Thankful for Choices and warm hugs

I've noticed a lot of people are struggling right now physically and emotionally with their purpose in life, self esteem ~ regarding weight and health issues, relationships and even their blogs.

Some days the sheer weight of the number of choices before us exhausts us .With to do lists as long as {insert your own} -the Harbour Bridge- is it any wonder we give ourselves a hard time.

My mind is buzzing with all the things I have (yes really need) to organise , people to see or annoy or email , or wrangling the kids and school stuff -  that I can't engage the present except for intently checking Facebook updates and emails.

We are burdened with such high expectations that we feel unfulfilled and frustrated.

I find it personally hard to silence my inner critic, to quiet the noise in my head and just go with the flow. If I can't keep up I feel a failure.

I worry about the future and our plans for it , I worry about things that may never happen and I forget to live in the moment.

I ask myself how do I find a balance ?

I know having less choices would be easier but putting things in perspective I have a rich life. Sure I have past regrets about bad choices and bad experiences and I can't change these.

“There are 86,400 seconds in a day. It's up to you to decide what to do with them.”
― Jim Valvano

I'm  still letting go of ~ the preconceived ideas about how things are meant to be; the things I can't change and  bridges I don't have to cross. 


I can make better choices ...

I'll focus on practical steps to stay as organised as I can be (plenty of blogs to help me there) ...

I'll focus on my running , getting fitter and stronger...step by step.

I'll find a sense of purpose by engaging in activities or creative pursuits that interest or inspire me...crochet a granny square or make a quilt ...some day.

I'll connect with like minded people and I'll breath deeply .If things don't go my way I try again .. tomorrow or the next or reassess plan B.

I'm making a start today !

Right now I am thankful for the warm hugs of my cherubs, though I have to ask them to not touch my face - because they have 'boy germs' a hacking cough and the green curtains are down in Tissue town.

We have all been unwell this week and they are home from school again today. My husband has also been away for work. It's tough solo parenting and my admiration for single parents is beyond measure.

Many mothers are better at caring for their children (and even friends in need) than ourselves. When our cherubs are hurting or unwell we wrap our arms around them, soothe their worries or injuries , say kind words and nurture them.

It is time we choose to nurture the child inside you ourselves - how about metaphorically giving yourself a warm hug ...say something good about yourself and challenge the inner critic !

Most things will pass , "this too will pass" is my favourite mantra !.

Go gently and make good choices - for you !

? credit unknown - I feel like doing this today except it is raining ...yay for filling water tanks.

So what is good about you (make a new list) ?
If you draw a blank phone a friend...


♥

A crushing weight

...has been some what lifted. (No pun intended)

I am relieved and grateful.
I am okay.
Though , I am still worried.
I just can't put the words together eloquently.
Be forewarned I may ramble.



The mammogram and ultrasound showed I have 4 cysts - 3 in one breast, 1 in another -  
NO suspicious lesions evident ;  Negative  !

* Though it still has the disclaimer down the bottom ...basically not all breast cancers are detected by mammogram.

I am not being a pessimist.
It is a fact I cannot ignore.
I just won't go there.

I am okay but not completely okay.
I have to go back to the GP , I am still sore in one spot.
I'll see what he suggests.

The timing was just crap (as I picked up my scans yesterday I had so much on mind).

Yesterday Monday / today's date 10th May is exactly 12 months.
Etched in my mind as one of the worse days ever.

A year since my husband saw the Oncology Surgeon and received his diagnosis.
A very rare malignant tumour around his right temple/temporal muscle. Most of which was removed April 28th, 2010.

We knew it was a tumour .
We went in hoping it was benign.
It wasn't.
Six straight weeks of radiation therapy followed mid June & through all of July.

Right now ... the last PET scan in February was clear.
We can only live in HOPE.
We do !
We are thankful for the medical team and treatment.
Thankful it was largely covered by medicare and our health fund.
His next followup is Monday.

Last year, I walked past the Breast cancer institute doors with him on his way to his radiation therapy, most days.
Everyone has radiation together. 


I remember seeing a sea of faces, head scarves...harrowing looks and sometimes smiles.

I spoke to a lady for 20 mins one day, she mentioned she was on her last radiation treatment for Breast cancer ; to follow my hubby that day.
It wasn't her day or allocated machine but they arranged it specially as it was a Friday and her last day. (Every 2nd Friday they serviced alternate radiation machines )
She looked maybe '50' .
She was hopeful her treatment was successful ; I will never know how she went.
I prayed for her a few times afterwards.

Another friend of mine, D, now 52 had cancer in her early 40's , she survived but is still not 100%.
D was still on chemo medication till she decided to stop recently because it was messing with her brain functioning she told me. 

Two weeks ago , at an engagement party gathering, I spoke to two close friends of my sister in law , in their early 50's. I know both women casually, both had breast cancer in their 40's and one more recently still undergoing treatment for lymphedema related to her breast cancer.

So many women in their 40's -50's I know personally, affected by breast cancer.
A few years ago a lady at church died aged about 46, leaving her a 5yr old daughter and husband. We were new to the church I didn't know her much at all.

Knowing these gorgeous women had a breast cancer diagnosis , close to my current age ; the reality bites.

Almost , eight years ago, my cousin, J, died of ovarian cancer / bowel cancer at 40 ...her youngest daughter (of 6 children) the age my little boys are now.
J had barely 8 weeks, after diagnosis her cancer was back to kill her , to live.

I honestly didn't know my cousin J, well as an adult she lived too far away and for a long time lived interstate.

It's a long story but her youngest little girl, N, then aged 4 1/2  spent 3 weeks with me.It was only 3 weeks after her mother died. N cried every night and asked to go to her mum constantly ~ in heaven ~ but was still happy enough to go about day to day with us. I cried with her in my arms most nights till she fell asleep. Then she was taken away.

A longer story still ... N  eventually couldn't live with her father, so has lived with a close relative of mine for the last 3 yrs after experiencing too much. I see N regularly now. She is a gorgeous pre- teen. So like her mother.

On Sunday , Mother's day , all I could think about when I saw N, was how her mother must have felt knowing she would never she N, grow up or her 5 other children aged from 9 to 18yrs.
Right about this time was when J would have got that news.
J's last Mother's day , I can't imagine it.
J knew then she was terminal.
Heartbreaking.
It was on my mind while I waited for Monday.

Families everywhere robbed of mothers, sisters, daughters.

Tragically taken too soon.

Families living in fear while they HOPE .
Overwhelmed by challenges, by the road they must travel, as they do their best to carry on normally.
A cr@ptastic detour.

My final point -

Mothers , any women, anyone ... 

If you are ever worried about anything do not delay getting it checked out.  

EVER !

Early detection is the best treatment and best hope.

PS I had a great, new giveaway to announce but BLOGGER was down yesterday and I couldn't post this , so now it will have to wait.


♥ Never miss a post

The Big Zing

As a busy mum I love to find new TV / video programs to keep my kids occupied when I need to tackle the housework or dinner. Safe in knowledge they won't tackle each other or create chaos where I've cleaned.

As much as I love to play or read with them there are times when the mundane calls me away. I can't expect my two preschoolers to sit quietly for 30mins reading or playing peacefully while I am busy.

I was excited to be given the opportunity to review ZingZilla’s, a hit new preschool production by BBC, CBeebies.

I loved that ZingZilla’s is a new concept introducing new sounds, instruments and musical ideas to my preschoolers. My four year boys were immediately captivated. 

It held their attention with them toe tapping and jiving along. I enjoyed it too.

ZingZilla’s musical sensation are an engaging band of primates living on a tropical island.

Zak , Tang  , Panzee  and Drum  are the ZingZilla’s who have got everyone rockin’ and jiving to a brand new beat.

The ZingZilla's have a daily performance called "The Big Zing" which incorporates a different musical guest / instrument each episode. The songs are catchy and easy to join in with.

Each episode follows band mates Zak, Tang, Panzee, Drum and their friends through musical adventures on their island paradise.

It introduces preschoolers to a variety of musical influences from rock to samba, bluegrass to Bhangra, orchestra to soul, the Aboriginal Didgeridoo and Scottish bagpipes too.

My boys insisted on dragging out their older brother's old drums .

  

to join in the cast of characters too

 
Zak , a gorilla , the lead singer provides vocals,

while Tang, an Orangutan is the lead guitarist with amazing compositions.

"It's a hap , hap,  happy day"

 Chimpanze, Panzee is the band's, bass guitarist and keyboard genius.

Our favourite was the monkey, Drum the percussionist / drummer, of course, who has always hits the right beat.

Their musical guru, sloth, DJ Loose ensures they get it all together in time for the daily Big Zing, performed with their daily guests in background. The musical guests once discovered each day by the ZingZilla’s provide the day's inspiration or theme. Everyone lends a hand.

The 'Beach byrds' harmonize and dance along, backing up the band. They are aided by the ancient ‘Moaning’ stones, with the bass lines. Todd, an accident prone mandrill,  the island's caretaker completes the colourful cast.

When the last coconut rolls ‘The Big Zing’ begins and the island pulsates.  It’s creative and lively music everyone will enjoy. 

You can also see more about  ZingZilla’s at Cbeebies website www.bbcaustralia.com/cbeebies  it has fun games , songs and colouring sheets you can download for your kids.

Music sensation ZingZilla’s are expertly introducing new sounds, instruments and musical ideas from around the world to our littlies! Does your child want to be in a band? What instrument or song do they love the most?

Tune in to ZingZilla’s weekdays at 4.30pm on CBeebies - Channel 705 on FOXTEL and AUSTAR.

Sponsored by CBeebies
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Justice ...at last

Some very significant things have happened in the last few days.
A few months ago my husband (personally in his name but related to our business) got a Statement of claim for civil damages. It was from a woman he met once and was for an alleged breach of oral contract and subsequent alleged losses ...all for a quote he gave 5 months prior.

It was out of the blue and cost her $77 to lodge the claim in court.It was the first he had ever been to court.
Our business didn't deal in oral quotes. She was trying to claim scam over $6000 from us and gave no details how she arrived at the amount except for almost $600 in legal costs (to prepare the Statement of claim we presumed). Inconceivable.
For over 4 months it has consumed our life, though my husband only had to go to court in the city twice.
Preparation of our defence and witness statements took hours upon hours ...actually days.
There were sleepless nights and the worry of it.
The worse that could happen was he has to pay heed to her ridiculous, inconceivable claims and pay the money.

That it could proceed to a court hearing without someone really looking at the truth of the matter it is inconceivable.

A date was set for a mediation session at the court in mid July.We cut short our planned holiday away to be there ...or else they could have ruled against us in our absence. The woman did not show but her Barrister's secretary did only to insist on going directly a hearing. DH waited 3-4 hrs for a 5min chance to speak , and only a hearing date was set for a month later.

By all accounts a barrister was unnecessary , Dh represented himself.
The woman didn't show at the hearing only her barrister was there.
Our case was listed for mid afternoon , the 2nd case on the appointed hour. I accompanied my DH this time.
The courtroom opened , the two Plaintiffs and two defendants entered, the parties Cases 1 & 2, stood for Assessor as requested by the court secretary. It was otherwise informal.
The Assessor asked each person to identity themselves. then said Case 1 would likely be 30mins and that we could go outside and try to resolve the matter amongst ourselves.
We went outside with the Barrister, a very nice man by all accounts . A little small talk followed and then he asked if we were prepared to settle...

Dh : "No "
Barrister : "okay , we will let court decide"

He also told us he didn't normally deal in civil claims but murder and manslaughter cases, he mentioned he had been before Judge X in the Supreme Court and Judge Z in the District court already that morning.

The first case was actually 1hr.15mins long. We started to get worried we wouldn't make it back in time to get our sons from daycare. I made hasty arrangements, just in case, with my Sister in law.

Then it was our turn after 2 hr 30min wait.
It was very intimidating. Dh was nervous. The Barrister spoke first. He objected to us introducing more evidence , despite the fact Dh has been told he could. Incorrectly so it seems.
The Assessor explained at length why he couldn't. Ok .

The Plaintiff had sent her documents back to us by fax late on the last possible day after they had received our statements. We didn't have same opportunity they ahd to be lodged at the court.

In civil cases the court makes decisions based on written evidence submitted 14 days prior to the hearing. It was incredulous we couldn't respond to her false claims in her statement.
Still DH was able to read them out. He was very nervous but did a great job.
In the end the Assessor said it was 'inconceivable' that 'we' would have entered an oral contract as Plaintiff had stated .
At best her claims of loss - were not proven , excessive and were not even in her name but other names and actually in name of a business for what was personal quotes...her Barrister couldn't explain how the sum of approx $6000 was derived nor the discrepancies.

DH wanted to say surely they had also broken some tax laws but didn't.

The Barrister used some fancy legal terms and tried to argue a few points.He lost us.

In the end about 40 mins after we entered the Assessor started summing it up.It was ruled in our favour though at first it was hard to follow him. The case against Dh was dismissed.

Justice prevailed , though at significant cost to our mental health and untold stress.
We didn't have legal costs thank goodness.

The Barrister shook hands at the end and explained a few other things. He was a character indeed.

He took the case as a favour. Still the woman is going to be charged by him ...I don't know what the going rate is for a criminal barrister doing a civil case but she deserves everything she has got coming to her.
I am just thankful it was resolved and the case is over (God I hope so).
I am relieved we can move on to better things and put the whole saga behind us.

We paid our $32 for parking (cost twice as much as lunch did).
The drive out of the city took us 1hr 50 mins and we made it to preschool at 5.56pm with 4 mins to spare.
The calls of congratulations from family and friends were heartwarming.
I'll tell you the other significant things tomorrow ...
♥

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An old dog learns new tricks ... and an old dog

The last few days I have been learning a few new tricks and all about chicklets and widgets, rss and Google reader.

I discovered I do have feed burner readers (thank you to 32 people - I am honoured). I subscribed to a whole of blogs but I didn't know how to access them easily. I do now.Before it was hit and miss. I am sorry to the people I have neglected.I also re-directed my blogger rss to feed burner... at least that is what i think I did. I saw a jump in my readers on the stats yesterday too. I have along way to go to crossing the 10,000 reader milestone.

So now I am off on a mission to add more blogs to my Google reader.I have so much to learn. I am seriously thinking about changing to Wordpress ... well next year.

I have been so busy of late NaBloPoMo... and I feel my precious little guys need me more than I need to fiddle with my blog stuff. They have been into everything and while I secretly say horrid little things about them (to myself) - when they rip yet another lift the flap book or mildly important papers, steal my phone,keys, camera or wallet, bite me while nursing,climb and stand on the furniture, escape the $160 playpen, remove their nappies, throw clean washing all over the house, explore the toilet,refuse to eat & throw food at each other and on the floor, unpack the bag I just packed to go out and generally trash the house and that's just today - I still think I will keep them.

I might just keep him too ... though at the moment we clash terribly... *sigh*I am a mean mum and he is now 14 going on 40 who thinks he has all the answers. The babies adore him.

I digress , yes, we do have an old dog - Patch is now 11 yrs old. We gave him to our son D on Christmas day 11 yrs ago - D was 3yrs old and Patch was barely 5-6 wks old, with a belly full of worms (eeewww) . He was a wee scrap of a thing - 'heinz' Blue cattle/heeler dog mix. We played out the Rod Campbell story " Dear Zoo".
A boy writes to the zoo for a new pet ... and they send him a variety of animals - I wrapped small toys/plastic animals and lastly they sent him ... in basket can you guess ? and we presented the dog to him in a picnic basket.

Playing -fetch the ball is his favourite past-time but he gets puffed quicker now. I will have to find a photo tomorrow of him now. S & J love to throw the ball too ... but they only get it a metre of so.Poor Patch he gets so excited for nothing. D wanted to call him Pat (after Postman Pat... but unfortunately(yes it's true) my MIL lived in a little house/flat attached to our house and her name was *P a t xxxxx ... (almost the same as mine). LOL we knew she wouldn't appreciate it. Here 'Pat' ... yelled out !

By the way, Patch still loves her (and remembers her car - we know she is driving up the drive by the way he gets so excited in anticipation) even after 7 yrs since she/we moved.
She was his best ball thrower ever.
*The same name thing now that is a blog for another day.
Heads & Tails follows ...

Weekly Winners

Hey, it's Sunday ...well almost Monday where I live and thanks to Sarcastic Mom - Lotus and her brilliant meme we get to showcase a few of our favourite photos from the week ... I don't get to take many they are too quick

December 2nd - December 8th

what's in the box ?

Balancing act ...

Box'in again

love my mess

safe n sound (less)

Two years ago today 23rd November

two years ago today I posted this message on a parenting forum I was actively involved in ....

I really appreciate all your encouragement ladies - I still have light cramping on/off ....


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pink - don't want to say it myself




















lines -in fact



but it is very early days - and I am so anxious .Yes it was @ 5.20am but I have barely slept since 2am waiting and waiting - OM Gosh - yes thanks God !

Going to try and ring my clinic at 6.30am to have an early beta*[*Beta is IVF speak for a blood test to check the HCG level which indicates pregnancy]

I woke DH to show him - but you are among the first

then this ...

I am back from having my beta - emailed them , rang and left a message at 6.30am then rang at 7.30am and receptionist asked nurse and she said come if you want.

Saw the blood lady and then the other nurse who came to check out why I didn't have a form (blood group form - which I know anyway so didn't need ) said "umm - when was beta for ?" - Monday [20 days after OPU - egg pickup]
" might be a bit early "
but 2 positive HPT [home pregnnacy test]with 2 different brands can't be wrong.

finally this @3.13pm

My beta results 448 [Big fat positive =pregnant]
I never thought I would be posting this

Even right now I can remember at the time wondering if it was too good to be true. I also suspected and the general consensus was there was perhaps 'two' not just one baby because the HCG level was higher than average 448 - when normally the clinic likes to see 100 and my beta was a day early.(the nurse told me off for this too)


Now as watch my little boys playing , laughing , alternatively grizzling at me or growling at each other my heart wants to explode with joy.
I am so,so thankful.

Ps ... right now the phone rang it was DH saying he was ready for me to order Pizza. I left the gate to their play pen area open in my haste to answer the phone.
In the fews minutes it took me to order takeaway Pizza on the phone, J stole my camera (I had snapped a few pictures of them ) - I put the pizza girl on hold... , then they trashed my clothes drying rack (nappies actually) and nicked all the pegs off .Then, when I resumed my posting they got into the bathroom started to unroll the toilet paper and threw the pegs they stole into the bathtub. LOL . Chaos reigns and I love it. Most of the time !


Twelve months ago ...





The difference a year makes