Wordless Wednesday ~ Just Harbour Cruisin'

Southern Swan -

Can you guess which boat we sailed on ?
 Which one would you like to cruise the harbour upon ?

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

  ♥

Love and hope in a Shoe box

Imagine a box filled with treasures beyond your wildest imaginations.
Imagine it bringing hope & a message of love from afar.

when a child opens a shoe box, they’re opening more than a present lovingly prepared just for them. They’re opening up their community to a world of life-changing opportunities.

Over the past week or so I've started  collecting things... we have our boxes ready to assemble and pack . We will choose gifts for boys in 5-9 yrs age. I'm going to do a girl 5-9 too for ~Charlotte~ and maybe a teenage boy.

We have made it a yearly tradition.


It's such a great and easy way to bring smiles to the many children out there that are not as privileged as our own or children in desperate situations . It also teaches my boys about the joy of giving and bringing happiness to others. The Drummer boys enjoy packing and selecting treasures (gifts).


There is 2.5 weeks until the boxes need to be handed in.

The instructions are simple

• SOMETHING TO LOVE
  Teddy bear, doll, soft toy, etc.
• SOMETHING FOR SCHOOL
  Exercise book, pencil case, pens, pencils, colouring pencils, sharpener, eraser, chalk, etc.
• SOMETHING TO WEAR
  T-shirt, shorts, underwear, cap, beanie, sandals, thongs, etc.
• SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH
  Tennis ball, cars, skipping rope, marbles, musical instrument, yo-yo, slinky, finger puppets, wind up torch, etc. (No battery operated items)*
• SOMETHING FOR PERSONAL HYGIENE
  Soap and face washer, toothbrush, hairbrush, comb, hair-clips, scrunchies, etc.(No toothpaste)*
• SOMETHING SPECIAL
  
  Carry bag, sunglasses, bangles, necklaces, craft kits, stickers, note or photo of yourself.

In 2011, teams in Australia and New Zealand delivered 290,437 gift-filled shoe boxes to South East Asia and the South Pacific. This year  the number of shoe boxes given by Australia and New Zealand will reach 3 million! Last year over 8 million children globally received shoe boxes and this season, the number of shoe boxes will reach 100 million given to children in 152 countries since 1993.

Even if you can't fill a box yourself, you can choose to adopt a box and just pay postage $9 for a box of gifts.

Whose life will your shoe box change this year?

Full details are here.

Visit The Operation Christmas Child website to find out more and to find out where to drop your shoeboxes call 1800 684 300. There are drop off points all over Australia. You can now follow your box to it's destination country.

Hurry the last day for Australia is 25th October.

♥

Life, interrupted again.

I know ...

It's been a challenging few weeks days.


I've had moments when I have felt so sad but had no-one to turn to. My resilience tank is running on empty.

Overwhelmed ! I can't say too much here.

My Life , a wild, scary roller-coaster ride ...not much coasting along, though lots of screams.

It is two weeks since my 2nd Chemo and I'm on the countdown to my 3rd cycle next Friday. Physically, I feel better and less weary.

I've got chemo brain memory loss, and now missed the same appointment twice with Speech therapist at Community Health Centre. I haven't the courage to call and apologise a 2nd time ...yet.

I'm not a hypochondriac but every twinge and little pimple or bump thing has me worried.

Now, I am bald, I feel very self conscious and uncomfortable in social situations ... kind of does my hair look alright - sans hair !

I'm nervous about driving and my confidence in everything is shaken. I can't really explain it.

I've yet to be fitted for proper breast prosthesis .The time is nie , now my scars are healing. A private fitting is being organised. I still don't know what clothes I can wear, when winter clothes won't hide cover me up. I threw out 4 bags of clothes the other day.

Yesterday, was the second time I've worn a bra (in over 9wks), with soft 'stuffing' ,because my friend encouraged me to go to the gym. It was good to get back into it but daunting.

I am still paranoid people are looking weirdly at me  giving me the once over, twice !! 

I found this post by SULEIKA JAOUAD ~ Six Ways to cope with Cancer very enlightening and helpful

This is not me but it is the same scarf

The bright spot that made me grateful this week was receiving a beautiful care package of some gorgeous headscarves from the sister of one of my readers, M. I'll tell you more about Lily in another post. Lily, also cheered me up when she called me too on the weekend.

this one too - http://www.amoena.com/us/Products/Scarves/Cotton/Anemone.htm

I still have to learn to tie the scarves, fashionably, and work around the interference with my BAHA hearing aid. The friction of the fabric covering it makes white noise or squeals but it isn't too unbearable once I get it positioned right.

I get 'sore' ears though from having my ears wrapped up/in...like when you've been too long on the phone.

Today, I am also reflecting on 8yrs ago when I was induced to give birth to my daughter, Charlotte, born still, the next day.

Grief ; it's so complex. I'm still trying to absorb it into my life . I know it has changed me as a person. Interrupted and changed my whole life in fact. My whole circle of friends. A new online community and some of whom became real life friends as dear as any I have known for years.


What do you know this week ?

Update - The Speech therapist called me , I'm so grateful she is very understanding ; )

♥

Thankful for Rahul and Divya

I know it isn't the done thing to toot your own horn but I will today because Eden - Edenland wants us to spread the word as far as we can ! Eden is in Niger with World Vision to raise awareness about the food crisis in Africa.

I have been a World Vision sponsor for over 24 yrs first it was one child, then in 2003 we got a second child.

Day to day, I don't think much about our World Vision children - sponsorship is debited automatically from our credit card.

We have had a few different children over the years. Divya  we have had for a long time, she is almost 12 (I think I feel terrible I don't know exactly)

In 2003 - we purposefully chose a boy the same age as our 11yr old son from Chile. Victor, was 6 wks younger . We wanted make connections with our boy and our sponsored child. So our son could understand his privileged life.

Victor grew too old or left the WV program in 2008 (our son is almost 19) and we chose another child - from South Africa ~ Ayanda was 5 days younger than my twins.

To be honest , I was considering canceling our second World Vision child sponsorship after they sent a letter saying Ayanda had left the program in 2011 and they were sending us a new sponsored child.

Till ..... I opened the letter and saw the birth date  - 1/9/03 - the same birthdate (though a year older)  as our stillborn daughter, Charlotte. Seriously !

I could not do it. Rahul was like a sign !

Read Eden's post , don't feel guilty about what you have but really think about how you could make a difference.

Raise awareness about this current crisis ~ Eden says 40, 000 children will die . I look at my children and I just cannot fathom the loss.

Donate a little or a lot - whatever you can give - will be contributing to the lives of children , families and communities

If you are able sponsor a child and create a huge impact in the life of a child.

My friend , her husband and 4 children went to Africa to visit their sponsored child - she can testify to the life changing impact.

I am thankful for everything we have, in abundance, for our health and that my children don't have to worry about hunger and malnutrition and the threat of disease and death from dirty water.

I am thankful for World Vision saving children , one at a time and thousands over the years.

I have pulled Rahul and Divya's pictures from my filing cabinet, to put on my fridge, to remind me ...we can make a difference one child at a time.

Follow Eden in Niger  #EdenInNiger hashtag on Twitter.


 ♥

The candle ~ Wave of light

Charlotte was cradled in my womb for six months, briefly in our arms and forever in our hearts. Here is her name in the sand ...I've come to WA to see this beach.

It is estimated 1 out every 4 Australian women has lost a baby at some stage; most of us know someone who has.

15th October seeks to honour these babies in a collaborative wave of light. As today is recognised as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  

I am quietly grateful for all the candles, though I rather there were less ...it means we are not alone ! 
I am grateful for remembrance !

Light a candle at 7pm for one hour to create a worldwide wave of light for 24hrs. 
Across the globe in all time zones - candles will burn brightly in memory of babies too precious for this earth.

" There is no greater tragedy in life than the loss of a child.Unfortunately, because our babies live only within our wombs or they live outside of the womb for a short period of time, an uneducated society often minimizes the importance of their short lives and, in turn, our grief is trivialized.” Clair Baca

How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

If you have lost a baby (or grand-baby or sibling) you are not alone. My heart goes out to anyone reading this today who has said goodbye to a precious baby all too soon.  

It is my sincere wish that those touched by the loss of a baby are well supported, able to process their loss and hopeful for the future...(not my words but heartfelt wish)

I am sorry for your loss. I know words cannot ease your pain nothing ever will but tonight at 7pm I will light a candle in memory of our babies. Please pass the message along , join in where ever you are.

A quiet moment for lighting a candle in memory of your baby . . .

"Dear baby of mine, please see this light as a symbol of our never-ending love for you. Please understand that this love knows no limits or bounds; it conquers even the hold of death. Let this light shine in memory of our love for you, in celebration of the life we shared together, however brief, and in the hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day. We feel your spirit with us even now, gently guiding and strengthening us. With this light we will remember the true gifts of the season: memories of joys past, hope for present peace and love to last a lifetime. We will forever feel your presence and love you always."

PILARI are asking people to sign their petition to have it fully recognised in Australia.

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Thankful for Heartfelt

Today I am thankful to be welcoming in Spring though it is always a day we will never forget.

Seven years ago , we said hello and goodbye ♥ to our daughter Charlotte Rose ♥ fly free little one.

Every whisper of a breeze, every butterfly I see, a kiss of sun on my face and the scent of the roses in our garden , reminds me ... not just today but always.

As time goes by, the tears may roll less often, but each 1 still feels the same, love mingled with loss ♥

I am thankful for the heartfelt messages I have received. I appreciate it more than I can say. I treasure each comment made and consider it a thoughtful act of friendship. I know that as time passes people forget and it hurts.

One of my regrets is that we have so few photos of Charlotte and even us with her. At the time we didn't think or never even considered photographic memories. The Midwife did take a few photos , blurry and grainy, none the less precious.


In recent years an organisation called Heartfelt , was born, after a family experienced the loss of their own child .  

Heartfelt is the giving of photographic memories.

Heartfelt is a volunteer organisation of professional photographers from all over Australia dedicated to giving the gift of photographic memories to families that have experienced stillbirths, premature and ill infants and children in the Neonatal Intensive Care Units of their local hospitals, as well as children with serious and terminal illnesses. 

 

Heartfelt is dedicated to providing this gift to families in a caring, compassionate manner.

All services are provided free of charge.

To contact a heartfelt photographer 1800 583 768

You might also care to read this story by Fi @ Lumsdaine Photography and read Kristie's letter about her recent experience with Heartfelt and her son ~Avery ~, and on her blog too , read her posts here 1 , 2 & 3

You can Like Heartfelt on Facebook.

I sincerely hope you never need the services of HEARTFELT.
I am telling you because just in case someone you know does - please tell them about HEARTFELT.

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De - Stressing in the Garden

One of my favourite ways to de-stress is to get into the garden. It is of the best ways I know of reducing my stress ( discounting the thorns on my rose bushes which has me muttering and 'ouch'ing a few choice words out loud) .

Is there a better way to celebrate the arrival of Spring ?

Aug 30th 5.30pm

Love our garden seat -we are taking it.

Mia using my  foam Herb box for scratching post.

I didn't take this pic of our Backyard - taken in May

With the weather warming up over the last two weeks, it meant we have been able to get a lot done in Charlotte's garden and the backyard garden. I have taken cuttings of all our roses, pruned and tidied it all up. It looks very bare now. I'm only planting herbs at the moment so no vegies except maybe tomatoes if I can find someone to water them.

Whether you love tending roses, native shrubs, caring for your lawn or pot plants , or even just pulling out a few weeds it burns a few calories too. Gardening for me works off stress and brings  a little peace to our hectic lifestyle and more important the results are pleasing to the eye.
 
The wattle at the farm is blooming already (but going) and I have to think about our garden plans there.

My favourite garden magazine is ABC Gardening Australia magazine. I have stacks of back issues I keep stashed away (a lot were given to us).

I received a copy of September issue of  ABC Gardening Australia magazine in the mail yesterday. 

GARDENING AUSTRALIA magazine is born from the TV show, is the bible for novice gardeners and green thumbs, and is Australia's leading gardening title.)  This issue has so many ideas for me to start rolling up my sleeves , donning my gloves and pulling on my work boots.

I was excited to see there is an article about transplanting and moving an entire garden.

TRANSPLANTING A GARDEN
Imagine moving home and taking your entire garden with you, roots and all. 

Credit -click this link to see the issue

Also, in September, I like these green ideas  -

Gardening Australia explores the changes readers are making to reduce waste within their homes, with simple (and economical) ideas such as:

• Nude Food - When shopping, choose low or no packaging and take your own bags (Nude food, was a term used by a 7 year old boy who wrote in, quite catchy!);
  

•  Boxed Goodies – use empty cardboard food boxes to place vegie peelings and worm scraps in each day, then put the whole page into the worm bin- the worms eat the scraps and the box so there is no emptying and washing of buckets.
  

Out now , the September issue of ABC Gardening Australia magazine is available from ABC Shops, newsagencies, supermarkets or by subscription.
A perfect Father's day idea as subscriptions are 40% until 17/9 ~$47
Subscribe today on 1300 656 933 or see the website http://www.gardeningaustralia.com.au/
for more information too.

I received a complimentary September copy only.
I chose to write this post myself because I enjoy the magazine.


♥ Never miss a post

How to help when a Baby dies ?

Firstly, I personally don’t know anyone who is entirely comfortable talking to the bereaved after the death of a loved one.Let alone, when it is a family or friend's precious baby who has passed away before birth , during birth or soon after.

I know ... losing a baby at any time is one of the most devastating experiences that any family can experience. Whether 12 weeks , 26weeks or a full-term baby, it's beyond tragic .

I know we had already prepared a lifelong place for ~Charlotte~  in our family before we met her. All parents have hopes and dreams for their baby and beyond.

There are no easy answers when a baby dies and your whole world is shattered.

As family or a caring friend, you might ask

"What do I say?"

"What can I do?"

The grief journey is very painful one for a baby’s parents. Nothing prepares parents for the separation from their baby.

I know we travel to a place not on any map and we don't know when we will arrive or leave. It's a place we have never been to (hopefully) and everyone has a different experience. 

Bereaved parents will need the support of their loved ones now more than ever before but seldom will they ask... for anything

So how can you help? here are a few things you might to consider from my personal experience.

1. Use the Baby's name if named ...do not keep saying " The Baby   ". You can help bereaved parents by listening to them to talk about their loss, if they want and you feel able to listen. Ask them gently if they want to talk about {insert Baby's name}.Don’t try to protect them from their grief – help them face it and if you need to cry, do it. If they cry, silence is ok while they cry ; put a hand on them gently, hug them (if appropriate), pass the tissues, or if you feel too uncomfortable say "I'll put the kettle on to let you have a few minutes (?)." Respect their rights to express whatever they feel or think - regardless of how strange it may seem to you if they seem angry or calm or whatever.
2. Bring them a meal *or simple groceries to cook (they may be too distracted to cook ).Offer to help with their house cleaning or offer to mind or occupy their other children , it will be appreciated even if they say   "NO thank you  ". Even offering to read their surviving child a story or play with them in their own home while they rest or take care of the cleaning *.
3.  Phone, visit or send a card : if you don't know what to say a simple message, We love you and we are thinking of  you and baby {insert name if known} today. Especially remember the DUE DATE if the baby died in utero or was born alive early (before the due date). Even an email is some comfort especially if you don't know them too well, for example online or a co worker and don't have a physical address. (There is always Google to help with kindly worded sentiments)
4. A gift is not necessary; some like to give flowers or a plant: nurturing a living thing can be very comforting for grieving. We were given roses for a memorial garden. A trinket , figurine, ornament or piece of jewelry etc may be chosen by family or a close friend especially, if it is something they know symbolises the baby ~ a Butterfly , an Angel or anything really.
5. A sense of normalcy is very therapeutic for healing.It's okay to laugh and tell talk about other things, even your own children and theirs. We know life goes on, it just that ours has changed forever.
6. If someone you know has experienced pregnancy or infant loss and is past the intense grief stage of their own loss, ask them if you can give their phone number or email to the newly bereaved parents. A note in a card is okay. Talking to someone who has been through a similar loss , not necessarily a professional counsellor ,can help to take the isolation out of grief and spare a spouse for a while. (Hospitals usually give plenty of bereavement literature to parents or there is so much available online now)

What not to say ?

1. When a baby is lost families [and others] often have a desperate need to know why their baby died but now is not the time to ask...what happened .They probably won't know themselves.You can ask What did {baby's name} weigh and how long was {baby's name}?" etc
2. Don't encourage them to be strong ...or say how well they are coping or ... "Don't be sad. Don't cry  " -    "It will be ok   " -   " It's for the best  "  (e.g.when you know it is genetic) 
3.  Appreciate that they miss this baby, who can never be replaced by another child. If a twin is lost never say 'At least you still have one baby'.
4. Understand they may not want to know who is newly pregnant or newly delivered in your social circle. It's difficult if you were part of an anti-natal parents group ...be sensitive when sharing such news in the early days.
5. Don't compare their loss to losing your pet or say this happened to someone you know and it was caused by ..... because they did .....
6. Remember, too that most people don't say too many insensitive or wrong things [common sense aside]. Above all you are caring enough to talk to them ! Ignoring their loss is far more insensitive.Your friend or loved one is very lucky to have you in their life.

This week I have read several stories about infant and pregnancy loss. It always breaks my heart. I am writing this in response, to maybe help someone help.I hope it makes sense.

I really don't mind being reminded at how fragile life is .Today my heart goes out to anyone reading this who has said goodbye to their precious baby, all too soon .

Kristie said a final goodbye to Avery yesterday ... her son, Avery a beautiful boy born sleeping a week ago.

"Dear Avery, please see this light as a symbol of the

 never-ending love for you. Please understand that this love knows no limits or bounds; it conquers even the hold of death. Let this light shine in memory of the love for you, in celebration of the life you shared together, however brief, and in the hope that tomorrow will be a brighter day. 

May they feel your spirit with them even now, gently guiding and strengthening them. With this light they will remember your true gifts : memories of joys past, hope for present peace and love to last a lifetime. May they forever feel your presence and love you always."

Hope is like the sun,which, as we journey toward it ,casts the shadow of burden behind us.

It's my sincere wish that those touched by the loss of a baby are well supported, able to process their loss and hopeful for the future...(not my words but heartfelt wish)

There is so much more I could write including about 'including siblings'...another day .
Edited to add a link to Martine @ The Modern Parent's posts on Grief : Helping Children Grieve

Please note *Gifts of meals ~ can in itself be overwhelming if they get too many meals all at once and no way to store them all... check if anyone can be responsible to organize a list of friends to alternate duties such as meals and visits to help.
 

(In our church they did this for one family via an organised roster initially while the baby was having surgery for her heart and then after she passed away)
Please share your own experiences and any other advice that helped you or your family or friends.

Linking up with Shae about Things I know ...but sincerely wish I didn't today.

Edited to add this further to precious Avery's story and HeartFelt
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Things I know

Lifted this from Whoa Mummy

I know that with the explosion of bloggers , who subsequently join twitter, start Face book fan pages and even Instagram and Pin interest [I am still going to join pin interest - just been a bit busy I tell you] 'there' is only so far we can spread ourselves and still be a good enough mum and wife. I know I have been very slack at both lately.

I know it's getting harder to connect more personally with all the lovely blogging ladies in the community due to TIME.

I know I dreadfully miss some good friends who rarely email me anymore. I  know they are just busy or at least I hope it's not me. I get it. I am busy too I know. Sorry to anyone I haven't emailed and should !

I know that some new followers don't know much about me...

Just this week someone said they didn't know my twin boys were IVF miracles babies.

Someone else this week didn't know my just turned 18yr son was adopted - @13 months old actually. He wasn't the first baby his birth mother had relinguished for adoption or to permanent custody of birth fathers/partners. I know one day if they ever have a family reunion it will be HUGE -just sayin'. 

Someone else didn't know I lost my firstborn baby, Charlotte , almost 7 years ago. After 12 yrs infertility she was our naturally conceived miracle. I was 6 months pregnant when our world shattered. There was no reason found for her 'demise'. Red Nose day always makes me feel tremendous sadness for all families remembering their little angels.

Someone else recently didn't know my husband was diagnosed with cancer (just over 12 months ago).  It was a rare malignant tumour in the temporal muscle on right side of his head. So far so good after surgery to remove the tumour ; he had 6 weeks radiation therapy -12 months ago now. He still has frequent headaches and dizziness so his oncologist referred him to a  neurologist. I know we live with both hope and fear always. Every time he feels unwell hideous thoughts flood my head and heart.  

So you know what I mean when I say the best news I've read this week was that Dave's @ Eden's hubby cancer hasn't come back. Eden is an amazing writer go read their story and celebrate.

Now is there anything else you want to know about me ?  

I am happy to answer questions in a new blog post (one day) !

What do you know this week ?
I know Shae wants to crack 20 links this week - surely we all know something ! I am #14
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How to be happy ~ If only

My roses make me happy, intrinsically tying me to my happy place. 

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”  Mercedes Lackey

Though mingled with the salty tears of grief and loss , I love my garden.

One of my favourite things raindrops on roses ;)

Regrets.

I've had a few.

Well more than a few, truth be told.

My biggest 'recent' regret about our tree change is leaving Charlotte's garden, her roses .

So many memories are planted here.

The house we bought for our baby who never got to live here, except in our hopes and dreams and then in our hearts.

The roses were given to us at her funeral.

Her funeral being the same day we officially became the owners of the house [along with the mortgage].

That is the way it rolled. 

It happened just like that.

We came for a brief final inspection before settlement. 

On our way to bury our firstborn, a baby girl, stillborn 6 days prior.

The agent was gentle. He said he was sorry for our loss. Then he told us his own newborn daughter had passed way from meningitis aged just 18days old (2 yrs before). He offered his & his wife's phone number.{It's another story but I met her down the track. Then, he died tragically 2 years ago}

Things weren't right. We couldn't delay settlement without monetary penalty, though we had good reasons too, besides a funeral.

It was the first day my Dad could be discharged from hospital [He was receiving treatment for leukemia].

I hadn't seen my Dad, since before Charlotte was born, till we got there [crematorium]

I sobbed into his arms, as he cried too, in the crematorium gardens.

Charlotte's garden became our happy place.

We turned the soil, measured out and laid the garden edging, constructed the wishing well and planted her roses. 

Watching them bloom seemed to take the raw edges off our grief.

Her roses have given immense pleasure ~ to admire the colours , touch {sans ouchy thorns} and most of all the fragrant blooms.

They're colourful, we have every colour, yellows, orange, pinks, mauve, red and white.

Month after month, year after year . They bloom almost all year , save for when we give them a good winter prune.

   

The smell of one red rose can fill our house.

In a small way, a measure of Her presence

We have transplanted three roses - "Charlotte" and the "Charlotte" standard and "Mother's Love" into half wine-tubs & a pot. We will take cuttings of all the others and hope they strike. The Children's rose bush is almost taller than the house.

Her garden is in our little courtyard, private and quiet. 

We will no doubt re-create a measure of it.

Many times over I have found the following true. 

If ever you're feeling depressed and a bit frustrated on a cold winter day, get out into the garden and start pruning the roses. Honestly, you'll feel so much better.Peter Cundell

Any season being in the garden is therapeutic.

Even when we are busy and neglect the roses or forget to water them , they continue to bloom.

The constant rain of the last few days knocked them about and spoiled the blooms on the bushes , but in a few days I hope they will be flush with new blooms before I prune. We have bugs galore and black spot too (The photos are straight out of my camera - no photo-shopping you just can't see it).

I took these photos today. Roses and any flowers make me happy.

Naomi @Seven cherubs is posting 30 days of happiness. She wrote about flowers today too and leaving the past behind yesterday.  

She inspired me to write about my flowers too.

I can't promise I'll commit to 30 days , I'll just pop a post in here and there.

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