivor of life,  and all its challenges so far . I don't know if I will survive my two different cancers. I say I had Breast cancer , if someone wants to know and I'm a warrior not quite a survivor. I will live in it's shadows always.

My battle scars from the storms and wars I've weathered remind me every day. There is no avoiding it I feel even when my clothes cover the scars. 




  ♥

I can see clearly now ~ an update

..the rain is gone.

While some days it feels like life is spiraling out of control , it is days like today when you get good news that you can take a step back and see things more clearly.

"May I never miss a sunset or rainbow because I am looking down." Sara June Parker

Negative thinking is unfortunately always a part of life after cancer , even when we go about it without thinking too much about it.

Before we know it , the next appointment is here.
A tumble of feelings that pile up like a train wreck .
Mind games ; I don't want to talk about.

My husband got great news today . It is all good after his last PET scan (last week) - so we are immensely relieved and thankful for his continuing good health *.

Summary

Positron emission tomography (PET) is a unique medical imaging procedure that can provide information about how an organ or system in the body is working. PET scans can detect cancer in its early stages, help to monitor cancer treatment and check if the cancer is coming back. PET scans are also used to diagnose and assess conditions of the brain and heart.

Every day , I am thankful for my husband's strength and tenacity. I am grateful we can pause for a moment to just reflect and recognize all that we do have and enjoy it simply for what it is, without thinking about what it is not. We have a future that is filled  hope and promise always, according to our faith. 

In rear vision mirror

Sometimes we are overwhelmed by challenges, by the road we have to travel - a cr@ptastic detour. We do our best to carry on normally. There are miles to go before we can feel reassured... there is no way out but through.

We each hold all the moments of our life in our grasp and what we make it of determines who we are. Every day we hold opportunity or excuses.  

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I am still shattered for another family member diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour, very recently. While she is very aware of her prognosis , I pray she doesn't lose the fight.
 

[He had a very rare, malignant tumour removed in April 2010 from his right temple/muscle very close to his facial nerves/skull. Then he had 6 weeks of radiation therapy in June/July 2010. Hub will have ongoing followup for years]

Ps My heart goes out to those affected by the floods across the Eastern States in particular. The rain has stopped here again and we remain unaffected, just with sodden, slippery paddocks, a little flowing creek and slightly fuller water tanks.

♥

Ok , now ... moving on

The last 5 days have been nerve wracking, to say the least. Last Thursday my husband had another round of followup - CT scans of his head, temporal regions and a chest CT.

I know I live by faith not fear , however it doesn't make us immune to illness, stress, depression and cancer.

We knew the scans were coming and it is only after M has them that the worry sets in like concrete. Hard and heavy.

It has almost been 17 months since M finished his radiation therapy. We planned our road trip around his three monthly appointments. M is well despite troublesome headaches; they attribute mostly to stress.

Today, we were SO relieved that there is no evidence of recurrent disease where his tumour was and no local recurrence in his chest etc. (I love this image a friend posted of fireworks on my Facebook)

As we sat waiting in the newly renamed, Crown Princess Mary Cancer Care Centre - try saying that in one breath , I knew that everyone was there, like us, hoping for good news. A sea of quiet sombre faces.

A young mother was seated nearby bearing tubing, hanging from her clothing about the waist and a dark fluid filled drainage vac/bag. She was there with 2 little boys and her husband.I felt teary.Most of the others were older folks. Lots of bald heads, you try not to look, at as you walk the corridors ... men and women, young and old. No one is immune to the scourge of cancer.

Fortunately we walked out with good news.M queued up to book more appointments for 3 and 6 months time. It is a blessed relief to be moving on and making those appointments in a way.

We then went upstairs to book a different, PET, scan for February. There was a lady in the waiting room who overheard my hub mention his two Drs names to the receptionist booking his appointment. The lady mentioned they were her husband's Drs and he was having his scan right then.

She continued taking , without us really asking much ; He was diagnosed a week ago, on his kidney, the lovely Drs, her nightmares, not sleeping, not eating, starting radiation and then surgery (reverse of what M had because he had surgery first then radiation) and the what if's ... I knew exactly what she meant.

It wasn't a very long chat but at that moment in time, I hope, we communicated HOPE and shared the confidence we had in her husband being in the right hands with same Drs - how amazing was that in a huge hospital like Westmead. 

I am guessing her situation is compounded by being confined to a wheelchair, with several fused fingers/hand on the ends of both her elbows (She had virtually no forearms...and I didn't ask.) She showed us and told us she was chewing her nails off.

Then she said her husband's first name - and it was the same as my husband. Freaky. We told her  ...She laughed and said " So you are a sh*t.head too then ?" We all laughed but I disputed it !

I still wanted to hug her and say "It will be ok " but it didn't seem right plus she was holding her tapestry (I am in awe of how she managed it with her hands/fingers/forearms disability). 

Who am I to know ? how it all will end ? 

Step by step is all I can manage. I gave her my Cancer Care newsletter instead. I realise now I didn't even tell her my name or ask hers ( Sam, my 5yr old would have asked her in a flash,had he been there.)

Was it a chance meeting or what ?

Anyway , I can also say we are moving on. Today the Real Estate rang to say they have leased our home . We have to be out in 3 weeks + 3days. It is being leased to 4 young doctors in their final year of medicine who need to be close to our local hospital.

It's another huge step for us, moving on, though we rather we had just sold - it gives us a safety net to come back to. True be told, I've been sweating on the results to know we could still move to the farm and not have a reason to stay ... if you know what I mean.

Moving on ...

♥

Moving on - Good news

I am always a little hesitant announcing good news, it is just the way I am.

However I know that there are so many whose prayers and kind thoughts I have appreciated.
Small comments from a far that bring immeasurable comfort.It’s been such a mammoth 10 months.

The PET scan DH had last week was all clear. We got GOOD news when we saw the Oncologist at Westmead today - except for showing he really did fracture a rib in December when he came off the motorbike at the farm when Dubbo flooded and the farm was inundated with rain and water run off.

No wonder he was so sore. We couldn't get out that night anyway and the next day he had other concerns and soldiered on.I can't believe he struggled through that pain digging and getting vehicle unbogged. 

I never want to come off as comment or attention seeking in the face of DH's cancer journey. We still have miles to go before we can feel reassured .They keep telling us what a rare cancer it is. So I feel many more emotions than I can express here.

credit

I don't portray that my life is perfect, because I promise you – it’s not. I so thankful I finally have a little good news to share…it means we can move on with plans to finalise closure of our business, sell our house, have a holiday road trip and take the long road 'home' to a shack in the country.

Ps : We'll celebrate our 21st Wedding anniversary on Thursday so what better gift.
 ♥ Never miss a post

The Perfect Gift

Australian Red Cross Blood Service has launched a new and innovative Christmas campaign with the tagline “The Perfect Gift”. The focus of this campaign is to get people to consider giving something that will really make a difference this Christmas by donating blood and giving the gift of life.

There is a dedicated page where users can watch and share “The Perfect Gift” TVC. They can also print out and personalise a specially made “The Perfect Gift” gift box which they can put together and give to friends, family and colleagues bringing this digital campaign into the real world.

My dear Dad (~2005) during his treatment for Acute Myeloid Leukemia received countless life saving blood donations. I am forever grateful to those people who gave him this gift that allowed us to have him in our lives longer.

Ivy also needs your gift ...

This beautiful ballerina "Ivy"(5yrs) is one of many special people who have received the gift of life thanks to people who donate blood. Ivy receives a transfusion of IVIG every 3 weeks.

THERE'S NO BETTER GIFT THIS CHRISTMAS THAN GIVING LIFE.

Stuck for the perfect Christmas gift? Why not give something that will really make a difference. This year, give something life-saving and donate blood. Every donation saves three lives. To find out how to give the perfect gift, visit http://www.donateblood.com.au/blood-service-campaign/the-perfect-gift?sourceId=PGBL

1. Make an appointment to donate blood 13 14 95 or online
2. Print the PDF gift box on the ARCBS website (see above).
3. Write a personal note inside , talk to your family & friends about donating blood.
   

The hard facts: (AUSTRALIA)

• Every donation can save three lives.
• Every donation is valuable because 1 in 3 Australians will need blood, yet only 1 in 30 donates.
• The need for blood is constant and all blood components have a limited shelf life, which is why donations are needed every day. Blood and blood treatments are delivered to hospitals around Australia 24 hours a day, 7 days a week – even on Christmas Day.
• Australia needs over 26,000 blood donations every week to save lives and to meet the need of patients.
• Donations made in December could help patients recover to be home for Christmas or the New Year.

Editted to add ...Please keep Ivy in your thoughts & prayers today as she is having surgery.

♥ Never miss a post

Silver Linings

I know I haven't really written much lately. Though life is never short of being eventful.
A few weeks ago it was #3 son Joel, having a concussion & surgery for a laceration under his eye, then DH having what was supposed to be simple surgery for drainage of an abscess or something. Then last week the Teen cutting his foot while swimming (or exiting the water) at the local river. He had a few sutures. J had another fall at a playground...phew just a bruise.

DH - it wasn't an abscess.
So, here we are.
So, I've been going through that paralysis that hits when there is lots to say and fear to say it... my husband has been diagnosed with a 'tumour' near his right temple.
So, they aren't sure what it is exactly.
So, today was the first appointment with the Surgical oncologist. I won't go into details.

The Specialist Dr is lovely and positive.
The Cancer Care Centre is a relatively new purpose built consultation & treatment centre.
It's interior is bright & shiny, calming & comforting in a way.
It was quiet.
Gentle whispers and voices , soft padding of feet on the carpeted floors.
All the people we saw probably have their own stories to tell. Each person seemed to have a support person, they encourage it. Some you could see were well into their treatment journey of hope.

Though, no one looks another in the eyes, you can see we all are here to find our way to the silver lining - the place where you can feel hopeful again.

Things in life aren’t always easy, we are changed after we or our loved ones experience Cancer and other serious illnesses.

My main advice (for myself) is don't think too far ahead. Don't worry too far ahead. I (we) have to literally take each day as it comes. Be thankful for the time and the days you get to spend together, spend them wisely.

A young, pregnant mum (of 2 under 3), I know of , lost her 36yr old husband unexpectedly , in his sleep over Easter. I don't know any more details why... but it makes you stop in your tracks.

Whatever you want to do, do it now (realistically)- there are only so many tomorrows. Look at your situation and make adjustments. We've had a few plans now to leave our business and do some amazing things and we will (that's another future post or two) ...sooner.

Days of Grace

1. Private health Insurance ...so his surgery is able to be scheduled for next week.
2. Today , I'm especially grateful for our family & friends who are generous, loving, and prayerful.The unchanging, steady pillars of faith alongside our faith in God.
3. The prayers that are being said daily on our behalf mean the world to us.
4. Opportunities waiting to be explored in other areas in our life. (We have a lot of other exciting things happening)
5. Strawberry cream filled Freddo frogs...not quite silver but mmm.
   

Noun

1.

silver lining - a consoling aspect of a difficult situation; "every cloud has a silver lining"; "look on the bright side of it"

Ps.. It would have been my Dad's 68th birthday tomorrow.Today, we were right next door to the hospital where he passed away from his battle Leukemia 4.5 yrs ago. I miss him.Tonight I'll raise my glass to him. He did love a good wine.
We were also right next door to the IVF clinic where our gorgeous twins Sam & Joel were conceived. That's all ...

♥

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A little bit of this and a little bit of that ...

Tonight ... in 30 mins time we farewell 2007 and greet 2008.

The babies are finally asleep after a chocolate fuelled evening and late afternoon nap. We dropped our tall,lean manboy, D, off at my Aunt's to give us him a break. So they napped on the way home and woke at 6.30pm ... not good.

We had a few days away on the NSW Central Coast near a weedy fringed but serene lake. I didn't get much of a rest. I haven't water-skiied for 3-4 years but the boys did.The little terrors didn't stop and with a balcony to climb over , things to trash and a lake nearby I was on my toes literally but it was a change. They fell asleep in the boat.

I came home to over 130 plus posts in my Google reader and I just finished them all.Plus a few new updates today.

I promise I will catch up with you as soon as I get five hours minutes to spare.These festive season gigs are so exhausting, especially when you get to be host/hostess for two jam packed days ... so much to do, so little time and especially with my still breastfeeding twins in tow.

It took us 4 hours to pack for a three day trip. We got home last night .Today, we just through the unpacking after the trip stage of our too short holiday and then the Christmas and Boxing day mess we left behind on the 27th.

Well the DH did a lot of it. Three trestle tables and 20 chairs to pack away, rearrange furniture, washing, hanging it out,cleaning, washing the floor, and vacuuming. I 'd rather not mention the new toys plastic crap that somehow, somewhere must be incorporated into our overflowing household already full of more than enough toys.

On a more serious note on the afternoon of the 27th after a few hours of braving the post Christmas sales my SIL (from Queensland) slipped on the embankment down the back of my Father in law's and broke her ankle in 3 places. The ambulance was called - and she was transported to a nearby hospital for treatment. Once there she was offloaded to a wheel chair and waited for ages to be seen and x rays ... then once the fracture was diagnosed she was transported to another hospital for surgery... at 2am in the morning But ...

There she languished for 3 days before they operated to pin and plate her fractured ankle~ yesterday. Her surgery was cancelled so many times for other emergencies.Understandably a few Caesarians. Only they starved her so many times and then had no food to offer her.

Today, she was discharged. She ( & her hubby) missed her flight home to Queensland (Sat) but hopefully with Jetstar's compassion she may get a refund. She will now be off work for 6 weeks. She also just spent 2 weeks in Cambodia on a Christian mission too.

So what will 2008 bring ... I have 42 resolutions one for each of my 42 New years and a rehash of my 43 things. Stay tuned ... if it doesn't bore you. It's a work in progress.

I still feel a little deflated ... the anxious and joyous anticipation of Christmas, barely 7 days ago - gone. The Christmas tree ... to go~ tomorrow. The excess of food ... gone - the chocolate ... NOT gone (I got an extra stash tonight at half price). The Sales ... do you think I am crazy who takes 1 yr old twins shopping. I can't leave them long enough because of breastfeeding and the fact DH can't do much with them awake. Heehee - I think he understands why I don't achieve much in a day.

So 2007 is really gone, gone and going in about 2 mins.

Happy NEW year to all my blogging friends and thank you to my faithful readers. I am curious to know who you all are.

I am committing to so many resolutions but they definitely may conflict with my DH's . The computer and Internet/blogging is an issue to be negotiated till I win arguement discussed.

My commitment to a new diet is strong but I am weak. It's really no wonder I feel accompanying 'mixed' seasonal emotions and a little defeated.

Bring in on - 2008 a new beginning.

I will do my 2007 roundup tomorrow and my New Years resolutions asap... I am open to suggestions except by my husband.