Tuesday, 10 May 2011

A crushing weight

...has been some what lifted. (No pun intended)

I am relieved and grateful.
I am okay.
Though , I am still worried.
I just can't put the words together eloquently.
Be forewarned I may ramble.

The mammogram and ultrasound showed I have 4 cysts - 3 in one breast, 1 in another -  
NO suspicious lesions evident ;  Negative  !

* Though it still has the disclaimer down the bottom ...basically not all breast cancers are detected by mammogram.

I am not being a pessimist.
It is a fact I cannot ignore.
I just won't go there.

I am okay but not completely okay.
I have to go back to the GP , I am still sore in one spot.
I'll see what he suggests.

The timing was just crap (as I picked up my scans yesterday I had so much on mind).

Yesterday Monday / today's date 10th May is exactly 12 months.
Etched in my mind as one of the worse days ever.

A year since my husband saw the Oncology Surgeon and received his diagnosis.
A very rare malignant tumour around his right temple/temporal muscle. Most of which was removed April 28th, 2010.

We knew it was a tumour .
We went in hoping it was benign.
It wasn't.
Six straight weeks of radiation therapy followed mid June & through all of July.

Right now ... the last PET scan in February was clear.
We can only live in HOPE.
We do !
We are thankful for the medical team and treatment.
Thankful it was largely covered by medicare and our health fund.
His next followup is Monday.

Last year, I walked past the Breast cancer institute doors with him on his way to his radiation therapy, most days.
Everyone has radiation together. 

I remember seeing a sea of faces, head scarves...harrowing looks and sometimes smiles.

I spoke to a lady for 20 mins one day, she mentioned she was on her last radiation treatment for Breast cancer ; to follow my hubby that day.
It wasn't her day or allocated machine but they arranged it specially as it was a Friday and her last day. (Every 2nd Friday they serviced alternate radiation machines )
She looked maybe '50' .
She was hopeful her treatment was successful ; I will never know how she went.
I prayed for her a few times afterwards.

Another friend of mine, D, now 52 had cancer in her early 40's , she survived but is still not 100%.
D was still on chemo medication till she decided to stop recently because it was messing with her brain functioning she told me. 

Two weeks ago , at an engagement party gathering, I spoke to two close friends of my sister in law , in their early 50's. I know both women casually, both had breast cancer in their 40's and one more recently still undergoing treatment for lymphedema related to her breast cancer.

So many women in their 40's -50's I know personally, affected by breast cancer.
A few years ago a lady at church died aged about 46, leaving her a 5yr old daughter and husband. We were new to the church I didn't know her much at all.

Knowing these gorgeous women had a breast cancer diagnosis , close to my current age ; the reality bites.

Almost , eight years ago, my cousin, J, died of ovarian cancer / bowel cancer at 40 ...her youngest daughter (of 6 children) the age my little boys are now.
J had barely 8 weeks, after diagnosis her cancer was back to kill her , to live.

I honestly didn't know my cousin J, well as an adult she lived too far away and for a long time lived interstate.

It's a long story but her youngest little girl, N, then aged 4 1/2  spent 3 weeks with me.It was only 3 weeks after her mother died. N cried every night and asked to go to her mum constantly ~ in heaven ~ but was still happy enough to go about day to day with us. I cried with her in my arms most nights till she fell asleep. Then she was taken away.

A longer story still ... N  eventually couldn't live with her father, so has lived with a close relative of mine for the last 3 yrs after experiencing too much. I see N regularly now. She is a gorgeous pre- teen. So like her mother.

On Sunday , Mother's day , all I could think about when I saw N, was how her mother must have felt knowing she would never she N, grow up or her 5 other children aged from 9 to 18yrs.
Right about this time was when J would have got that news.
J's last Mother's day , I can't imagine it.
J knew then she was terminal.
It was on my mind while I waited for Monday.

Families everywhere robbed of mothers, sisters, daughters.

Tragically taken too soon.

Families living in fear while they HOPE .
Overwhelmed by challenges, by the road they must travel, as they do their best to carry on normally.
A cr@ptastic detour.

My final point -

Mothers , any women, anyone ... 
If you are ever worried about anything do not delay getting it checked out.  

Early detection is the best treatment and best hope.

PS I had a great, new giveaway to announce but BLOGGER was down yesterday and I couldn't post this , so now it will have to wait.

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