I am so grateful for my THINGS but ashamed of the clutter excess.
In the last week I have been de cluttering and at same time helping a family in need or rather their children.
A young family with a 4yr, 18mon, 8 mon old and she is also 9-10 weeks pregnant...staying with people we know . They came 1000km by train and barely any possessions - carrying the children and clothes on their backs almost. They have some stored possessions but not much.
I know the Tool man and I have worked hard all our married lives, been money wise, saved and of course we are older but still I am embarrassed. Our kids have too many toys ... though many are 2nd hand and handed down from cousins/friends/ their brother and new gifts.They have lots of clothes too for same reason.
It didn't hurt me to give away our excess ...a spare high chair(we never paid for), outgrown clothes,shoes, socks, singlets, some larger sized hand me downs for 4yr old , a few toys I didn't want. Yet- they were very,very grateful. I still a fraud. I didn't give them our best things...saving some for my cousin.
It's hard to explain. We are not wealthy, we are just making ends meet on one wage but the gap between us and them is vast. A canyon in fact.
At the same time I recognise they choose to smoke (sadly even while pregnant) , spend their money on excess junk food in lieu of contraception essentials for their children. They fritter it away by not knowing the value of money. They live from day to day. The kids go without a few things.
I am not angry they prefer to spend $12.50 (or more each) on a packet of 25 cigarettes (per day) instead of socks or singlets for their babies (in winter) or even new clothes,even for themselves. I just feel sad for the children.
In the last week I have been de cluttering and at same time helping a family in need or rather their children.
A young family with a 4yr, 18mon, 8 mon old and she is also 9-10 weeks pregnant...staying with people we know . They came 1000km by train and barely any possessions - carrying the children and clothes on their backs almost. They have some stored possessions but not much.
I know the Tool man and I have worked hard all our married lives, been money wise, saved and of course we are older but still I am embarrassed. Our kids have too many toys ... though many are 2nd hand and handed down from cousins/friends/ their brother and new gifts.They have lots of clothes too for same reason.
It didn't hurt me to give away our excess ...a spare high chair(we never paid for), outgrown clothes,shoes, socks, singlets, some larger sized hand me downs for 4yr old , a few toys I didn't want. Yet- they were very,very grateful. I still a fraud. I didn't give them our best things...saving some for my cousin.
It's hard to explain. We are not wealthy, we are just making ends meet on one wage but the gap between us and them is vast. A canyon in fact.
At the same time I recognise they choose to smoke (sadly even while pregnant) , spend their money on excess junk food in lieu of
I am not angry they prefer to spend $12.50 (or more each) on a packet of 25 cigarettes (per day) instead of socks or singlets for their babies (in winter) or even new clothes,even for themselves. I just feel sad for the children.
Life isn't fair. Though part of me wonders the injustice of families who are desperate for one child or more) to 'love' and another can have so many and yet not have the means to care for them adequately. I have no doubt they love them. I try not to judge by my own expectations but it is hard.
Anyway, it was perfect timing too for this ...
Boo Mama wants us to write a post telling everyone what your goals are ...
"Whatever suits your fancy ... A list-o-goals would be perfectly fine. Here are my goals, by the way:
I am not calling it a to do list anymore ... it is an undone list- organise my spare room -de clutter
- organise the cupboards in the garage ... after the Tool man build our new shed (this is my disclaimer
- sort my kitchen cupboards
- design my blog header ... never had one
- Sort my filing cabinet - chuck out junk
- Do 2007 -2008 tax (well maybe not by 25th July but get started on it or else we have a huge tax bill to pay in advance on 11th August)
Never miss a post
9 comments :
Part of me always wonders why those that sometimes appear less deserving are blessed with as many healthy children as they desire whilst others have to endure many heartaches to ahieve creating one healthy child.
Yes dear, it is difficult to understand why people make the decisions they make...ESPECIALLY when they have children that are suffering because of them...however...there really is no understanding...and you can feel at ease knowing that you did reach out and give them some loving. loving without judgement...however rediculously impossible...is the goal...and you did amazing sweet sister.
We are all guilty of the same thing....having too much stuff!! The smilth family and vinnies love our cast offs and I always feel great when I drop a boot load up to them.
These questions seem to be going round and round right now.............
Good on you for giving them some help.
Oh, Trish! That is so sweet of you to help out that family. I know Hubby and I would have probably done the same.
Wow! They have a lot of babies very close in age!
Did you say $12.50 for a pack of cigarettes?? WOW! Neither Hubby nor I smoke, but just the price of cigarettes would be a deterrent in itself!
Ahh, yes, we are thinking along the same lines.
I wonder if we are thinking of the same person too.
@Lani: yes, I try to make it about who is deserving or not but I just don't understand the sense of it not to mention abused children.
@Paula: yes, so hard to understand their decisions or lack of them.The fellow is working casually so DH hopes to guide and give him direction in life.
@ Sally Ann:yes I cringe at why I bought some stuff and wasted money but it is good to cast off clutter to a worthy cause rather than the tip.
@Bettina: I really did it for the little kids. The couple was appreciative too and did thank us indirectly.I was happy to help.
Yes , these questions seem to come up frequently especially in the light of recent tragic child abuse cases too.
@C : when I met her she said she wasn't having any more ... I had a wicked thought ...how you going to make sure ? and do you know what makes babies? ;) LOL I never said it.
WS: I know what you mean.Not sure who you are thinking of but
I have been reading a lot of 'infertility' and stories of parents whose 'babies did not survive pregnancy' blogs this last month and it has been close to my heart how unfair it all is.
Children are as so precious and while possessions or nice things don't make you a better or more loving parent -it is the attitude of selfishness that I find hardest.
@C: that's what an acquaintance told me the other day.
I meant to add I calculated the cost of smoking a pack a day for this lady (not the young mum) @ almost $90 a week and she didn't know the true cost.I then said it was $4500 a year and she was shocked but then went outside for another 'fag' anyway.
It is fine to smoke (though terribly bad for your health)if you can afford and choose too but I feel sad when it is at the expense of buying necessities for your family.
Sometimes I think situations like this are a cycle. I would be interested in knowing if these parents had parents that did much of the same.
I have had those who have asked me if I knew that I had 'options' before my son Parker was born. In other words I could have aborted him when we first received the news of our 4% chance of him having Ds.
Cause then we wouldn't be where we are financially today, don't cha know.
We couldn't be more thrilled to have Parker.
I am surprised to read that this young mom is smoking while preggers though.
Tammy and Parker
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