Today - the wall !

I know I don't have to be cheerful and positive all the time.
Honestly, it's really sucking at the moment.

Today is 5 weeks since I saw my GP about my suspicious symptoms.
Today is 4 weeks since I had my mammogram and U/S - when I knew positively that the news would not be good.

The staff were too nice, too apologetic and over explaining the need for extra images, different position and long time waiting for the Dr to review them -in case I needed more. Explaining gently - I may get called back for a biopsy ...telling me not to worry it is normal ...Well - no I didn't doubt for a minute it was !

Today is 3 weeks since a double mastectomy and axillary (armpit lymph nodes) clearance (Left). I still have my drain three weeks post op. It is annoying and painful at times mostly just uncomfortable ; finally bearable enough not to need as much pain relief. I've swallowed a gutful.

Today is 2 weeks since I cut my hair quite short. I am okay with that and the prospect of going bald I've yet to get my head around ...pun not really intended.

Today, I had a port a cath implanted, beneath the skin in my chest wall and below my right collarbone - which is the start of phase two in the breast cancer marathon . It is going to provide long term intravenous access for the chemotherapy and much longer targeted therapy. It is the right my choice but it hurts.

Later, in between infusions I hopefully won't know the port a cath is there, except for a raised bump.

The local anaesthetic has worn off - the pain, right now, is far worse than I expected. In both my neck and upper chest - they cut , poked , prodded it into position - it will ease up in time. Woe is me.

On a scale of 1to10 - maybe 8-9 . I am so glad I still have the oral Endone to give me some relief. It really hasn't eased it completely. I am trying to distract myself.

Sometimes I feel ok , others not - about this major interruption to our life. I look down where my breasts used to be and I honestly can't remember what they looked like ...well I barely managed a B cup. I don't feel too affected by this itty bitty bit.

Tomorrow, is the BIG day when I meet the Medical oncologist at the Cancer care centre - find out when I start chemotherapy , the details and the long list of side effects  that already terrify me and the big picture. It seems crazy to say I'm both looking forward to it and wishing it NEVER comes.


It will bring a sense of order and maybe control but today is not a good day.

I found out recently another mum from our former playgroup , a similar age to me, was diagnosed with Breast cancer a month prior to me. She has just started Chemo (1st dose) and is having a rough time.

Yesterday, at a 6th birthday party - other former playgroup friends in common , commented how odd is was that there were 2 of us in a group of maybe 20. It really isn't that odd because 1 in 8 will be diagnosed with Breast cancer.

Someone else, close to me, told they think her mother has breast cancer . Her mother lives 4000Km+ away. Tomorrow - her mother will find out more exactly the details. My eyes started to tear up upon hearing this news too.

Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a better one.
♥

52 blessings to be grateful for on Friday

Thanks to Kate @ Picklebums for another edition of 52 blessings to be grateful for on Friday

Incredible, yes ! Another week gone in the blink of an eye. A very historic week in Australia when the Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, of Australia said 'Sorry' to the Stolen Generations... and apologised for the injustices committed against the Indigenous Australians ~ Aboriginals.

A lot of Aussie Bloggers wrote excellent articles on "Sorry" and I am grateful that they did. They wrote from many perspectives -not everyone agreed. I was going to link a few but I didn't want to miss anyone unintentionally so I if you want to read -go to top Australian 100 Womens Button and you will be sure to find several.They covered it from many aspects.

The thing that I can relate to the most is the grief of the mothers' whose children were taken away by force and never saw them again or knew what happened to them. I heard some infants were even taken away at birth. I know what it is like to lose a child but I knew where my daughter was. Those families did not. I cannot imagine it...how those mothers coped.

I hope one of the most positive things that 'Sorry' achieves is reconciliation for the Indigenous people and that the serious issue of child & infant mortality is addressed. The rate of infant death is 4 times higher in indigenous community than rest of Australia - that alone is far too many babies.

I am also grateful this week

♥ for my husband and 18yrs of marriage our anniversary was last Sunday
♥ his strength and his commitment to our children and myself
♥ his love for us all
♥ his culinary skills (his cooked dinner for our Anniversary)

this is the only picture I ever scanned but I will add some better ones now we got a new scanner yesterday

I

Prawns & Bacon with sweet chilli on bed of Jasmine Rice

Chicken Kiev with fresh vegetables

Dessert (no picture) it was gone too quickly~ fresh strawberries &
icecream drizzled with chocolate and whipped cream.

I have so many things to be grateful for, especially for my online friends and all the beautiful people who commented on Charlotte's story.I thank you.I am sorry I have had a busy week and I am still replying to a few people.

I am very grateful for the chance to visit Tiff .We met via an online forum 3 years ago after we lost our babies. It was almost 2 years ago we met in real life at the Christening of her twin son and daughter when they were wee babies and S & J were tiny, little buns in the oven.

We had a lovely day together this week - we live about over 2 hrs (~170kms) apart so it doesn't happen as often as we would like.

Your turn ... what are you grateful for ? join us in grateful Friday (Kate is working on a Mr Linky but her DH and children have been very sick this week)

Also , have you met someone in real life after meeting them online ? a spouse or dear friend ?

My sister met her DH online and another online friend (that I am waiting to meet soon Mel) did too - he was all the way from USA.

Thursday Thirteen # 9 - Things I learned in Kindergarten

I saw this somewhere and I admit I borrowed the idea - isn't it amazing when we consider that most of the things that we do (or should do) as adults today are the things that we learned as children in kindergarten.

1. take turns and wait your turn with out grumbling (remember when others have to wait for you)
2. share everything (~ offer them the first choice or the biggest piece)
3. say sorry when you hurt somebody even if it was an accident - say it like you mean it
   
4. say sorry when you make a mistake (admit it)
   
5. keep your hands to yourself (don’t hit anyone ~hmm not sure about turning the other cheek)
6. put things back where you found them and clean up your own mess
7. don’t take things that aren’t yours and/or ask before you do
8. always play fair ~no cheating
9. flush after you go (unless it middle of the night or water restrictions)
10. warm milk and cookies are good for you (or cold milk in summer) {~ memo to Santa ask him how he likes his milk}
11. beware of strangers (as adults - maybe strangers phishing for bank or identity details)
    
12. always wash your hands before eating and after playing with the dog (or cat)
13. live a balanced life ~ love, learn, play, enjoy, sing & dance (~ like no-one is watching)
    
14. and most of all when you go out in that big wide playground of life , make sure someone’s holding your hand… or that you are holding theirs tightly !

thursday thirteen