Assvice on marriage and stuff.

No, it's not a typo.

I don't want to give any illusion that we have a perfect marriage ...some days far from it. We have had struggles & strife in our relationship.

Words cannot describe the gratefulness, that my husband has stood by with me through good, bad , beautiful , in sunshine, in rain and through all mannner of storms.

Life having thrown us what we least expected but we survived by the grace of God. The last four years especially.

Often, I think of all we have been through together, the brilliant and not so. My son and his fiance are now standing on the same threshold as we were 27yrs ago as they prepare for their wedding in 7 months.

There is so much assvice on the dress, the flowers, the ceremony, the pictures, the cake and chosing a honeymoon destination . There's not as much on how to get back on your feet when the metephorical rug has been pulled from underneath you.

Sadly, it's too easy to run away.

Or how your marriage can struggle to survive infertility, stillbirth , unwanted advice from 'outsiders', parenting teenagers and toddlers (simultaneously) and serious illness like cancer (not once but 3-4 times) for example.

Some days you walk blindly through, hoping none of the hurdles trip and overwhelm you completely .
When paddling up $#!+ creek you just pray you don't fall in and /or drown . For God sake don't breath then ...though it's hard to keep breathing on the average days too.

I still don't have the answers... Love with all your heart , nothing is black and white.

Laughter really is good for you too, it's more than just an enjoyable activity, it is very beneficial to the body and mind. It doesn't cost a cent and it is highly contagious.

Laughter lowers blood pressure, activates the immune system, triggers the release of endorphins (the body’s natural painkillers), reduces stress hormones, helps reduce pain, allows muscles to relax and is helpful for breathing as frequent laughter empties the air of lungs.

This gem was found at the bottom of the a page under a 'recipe'. I think it is worth sharing! Enjoy










...but he is very fond of Chocolate .


Final words of assvice.

1. It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan. 
2. A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do ... I don't mean breaking the rules LOL - I mean proving someone wrong !
3. Say Thank you & please a lot ...and your children will too hopefully !
4. There is no right way to do the wrong thing.
5. Well done is better than well said.
6. Be the first to say Hello or smile too !
7. Use the good silver and dinner set ...tomorrow is not promised and why not ?
8. The more you say , the less people will remember.
   
   

PS: Got any advice for what the Mother of the Groom should wear ?


This week’s prompt for #imustconfess was “the best advice you’ve ever received.”

It's Jess's birthday today.

 ♥

Silver Anniversary

At 10.30 we will cross that 'threshold' metaphorically to our silver anniversary.

The years fly. I can barely remember this time 25 yrs ago.

The future was before us, a blank slate, waiting to be filled with shared dreams and adventures.A future that was filled with all the hope and promise two young twenty-somethings with the world at their feet could ever imagine.

When I think of all we have been through together, the brilliant and not so. Life has sometimes thrown us what we least expected but we survived by the grace of God..

Hard times can rock the boat , sink the love.We have certainly had our share of hard times...so the kayaks were a great gift - staying afloat through whatever came our way. We've endured many obstacles and and been through storms of infertility, loss of our daughter and both had cancer.

It's hard to believe that 25 years have gone by since we stood together and our marriage vows were first spoken...how did we get this old ?

I had the crop the ugly concrete out. The wedding album is somewhere.

 
We have survived owner building a home , living in a caravan (x 3), renovations and running our own business and working together for 19 years.We also suffered the loss of our daughter born still.

The strength to stay together in the face of these trials has truly been a gift from God; our faith has held us up tremendously.I give thanks to God.

There are no secrets I can share, no recipes for love , no magic formula for why our relationship has out lasted many others. I don’t think my hubby and I are any better at this spouse/husband/wife gig than others around us.

I can't begin to know or understand what other peoples reasons were, but I’ve no doubt they were good enough reasons. Sometimes there isn't even 'reason' enough. Not for a minute do I consider or judge couples that divorce; that didn’t try hard enough to make it work, or love each other enough, or any other 'enoughs'.

For many people divorce is not the first line of defense. It can happen sometimes when one person is least expecting it. I know that even when a marriage is suffering or plain bad , deciding to end it is painful.

Love is an act of the will, and can be expressed in various degrees. It isn't always truly, madly deeply.
I hope that we have a respite from the struggles and can pause a moment , to just reflect and recognize all that we do have and enjoy it simply for what it is, without thinking about what it is not.

I feel blessed to have found someone I can live with in relative happiness and who can say the same about me or perhaps we just put up with each other faults & all.

Really I wonder if we’ve just been lucky... meeting as we did on a blind date via the radio (pre internet).

I shouldn’t ever take for granted what I have and to always put an effort into showing my long suffering dear husband that I appreciate him. Like many others I can be difficult to live with sometimes...

9125 days

219,000 hours

hundreds of second chances !

 ♥

Cupcake lady runs and a good news update !

Slowly. 

eat chocolate ...drink wine ... truth !

 
I finished my second - half marathon on Sunday ; Dubbo Stampede . The Zebra Zoom started inside the Taronga Western Plains Zoo before we exited the zoo main gates into 'the wild'.

We ran along Obley Road , then ran a complete loop of the picturesque Macquarie river circuit before re-entering the zoo. Then it got 'hard' and was warming up, as we had to run a complete loop of the zoo, past all the animals to finish at our starting point.
 
After an easy Father's day lunch with my boys at the Zoo cafe I went home to hit the wall.

Rather the bed , since the hammock though inviting - outside , was too breezy . So I slipped under the covers for a Sudoku . Then slept or rested for the next 2-3hrs.

Exhausted and happy because I’d had my doubts I would even make the start. The plantar fasciitis in my right foot was bothersome and so was a niggly and painful right hip. Consequently, I didn’t run much in the preceding 10 days leading up to the marathon.

I rode the stationary bike and used the rowing machine to stay fit. Sunday morning as I laced up, I dosed up on pain killers.

Fortunately, barely a km out from the start I fell into pace with a lady sporting a Running Mums Australia shirt. We said "Hi" and then she mentioned she was running with an injury too - shin splints.

So it was ; we ran the whole way together and high fived as we crossed the finish line simultaneously.

It wasn’t as fast as I would have liked or a PB , being the best wasn’t what it was about – rather doing my best. It was another milestone after my surgery and radiation (which finished barely 3 months ago) .

I knew that if I’d done all I could, prepared well, trained well and fought well – the result didn’t matter – it was 2:30:19 (19 pesky seconds) officially though my Garmin has me under 2:29 because I paused it at a few drink stations...especially the one my hub and 2 sons were manning, as I gobbled a few chocolate jelly beans down and took a breathe to say Hello for 30secs.

 My new running buddy and I appreciated the company as we ran, we were almost the same age. We kept each other going.

The best thing about running in a local ½ marathon was I had a fan club all the way along the 21.1km :  a parent of my son’s friend and with trumpet fan fare, lady from P & C singing my name across the street, two Dragon boat paddlers walking  the river, people from Church (on the race committee) , other half runners from Women’s running group, a teacher from school and a lady I met duration Radiation.

Monday I could barely walk and I hobbled everywhere. The railway station stairs were a killer – worst going down.

Today , I was a feeling a bit better. I know I can't complain it's self inflicted torture wounds , all for the love of wine, chocolate and cupcakes.

The best part of today was meeting up with my brave, inspiring friend Stephanie for coffee and a chat.

Then I had my follow up appointment with my oncology surgeon (Breast and Sarcoma) in Sydney. My Oncology surgeon , Assoc. Prof was quite impressed I’d run a ½ marathon on Sunday, he even wrote in his/my notes.

I still have some sensory nerve deficits down my lower left leg /knee and my left foot sometimes catches (makes me trip over air). He was pleased that nerves to muscles were all intact and my femoral artery was not affected by radiation. Everything is stable and other then my anti- hormone medication , I don't require any other treatment at the moment. Breast (less) wise - all is good too.

I’m staying on Tamoxifen (one type of anti- Oestrogen medication) till next March at least [The total Anti -hormone Course is 10yrs] and review a change then. Each medication has different side effects and since my body is tolerating Tamoxifen well – there is no reason to change and throw a spanner in (like increased joint pain, other mood and sh*ttier side effects)

In the worst of Sydney traffic, I managed to navigate back to Mum's - in the oven was her famous baked dinner. My brother complained Mum rarely cooks like that for them. My Mum is so awesome.
 
I walked 3.5km with my brother , his family, and their dog C Bear - walking is fine just moving after sitting, transitioning from sit to stand and stairs give me grief.  I also rolled my ankle tripping on the uneven road verge in the dark  ...now add sore ankle to my list of woe. I'll live.


Now, pass me a cupcake or two. Tomorrow , I'm back on my healthy eating plan.
 

here

Linking up with Jess #IBOT
Flogging by Blog With Some Grace
♥

Serendipity becomes Zemblanity and an Update.

Firstly, HOORAY ! I just finished my last #30 radiation treatment to my left thigh.

I'm so thankful for this chapter to be over.


Thankful, to be going home (tomorrow night) to my cherubs.

OMG , they turn 8 in 3 wks

 Thankful , my DH arrives tonight to comfort and calm stay with me, then drive me to Westmead tomorrow for the Pet Scan.

Thankful, though my inner thigh is red and slightly sore - The Prof said it looks good.  
While some days it feels like life is spiraling out of control , I long for days when something GOOD happens so that I can take a step back and see things more clearly.

As much as it is a cause for celebration , tomorrow is my Pet Scan.
I'm also feeling gutted for a friend. 

Though grateful that I will be followed up , to pick up recurrence of disease while it is still treatable ; if not curable. My life , forever after marked with medical events on the calendar. 

No path is so clear, No step is so easy

In certain cancers patients are left to determine a follow up schedule for scans (or none till they have symptoms) in agreement with their oncologists /medical team.  There is no denying it ; we are always cognizant of the long-term risk for relapse with any cancer vs the risks and benefits of frequent scanning. 

William Boyd coined the term zemblanity to mean somewhat the opposite of serendipity: "making unhappy, unlucky and expected discoveries occurring by design". A zemblanity is, effectively, an "unpleasant unsurprise".wikipedia

Oh my friend ...I didn't see that coming.

Yesterday, the Radiation team called me to have my radiation treatment 2hrs earlier (they were ahead of schedule). I finished and exited the side door , got to the end of the pathway and realised I forgot to stay for my appointment with the Professor (Radiation Oncologist).

I went back in the front entrance to Radiology and saw my friend , with her friend. (My friend who was diagnosed 2.5 yrs ago with Breast Cancer). Immediately, I noticed her red rimmed eyes and tear stained face. I inquired about her elderly mother who I knew had also been recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer ...my heart sunk as she shook her head.

Unable to speak , she motioned for her friend to explain. After an MRI on a painful hip - the report was concerning , possibly her cancer has metastasized to her hip. She waits,  for more scans tomorrow, then to see the Prof. 

If it is what it is ... we both know it's a tough journey again.

If I hadn't have been called in early or even if I hadn't forgotten my appointment, I wouldn't had seen my friend ; no knowledge of the storm in her midst . The silver lining is , now, I can support her, as much as I'm able.

Negative thinking is unfortunately always a part of life after cancer , even when we go about it without thinking too much about it.

Before we know it , the next appointment or scan is here or we have a new symptom.

Scanxiety !

Even when or if we think we have nothing to worry about. 

It nibbles at the edge of our fingernails.

New symptoms are generally taken seriously in cancer patients even several years out from diagnosis.

Mind games ; I don't want to talk about. 

So overwhelmed by challenges, the bumpy road we have to travel - a cr@ptastic detour. We do our best to carry on normally. There are miles to go before we can feel reassured... there is no way out but through.

We each hold all the moments of our life in our grasp and what we make it of determines who we are. Every day we hold opportunity or excuses.  

So much I want to scream & shout ; really what is the point... A tumble of feelings that pile up.

Too many feelings to mention, plus there is a  caged high fenced off building 100m away. 

All joked aside. I feel like I am crumbling , the scanxiety is overwhelming for both my Friend and I, no doubt our spouses. I remind myself - 

He does not lead me year by year,
Nor even day by day;
But step by step my path unfolds,
My Lord directs my way.
 

Tomorrow’s plans I do not know;
I only know this minute.
But he will say, “This is the way,
By faith now walk ye in it.”

And I am glad that it is so,
Today’s enough to bear;
And when tomorrow comes, his grace
Shall far exceed its care.

What need to worry then, or fret'
The God who gave his Son
Holds all my moments in his hand
And gives them one by one.
Source unknown

Even if I knew that tomorrow* the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.   I saw this somewhere yesterday on Facebook !

 May we all be strong, courageous and kind to each other xxx

PS - My husband & I will celebrate quietly over dinner date tonight.

*I won't get any results till Tuesday

 Tell me something good or happy you have experienced this week ?

♥

The Wonder years

As in ...

I wonder where I put my car keys ?
I wonder if I took my pills ?
I wonder why I came into this room ?
I wonder when my Dr's appointment is ?
I wonder where I put my glasses ?
I wonder why I said that ?

I wonder if I paid the power bill ?
I wonder why it is so hot in here ?
5 mins later ...I wonder why it's so cold in here ?
I wonder why my jeans have shrunk ?
I wonder what the speed limit is ?
I wonder if that police officer was looking at me ?

I wonder why my days are swallowed up at a time (all this wondering for a start)?
I wonder why I put that or this there ?
I wonder why the 'things' that I am wondering where I put them, are found only the day after I needed them or 10 mins after I buy a new one ?
I wonder if I replied to that email ?
I wonder if I locked the door ?
I wonder if I turned the iron off ?

I wonder why weight loss doesn’t have to involve countless hours sweating the kilojoules off ?
I wonder if half an hour of kissing can really help you burn in excess of 126 kilojoules ?
Great , so I wonder if to lose 1 kg of body fat in a week and you need to burn an additional 37,000 kJ, ..do the maths how long do you have to kiss to lose a few kilos?
I wonder if this gets you both in the mood - could you could boost your kilojoule burn with extra physical activity in the bedroom ? # see below
I wondered enough so I goggled it and a 30 minute sex session could account for around 600 kilojoules.
I wonder why everything hurts ?

I wonder what this is growing in my Tupperware container ?
I wonder why I can't follow the google maps unless it is the right way up ?
I wonder why everyone asks me where I put their "thingos" ?
I wonder how I spell that word ?
I wonder why things are so unfair sometimes ?
I wonder why I can't make my mind up ?

I wonder if I should buy that ?
I wonder if I should have dessert ?

Oh well YES is always the answer to those last two ...

I am learning to embrace the wonder years .

Haha Edited to add - because I really was wondering this recently too but I forgot I had even wondered it, to mention it - I wonder why so many of us sign off SMS/text and email messages sent to random people and URL friends and people we haven’t met yet with X & O's as in xoxoxox - read this funny post on has the online cup of affection runneth over.

What do you wonder ?
xoxoxo

Linking up with Grace - FYBF.

PPS: LOL - I just told my husband about the bedroom activity - he said I wonder how they test these things out ...

 ♥