Less is More

It seems the less I write the more comments I get ...

It seems I have more followers but less commenters ...

It has been a long month of NaBloPoMo but I've enjoyed it so far ...

This is but a part of a very long poem by Robert Browning

Yet do much less, so much less, Someone says,
(I know his name, no matter)--so much less!
Well, less is more, Lucrezia: I am judged.

Life has been busy , some days it feels like everything is unraveling. The less I do the more I have to do ...eventually.

Anyway, welcome to ICLW visitors ...thnak you for starting at the bottom of the list . (I am # 188) you can read my long term infertility, adoption, pregnancy loss (stillbirth) and IVF (twin) journey ...if you like.

I’d like to invite any lurkers to reveal themselves, so please de'lurk (is this a word ?) and say 'Hi there' or maybe ask me a burning question.

PS Missyboo , I'm working on my honest scrap post I promise it is coming.



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Face space at six degrees

*waves* Where have I been ?

Well , we are back from a few days away on the NSW Central Coast. The beach was sensational and I even dared to get wet in the surf.

Today, I risked my 'old' bones and went water skiing for the first time *shrugs* since I can't remember ???

Sorry I have been neglecting my google reader (for too long) and your blogs. Seriously, I miss you all. I've had limited online time most of this month. I haven't forgotten you or your fabulous blogs ...nor have I traded you in on my latest addiction Facebook. Spring and Summer are when I seem to busy from dawn until the witching hours of the night.

Oh Facebook ... I signed up a long time ago to keep vaguely in touch with a few friends. To be honest for months I rarely even checked it.Then one day something clicked .I began to browse the status of my friends , leave comments and get cheeky. It was fun and interesting.

I *grins* finally worked out how to use the damn thing too.I couldn't get the hang of twitter at all.

I started to discover more people I knew on Facebook. One night when my cousin was visiting I introduced him to Facebook and he told me, laughing, his mother called it 'FACE SPACE' - she has no idea of either . I laughed hard too. Then we searched for his sisters to add as his friends. We found one easily ... too easily.

I searched for a few others and I am so amazed at how small the world is ...do you remember that song it's a small world after all...well it is. Freakily so.

A few weeks ago I found a very special friend on Facebook. We have reconnected in the cyber world so far.

A few days I was thinking about family and my cousins we hadn't seen in a long time (since my grandmother's funeral over 6 years ago).One was my flower girl (almost 19 yrs ago) I found her in amongst about first 50 - 'relatively' easily - her smile unmistakable , beautiful eyes hidden behind sunnies. Then her brother D, and my Aunty M (who had remarried). I rejoiced when they added me as their friends.

Then I thought about niece on my husband's side. I search her name ... R M over '150' , one of the them had a profile picture of a cute little girl . I knew it wasn't my niece's child but I clicked anyway in case it was her 'niece'... then I saw a 'friend in common' ... my male cousin, D - I had just added as a friend ... too freaky. He had a friend with same name as my husband niece ( totally unrelated and besides he has never met my husband's niece) and This is what they reckon about six degrees of separation. The theory states that everybody on this planet is separated by only six other people...

I saw my cousin's status had a comment from a name I 'recognised' - he was a pastor from our old Church, who came to our wedding , and so many more coincidences.

I have clicked on other random people too to see a friend in common , two people I know from playgroups who went to my primary and/or highschool ... a fair distance from where I live now. Not something you talk about in general conversation I guess where you went to school.

Another of my friend, G has a sister who found me not through her sister but through another lady who has twins.

A fair few blogging friends are my Facebook friends, they know my real name and other info.I have resisted the temptation to just add anyone as a friend.

I found a whole bunch of "kids" I went to school with but I didn't be "friend" them - they were never really my friends . Though I can seriously see from a tiny profile picture some have not changed much (in 24 yrs) others well ...enough said

So where is this all going you are wondering ...I guess what it comes down to is that I have to question my intentions with this blog and Facebook.

Do I want them intertwined ?

Do you ever have this question, like, where am I going or what do I plan on doing with this?

What is this I’m trying to create? I like my blog to be anonymous but Facebook is very much a public diary. I love the connections and knowing what my friends are up to and their status ...moods and all. I share this and that but not my blog on there.

My blog is a place where I journal random stuff, showcase my thoughts *cough* and share a little in the days of my life ? I have fun but a mix of serious stuff too.

I don’t even know if I am I ready to share more of my 'blog' with my FB 'friends' and FB family.

Though , I have nothing to hide, as my FB = Bloggy pals know I am real deal. I am nothing special and my family, friends aren't unique or famous (though infinitely special in case they are reading) but you then you can’t blog about stuff in case they think it is about them (like the song says ...you probbaly think this song is about you - It may be ) or stuff you don't wish to share with them.

Which ...is why at the moment I can't write about emotional or sensitive things that could be very bloggable fodder.

I still toy with the idea I need an anonymous blog but then I would have 'two' blogs and two identities and twice the responsibility ( LOL I have enough of THAT already) .Honestly it just doesn’t sound very appealing to me. Messy in fact. I know a few bloggers who can do it ;)

Besides who could I tell - I wouldn’t tell you about my other blog because then it would not be anonymous.

So for now I guess I won’t write about those really personal things and things I want to vent about in case someone reads it and gets upset...even if it is my blog.

I am normally a private person in real life. I don't seek advice much if at all. I feel a little lost about a lot of things right now . I have a clue as to what direction my GPS is still in the box to go in.

It is when I lose my direction that I spend days doing other things than blogging...well that and when the sun is shining.

My life is a little crazy right now but I love it.

"Friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine." (Thomas Jefferson)

PS: I don't understand MYspace at all but I know it rules the lives of teenagers and especially my own 15 yr old son and his friends.

PPS: Welcome to WTBAY and ICLW visitors. I promise to return visit you asap.

PPPS: Pictures ? well you have to wait till I unpack my camera cord.
♥

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Almost there

We all need a little Christmas cheer - 12 Crazy days of Christmas are almost over . I saw this on Rhubarb whine and I loved it ...hope you enjoy it too.



Last year I posted this the funniest 12 days of Christmas and I want to share it again.It's brilliant.



This is an acappella group 'Straight No Chaser' from Indiana University singing a fantastic fun version of “Twelve Days of Christmas”. They are amazing at how they keep their parts straight in this. Included are a bit of “12 Days”, “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer”, “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel”, ”Santa Claus is coming to Town”, “Deck the Halls”, “Carol of the Bells”, “The Boar’s Head Carol”, and wraps up with “12 Days” sung to the tune of “Africa” by the band Toto.
♥

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Hardly There

It 's almost Christmas and that time of year we are more painfully aware of the loved ones that are no longer with us or those that never made it past the sanctuary of the womb.

I found this quote somewhere ...

"though in reality you were hardly there ~ in my heart you were everything"

Christmas Angel...

I have a little angel
I hang upon my tree
She reminds me of another that
I cannot touch or see.
As I place my lovely angel midst
the sparkling lights on high
My other little angel roams the
dazzling, star lit sky.

As I celebrate at Christmas time
God's child who came to Earth
I think back to that special day-
My own beloved child's birth.
As long ago, the world was shown
A wondrous star above,
within my heart there shines a light
of pure undying love.

Perhaps for one, she'll put aside
her thoughts of heavenly things,
remembering this time on Earth
she'll soar on shimmering wings.
Join little ones with shining eyes and
thoughts of Christmas glee,
The holy day, she'll spend with us-
her earthly family.

Perhaps we have a feeling that
our little one is near
As she soothes the sad place in our hearts
and dries our secret tears.
Then she'll take flight on outstretched wings
for heaven up above
while we receive the greatest gift
of God's eternal love.
~ Alice Check Beaverton

Thank you for Tiff and ~William~ for sharing this poem with me in 2006.

Image from Flickr

Four years ago I didn't want to celebrate Christmas.

Three years ago we were approaching Christmas joyfully barely 8 weeks pregnant with our twin sons. We shared the joyful news on Christmas day - uncertain but hopeful.

It isn't possible to put into words how much it meant to us after losing Charlotte. She was due December 1st but was stillborn 1st September.

I struggle to imagine what if's ... if she didn't die and /or would they be here at all...?

There are seasons in the our lives that we must all go through ...they make us what we are today.

Faith , Hope , Believe ...Pray ! - If you have time to pray for sweet, precious Kayleigh - a real Christmas Miracle, who really needs your prayers.

oh and Laugh ...I just remembered this post a year ago yesterday
♥

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3 years ago ...

I extracted this entry from an online diary I kept on a forum ...it was 3 years ago.

It was prompted by this mornings Dr's appointment for my little boy - I drove right past our fertility clinic. I was vaguely aware of the date - the date that changed our lives forever.

Nov 14th 2005 ~ 5 embryos still growing on morning of day 6 but only two were deemed viable embryos .So we transferred both. We thought chances of twins were remote let alone a pregnancy. We didn't want any left over embryos (if we were successful) with our 1st cycle history a lone embryo might not survive thawing. Mind you as we walked out the hospital we saw twin boys in a pram and gave each other the LOOK !

In 2ww I had bad cramping only probably due to the progesterone gel Crinone but no real pregnancy symptoms.I had some spotting so pessimistically I thought AF was on her way.

Nov 22nd 2005 day 14 of 2ww ~ 8 days after transfer I thought I would do HPT it was actually the last one of three (the first two I used 5 minutes apart when I found out I was pregnant with Charlotte eighteen months before).The expiry date was close so I figured may as well use it because it would go to waste before got to do another cycle.

When I saw two pink lines I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a dodgy test as close to expiry so I didn't get my hopes up.

Nov 23rd ~Nervously, I waited awake half the night till 5.30am to use a cheap internet HPT . 2 pink lines quicker ! IT WAS POSITIVE. I then woke my DH and rang the clinic at 7.30am .I had to know if I was pregnant. It was Wednesday ,one of 3 days they did pregnancy BT, but my beta HCG test wasn't't supposed to be till the next Monday. Our clinic made your BT three weeks after your egg pickup. I wasn't going to wait. The nurse agreed I could come in.

After I had the BT another nurse said it was too early even if I was 15dpo.

That afternoon my HCG was 448 ~ normal was about 100 -200 and right away the forum IVF veterans said? Twins

I can hardly remember what feelings and thoughts ran through my head that day ...I do know reading the stories of ICLW participants reminds me how fragile a time it can be.

I was a lost soul , lost in a dark pit of self pity looking for the light of hope.

I started to reach out and I found solace and solidarity in the arms of virtual strangers. Strangers who were the first to know I was pregnant.Weeks before my family or real life friends.

It reminds me of the people that supported me on my journey. I haven't forgotten them though our busy lives make connecting a little more difficult.

Kinship . Friends who helped me through the maze.

And if you ever feel lost as though in a maze again - you're not. For during
the day all the wonders of mother nature will keep you company to buffer you
from pain and loneliness.

Advice of the Day

1. Rejoice in the progress you have made each day ...each leg of the journey is important. Take it one day or step at a time.
2. Connect with others on the same path as you.
3. Keep a journal ... it is amazing to look back and remember how far you have come.

PS .. my sons really were that bald a year ago ...they didn't have their 1st haircut till after 2

♥

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