Monday, 30 June 2008

Oh what a night ... 24 months ago

On another wistful night ... 24 months ago tonight about 10pm (Friday 30th June) they told me I would be having my babies by Cesarean section the next day. Oh ,what a night twas ...

Part 1

During 36th week I was feeling very uncomfortable. I wasn’t sleeping much and was very tired. It was also the first week I hadn’t worked. My SIL had come down from Queensland to work for us (as her missionary ‘mission’). It was good timing.I was feeling a little itchy at times and in the back of my mind I remembered reading a few posts about it on the parenting forum.

I mentioned it to the Registrar at the High risk antenatal clinic when I went for my appointment on 29th June. I never asked him directly about obstetric Cholestasis though.The Professor (OB) was away overseas so I never saw him. The week before Twin 1’s fluid level was in the lower range and there was a slight concern.

So I had an extra scan on 29th June. The scan showed Twin 1’s fluid levels were normal again.The Registrar just said it was common for increased itchiness due to twin pregnancy stretching the skin more and dryness etc. I accepted what he said because it wasn’t too bad.

Friday 30th June,2006 I was very tired and exhausted. I got up had breakfast and fell asleep in a recliner chair – which we had borrowed. I found it hard to get comfortable elsewhere. I had some lunch and feel asleep again. I woke up and was so itchy all over. I was scratching myself so much and applying cold cloths and took a non drowsy antihistamine Claritine (after I checked on Internet it was safe).

I knew it wasn’t right the way I was feeling. My DH came home and I very uncomfortable and feeling irritable. Not sure of what I did exactly when but -I checked BB for the thread again about itchiness; I rang the hospital and was put through to delivery suite and checked my pregnancy books again. I was sure it was obstetric cholestasis.The risk of stillbirth was all I could think about.

I couldn’t bear it having had my precious Charlotte born still 22months before.The Midwife said to come in .I had a feeling I wouldn’t be coming home again before their birth so I quickly grabbed a few things. I hadn’t packed my labour bag- all week I meant to but I was so exhausted I never got around to it .Lucky they were all pretty much laid out in one room. We organised DS and dropped him at a friend’s place. I was so upset and uncomfortable I couldn’t eat anything (big mistake).

It was about 6.30 pm when we got to delivery suite and we went straight in. After a short while a midwife came and asked a few questions, did temp/pulse/blood pressure and said she would put CTG on me (to check babies).

I knew the babies were moving okay but at the same time I was worried things could change in a matter of minutes. I just wanted to know they were okay. The CTG was fine she said. Then they came and took blood after 8pm.By this stage we were starving and there wasn’t anywhere open for food. I was wondering how long it was going to take and if I would be staying overnight or having the babies at all. We joked lightly about the baby bonus going up in a few hours by $1000 each ...

A Midwife came and said sorry they were still waiting for blood results at about 9pm. At 10pm they came and said results were back and not right and they were waiting for another Dr to review them.

DH & I joked again making it to 1st July.Finally after about 11pm the Dr came and said I would be having the babies tomorrow morning by C/S (they were breech), classed as emergency. They had to call the team in (extra for twins).Part of me didn’t want to have my babies @35wks4days - I was so scared of having babies but worse about not having them.

I knew they would be okay at this gestation. I was relieved in a way.Around midnight they took me to antenatal ward. I was weighed /temp /BP check / Obs/urine test etc ,questions and settled into bed. DH went home.They did another quick check with CTG machine but only to listen to heartbeats, I then had to wait for Dr to come and put IV cannula in-about 1.30am.The MW said I was a bit dehydrated – I said I haven’t eaten or had much to drink. I barely slept -The lady (also heavily pg) beside me had 'constipation' issues so was up/down and I had so many things going through my mind. I wanted to keep feeling babies move to know they were okay. I watched the clock tick away to pass time.

Part 2

I was up early for a shower/ 'shave' by midwife– all my plans to wax / trim and shave my legs and get all pretty ? - gone. Then I had to wait as they had two real emergency c/s.

My Mum came in to wait and worry with us. Finally I was taken to OT at about 12.15pm.Nervous – you bet -but no tears yet.After I was wheeled into what I think was some kind of waiting bay DH was taken away to get changed. A few staff introduced themselves.

As soon as I saw two midwives come in with bassinets I started to cry- it had taken me about 14yrs to get this far. I couldn't imagine my babies in them. They said not long now – just getting everything ready.

I was wheeled into the OT – a large room and so much equipment. Things were explained to me and I was positioned for the spinal block. It was so awkward with my huge belly – they injected the local but I hardly felt a thing. I was laid flat with the bed tilted slightly –then they started preparing me I couldn't see anything 1. a huge screen (1m high in front) .2. I couldn't see without my contacts or glasses.

They tested sensation with ice cubes – I had cold water dripping into my ears and finally I couldn't feel anything - except embarrassment especially the catheter. Waiting...waiting - I the felt a tugging and stinging sensation … I didn't know what was going on really. I was in a daze. Maybe I had been given something else.It happened so quickly next - I heard that beautiful cry I waited for so long to hear – what I missed with Charlotte.

Samuel was born 12.51pm and whisked away to be seen to –suction and O2- he was not even to be shown to us. Then a minute later (though it seemed longer) Joel was born 12.52pm. Another wondrous cry .He was also taken away to be suctioned and seen to. There was a flurry of activity and anaesthetist left me and went to where the boys where. My DH told me later they called a code blue for Samuel.

The anaesthetist came back and told me all was okay. They said they were taking the boys to NICU and some said “we had better show mum before they go”. I saw them for maybe 10 secs and they were so wrapped up I barely saw them but gave them a quick hello and a little kiss. I was then stitched up and taken to recovery. I had terrible pain despite a PCA and I needed a few bolus doses – it still didn't help.

I stayed in recovery for about 1.5hrs then was taken back to antenatal ward. The only thing on my mind was seeing my boys again to make sure they were okay. My DH came and saw me and told me they were perfect and beautiful.

Finally at about 8pm I was wheeled down still in my bed to NICU to finally hold and see my precious sons. They were perfect in very way. I couldn't believe I had carried both of them.Samuel 2960gm (6lb8.5oz) 46.5cm Joel 2164gm (4lb12oz) 43cm .

S & J spent 19 'long' days in hospital - 3 days in NICU though well and then another 16 days in Special care Nursery - transferred to our local hospital to establish feeding and weight gain.

I felt they should have been home a lot sooner but not the hospital

I am so thankful to everyone who shared my journey and encouraged me along the way - a very special mention to Tiff. A true friend who allowed me to share her journey with her 2nd set of twins Ivy & Noah right from the very first two lines ... to two heartbeats and allowed me the pleasure of announcing their arrival on the Internet forum where we met.Then she was their to celebrate all my pregnancy milestones including a few 'curly' questions.

Then she encouraged me very step of the way and supported me ... like the wind beneath my wings. I am forever grateful for our friendship.

So many coincidences and tragedies we shared as well as the most joyous of occasions - like birthing our precious twin miracles after losing angel babies ~William David~ 2/4/04 - 7/4/04 and ~Charlotte Rose~ in 2004.

Please note the Comment box is under the post ... yay check this post here
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Hooray - have you heard the news ...

Blogger blogs now have inline comments Wordpress style. The comment form is below the post. This is one feature I have been very keen to get for a long time ... thank you to the blogger team.

The catch is you need to enable it through Blogger in Draft .

Then to activate the comment form go to
  1. Settings>Comments Tab your Blogger dashboard
  2. Scroll down to "Comment form placement" (3rd option) where you can check the circle [box] setting for "Embedded below post".
  3. Go check it out on your blog ... and pass it on ! Tell everyone.
I hope all my blogger blog friends read this because it makes commenting so much easier for everyone. I have a terrible memory sometimes and it means I have to leave the window to check ... a photo etc.

There is also the option of making Blogger in Draft your default dashboard. It means you get to try new features earlier. I love the scheduled posts feature.

I am just waiting on a comment luv feature ... so hopefully The Blogger team are working on this.

NOTE: If you have hacked and customised your blogger template you will need to make some additional changes.

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Sunday, 29 June 2008

Weekly winners

June 22nd -June 29th
It was a busy week and I didn't get many photos or time to 'picnik' (edit) them.

In the Cubby

Today - we had the Brothers' 2nd Birthday ...I snuck them in

This was the Cake !

J was a little unwell today ...
S was so excited

Chicken & Corn soup ... mmm I love Winter soups
The presents !!
LOL -all the kids wanted to eat the Smarties off the top
They promised me a Sausage if I wore the silly hat ...
mmm ...
After party plastic carnage
New toys but they cried over the Torches !
That's all Folks.

Lotus @ Sarcastic Mom is the host of Weekly Winners.

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Alphabet you !

New Friends, new lists

In my wanderings for NaComLeavMo, I've visited many new blogs; I saw this list and I thought it was fun, so I stole it for today's post. :)

A - Attached or Single: Attached
B - Best Friend(s): Toolman , (can't specify female friends I might leave someone out)
C - Cake or Pie: Cake unless it is Pecan Pie
D - Day of Choice: Sunday
E - Essential Item: my contact lens (one only as almost blind in other eye) and hearing aid.
F - Favorite Color(s): Blue
G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Gummy worms (sour ones) I like Sour bears too
H - Hometown: North western Sydney, Australia
I - Indulgence(s): chocolate , strawberries and ice cream
J - January or July: July (birthday month of the twins & I)
K - Kids: miracle IVF twin boys, angel girl in heaven and teenager by local adoption
L - Life is incomplete without: my husband and boys
M - Marriage Date: 10-02-90
N - Number of Siblings: 1 of each younger
O - Oranges or Apples: Apples
P- Phobias or Fears: too many to list
Q - Quote: I rather have a moment of something special than a lifetime of nothing -

"Keep a Song in your Heart, a Dance at your Feet, and a Smile on your Face... because You make this world a better place. Remember God made You for this time and this place with purpose and love."
Jeanette Mayhew's mum

R- Ring size: how would I know ?
S - Season: Spring
T- Tag 3 Friends: I pick you !
U - Unknown fact about me: ????
V - Very favorite stores: Food stores
W - Worst Habit: spending too much time on computer and talking & eating too much LOL
X-ray or Ultrasound: Had lots of u/s with the boys.
Y - Your Favorite Food(s): roast dinners , creme caramel, any food actually
Z - Zodiac: Cancer

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what kind of chocolate are you

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.

You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.

Also nostalgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

Saturday, 28 June 2008

Smiley Saturday

More days of wonder and excitement this week.I know I have so many reasons to smile as 'corny' as it sounds.

Today, we went to a Kidzfest at a nearby church on a few acres. They had lots of free activities for kids and luckily we saw the sign and it reminded me. As we had headed out shopping for the party so I made a quick detour.

I had attended the church a few times only mainly because a friend of mine went to church there and also lived in the old house there for years. I knew only a handful of people through my friend. She moved 3 years ago ~ 6 hrs away (She rarely comes back to Sydney sadly).

So , I was very surprised to be recognised by two different ladies and also a young guy.One lady , I barely knew and yet she remembered I was Moira's friend and my name.

The other got a shock to see S & J too.

I saw a young man whom I hadn't seen for maybe 7-8 years or more - he must be about 20 now. I recognised him as he looks so much like his father. I asked him about his mother, Jane who I was also friends with because of playgroup with the Teen man and Moira, and his younger siblings. I stated who I was and he said he knew. I missed seeing Jane .I hope he mentions it to her.

I do miss Moira and her 4 'feral' boys .I smiled remembering the good times we had with our kids and Girls' nights out (or in). We had many a laugh and shared a lot of good times.

I have decided now, next week, I will give her a ring and see when we can catch up. I know that maybe her sons weren't as feral as I thought at the time ... it was my limited exposure to one boy (The Teen man) and when you multiply it by 4 boys - 24/7 you have chaos. They were still a little wild and broke everything but such happy kids. No wonder her house was never clean.

My little boys had their first ride on 'Shetland' ponies and S especially loved it. They love their rocking horses too. J was a bit preoccupied with the Smarties in his hand and mouth.

They had a go at 'fishing' ... hooking a toy turtle and got a prize (Smarties) which made them smile.

Another thing that has made me smile this week is kisses from my little men ... in between nursing they take turns to stop and reach up to kiss me or tickle noses about 20 times . It takes so much longer but I treasure these moments. Ones I thought I would never enjoy.

I am also smiling because I have an idea for their cake... just hope it works.I'd best be off I have lots of things to do before bed .

Enjoy your Sunday ...we will because it's Party Day. See more Smiley Saturdays over at Lightenings Online.

I wish I'd had my camera today though.*sigh*

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Friday, 27 June 2008

Friday ... cake anyone

It's Flickr Friday hosted by Lazycowdesigns. kate's little guy,Muski had his 1st birthday the other day so she chose cakes. Perfect timing for me too.

Except I feel a failure. Look at all those great cakes.*drool*

I am feeling a lot little overwhelmed and emotional tonight. I could eat a few cakes actually.

I am not feeling grateful at all because people have let me down organising the Brothers birthday 2nd party on Sunday, someone else is being a biatch difficult about other stuff I am involved with and now I won't sleep tonight - it has nothing to do with the party but it's eating away at me.

I have an email in draft to her ... maybe I'll delete it or just ignore it till next week.

I have so much to do tomorrow and The Tool man has stuff of his own to finish ... that he has also left to the very last minute. I am trying to be reasonable about that but I am so NOT happy ! He has been very busy at work and had unexpected dramas there too. Trying to please everyone instead of me.

I haven't a clue what do for S & J's cake (s) and I don't know who is coming because a lot of people haven't replied to say yes or no.

The boys would quite happily eat any cake covered in lollies, chocolate, smarties, lolly pops etc. They are not into any characters because they rarely sit still long enough to watch TV ... good and bad ! yes I am scratching my head now ! I did a drum cake last year -maybe I'll do it again.

The cake they apply all over their face, with chocolate grins ear to ear . They will probably only eat the lollies I decorate with. I am not fond of artificial colourings but limited if I want to use Smarties. I wanted to give them a cake of their own too... Compfight didn't give me many ideas for boys.

So if you don't see me around much tomorrow - you know I'll be pulling my hair out.The house is topsy turvy because we got the carpets cleaned today and couldn't move anything back till they dry.

I think too much ... I am not ready for my babies to turn two. It feels like they won't be my babies anymore.

1. Groom's cake!, 2. choc n pink, 3. Drum Grooms Cake, 4. More cupcakes!, 5. White and dark chocolate bow @ Amphora Bakery, 6. Cupcake Bear!, 7. Birthday Cakes, 8. Flowers bring colours... Happy Birthday!, 9. Noah's Ark Cake @ Amphora Bakery

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Thursday, 26 June 2008

If nobody is watching ...

5 Things I like to do when nobody's watching:

1. Lick MY plate clean
2. Dance in my house or while watching playschool (I do rarely dance in public).
3. Steal three an extra cookie.
4. Eat something that's dropped on the floor (my floor,ONLY - 5 minute sec rule the boys waste so much food)
5. Scratch head or anywhere -if you scratch in public people think you have critters LOL

What do you do if nobody can see you?

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Tuesday, 24 June 2008

I walk the Line

The theme/prompt this week is HEADS - Line

The first thing that came to mind was actually the second line ...on a pregnancy test.

I can still remember the day I got my first and second pink line that indicated I was pregnant after 12 years of infertility.

I didn't know how it all would end but still it was a moment of glory I will always remember. The months of negative tests still linger in my memory. Peeing on a stick is such a funny way to find out if you pregnant or not (then it isn't so funny).

Though blood tests are more civilised often we just can't wait in line for our turn with the phlebotomist's needle. Some just take the word of the almighty line on a pee sick -the lucky ones who have no doubt.

It is this elusive LINE that so many couples (or women) chase or (occasionally wish away in the case of unplanned teenage pregnancies unless they have other ideas -like a pregnancy pact).

The blogosphere has many stories of couples trying to conceive some using natural methods and others assisted conception . Our sanity happiness hinges more often than not on this LINE. It is often the first line indicator of success or disappointment.

Until you have been there and walked that LINE , month after month of disappointment, you don't know how much those little two lines mean. Shattering sadness or joyous jubilation. Like C & her hubby last week

I still remember the day I saw those two pink lines again.

It 'rocked' my world. I was finally pregnant on my second IVF cycle ... I had saved the 3rd pee stick (from Charlotte's box of 3 tests). I didn't believe it so I used another. ... in less than a week my little babies will be two.

Tonight I read of an Aussie grandmother @ 46 who conceived natural identical boy triplets - one in ten million chance - now that's incredible and what a blessing.

To those who are still struggling to achieve that LINE I wish you strength, hope and resilience and it is my prayer that you bring your dream to life.

I like this song ...had to share it.

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Monday, 23 June 2008

Why "My little Drummer Boys ?"

In case you wanted to know...

I have seen a few people writing how they named their blog.

Mine is simple : why did I name my blog My Little Drummer boys. I honestly can't remember the name I used almost 3 years ago when I made my first post ..(and one more on another blog the next day - I had no idea) then when I started again I renamed it.

When the teen man was about 8-9 we bought a second hand set of drums from a general auction on the spur of the moment . He had always loved banging and bashing on boxes/tubs/pans all manner of things since a toddler.

Our teenage son,D, is adopted it is written in his "My story" –a little book for him written by adoption agency and his birth mother. His maternal (birth) grandfather was a musician but he didn’t make much money. His birth mother would have told then that. She was also fostered most of her life. D was surrendered for adoption at about 9-10 months and we didn’t adopt him till he was 13.5 months. A week after we met him we took him home for good.

I digress ...I was awake one night last week wondering if the teenage son in foster family played drums.I am just so curious now.

Then along came the babies. They have grown up hearing, then later as soon as they could sit up, watching their big brother play the drums, almost every day. I loved the peace LOL.

So with my little drummer boys who love playing the drums too , what else could I choose.

Something else you didn’t ask …Even more freaky is my Mother’s, non live in, partner is a drummer. B was actually her old boyfriend from her teens . B and his wife were my parents long time family friends. They were also my God parents.

My Dad and B’s wife, J, both battled serious illnesses (cancer and leukaemia) around the same time for a few years , then both passed away with 7 weeks of each other 3 years ago.

B (who shares the babies birthday 1st July) will be 62 next week .He is a drummer in a rock/country band, Mum is his ‘groupie’ and she goes to band practice with him. The band even have real gigs at RSL clubs.

The Teen man is a good drummer – he is playing in band with some friends from school for a school talent show in 2 weeks. A mother dropping her son off at Teen man's party said he was good ... and she said it was pleasure to listen to him play compared to her son's drumming LOL

S & J well I don’t mind them playing either in short doses.

It’s was D’s 15th birthday last Wednesday and the Tool man bought him a new (used as a DEMO) drum set for less than 1/3 price (so he told me ;) ) so the Brothers are thrilled they get the old drums set to share. The old drums are still in good enough condition though well bashed to last them a few years.

I don’t know how we can have so many drummers in one family.

The new closest neighbours have a double brick downstairs rumpus room and apparently the guy likes electric guitars and drums too … I hope they made it soundproof. They move in end of next month once construction is complete. We are also building a new shed come 'music studio' for the Teen man.

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Sunday, 22 June 2008

Weekly Winners

June 15th -June 21st
Lotus @ Sarcastic Mom is the host of Weekly Winners.

In honour of his 15th birthday
These are a few of the Teen man as a toddler

Walk this way
Bucket Head circa 1997
Look Drums
'New' Drums
Ceiling Cat is a Myth
Cosy in Cot
Not again
Twin Love
Whispered Secrets
Bye !

Blogger is not up loading well tonight - I have to be off to bed anyway.

Saturday, 21 June 2008

Smiley Saturday

Another precious week of smiles and a huge sadness.
  • my friend ,Z, had her little girl ,Imogen last week @35weeks and they are home already, breastfeeding and doing well.
  • Sadly another friend went for her first u/s with her 2nd bub and found the baby had died ~12 weeks. It broke my heart truly.
  • Heart melting moments when I took S shopping alone and left J at home because he was asleep. As I was leaving the shop S kept calling for J as if I had left him behind ...and J was at home having woken, crying and looking for both S and I. Daddy couldn't do anything with him.
  • Our new outdoor awning is half up (1/3) finished.
  • The Teen man loved his birthday present
  • So far the Sleepover Party , underway as I type, is going well and the boys have been well behaved. The night is still early @11pm ish...and they have just ordered pizza.
  • A charity I am involved (supporting women through pregnancy loss) in is running a Gala Fundraising night and I sent off a few emails asking for donations and I have had a heart warming response with donations offered. It has renewed my faith in people with kind hearts.
  • This post on Ode to hand me downs made me smile and was also relevant to my post yesterday.
  • Whenever I am feeling a little overwhelmed with life (like right now) I just have to look at all my blessings and especially my children and the Tool man - that makes me smile
  • I saw some really funny posts and now I am smiling because I am such a goose I can't remember them.
  • I don't want to toot my own horn but I am smiling because my feedburner has hit 100 subscribers and that makes me feel worthwhile.I have always struggled with being accepted due to my genetic disorder and other reasons ( unrelated hearing loss and a turn in my eye from an accident at school).
  • I am pleased I am nuturing my body by riding my exercise bike every day to increase my fitness.
Welcome NCLM visitors - please read my welcome post HERE

thanks to Lightening I have seen Smiley Saturday as a chance to reflect on the many good things in my life and I enjoy being able to share them with you. Better late than never -today was a busy day preparing for the party.

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Friday, 20 June 2008

52 blessings grateful Fridays

I am so grateful for my THINGS but ashamed of the clutter excess.

In the last week I have been de cluttering and at same time helping a family in need or rather their children.

A young family with a 4yr, 18mon, 8 mon old and she is also 9-10 weeks pregnant...staying with people we know . They came 1000km by train and barely any possessions - carrying the children and clothes on their backs almost. They have some stored possessions but not much.

I know the Tool man and I have worked hard all our married lives, been money wise, saved and of course we are older but still I am embarrassed. Our kids have too many toys ... though many are 2nd hand and handed down from cousins/friends/ their brother and new gifts.They have lots of clothes too for same reason.

It didn't hurt me to give away our excess ...a spare high chair(we never paid for), outgrown clothes,shoes, socks, singlets, some larger sized hand me downs for 4yr old , a few toys I didn't want. Yet- they were very,very grateful. I still a fraud. I didn't give them our best things...saving some for my cousin.

It's hard to explain. We are not wealthy, we are just making ends meet on one wage but the gap between us and them is vast. A canyon in fact.

At the same time I recognise they choose to smoke (sadly even while pregnant) , spend their money on excess junk food in lieu of contraception essentials for their children. They fritter it away by not knowing the value of money. They live from day to day. The kids go without a few things.

I am not angry they prefer to spend $12.50 (or more each) on a packet of 25 cigarettes (per day) instead of socks or singlets for their babies (in winter) or even new clothes,even for themselves. I just feel sad for the children.

Life isn't fair. Though part of me wonders the injustice of families who are desperate for one child or more) to 'love' and another can have so many and yet not have the means to care for them adequately. I have no doubt they love them. I try not to judge by my own expectations but it is hard.

Anyway, it was perfect timing too for this ...


Boo Mama wants us to write a post telling everyone what your goals are ...

"Whatever suits your fancy ... A list-o-goals would be perfectly fine. Here are my goals, by the way:

I am not calling it a to do list anymore ... it is an undone list
  1. organise my spare room -de clutter
  2. organise the cupboards in the garage ... after the Tool man build our new shed (this is my disclaimer
  3. sort my kitchen cupboards
  4. design my blog header ... never had one
  5. Sort my filing cabinet - chuck out junk
  6. Do 2007 -2008 tax (well maybe not by 25th July but get started on it or else we have a huge tax bill to pay in advance on 11th August)
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