Friday, 26 September 2008

Confessions from the rubber room

Sat 6th August @ Multiple MUM

There are many things I don’t understand about human nature. One of the main ones is the intense desire to judge other people.

So judging others ...It seems as though its been going forever so history tells us. Now sometimes it isn't just limited to real life and it is in the virtual world.A dear friend of mine, Tiff @ Three Ring Circus has been blogging about her family of seven beautiful children. One of them Ivy, a gorgeous two year old has been sick for a long time and they fought a battle to get her special treatment. A lot of bloggers helped out by signing a petition. I missed it all because we were away.

Now Tiff is plagued by trolls who want to bring her down. She is much loved and I suppose some people don't like it.They judge her and harshly criticize her blogging about her life as she honestly tells it and Ivy's treatment or lack of it. I don't understand it.

The trolls that is.They also probably don't understand or bother to look deeper ... like knowing the devastation and anguish Tiff and her family suffered watching their 5 day old son,and baby brother die in their arms only 4 years ago.

Do they know that Ivy gets extremely sick very quickly and though she doesn't have something much worse (who is to judge anyway) she has suffered so much in her short life since her birth @ 30 weeks. Ivy has been in hospital again for 5 days -imagine that stress and disruption to a family of seven children - 5 at school, one of them with special needs and a toddler (missing his twin and Mum) , and missing your wedding anniversary ... so to all those trolls who sit in judgement I wish you could understand how much more it is.

In real life too the need to make sure you are on par with everyone else and perhaps a bit above. The need to make sure if someone is different than you, that you are still 'good enough'…and maybe even a bit better? I don’t know why! Why can't we just accept each other for what we are ?

I personally know its hurtful when you are on the other side, but I also know that subconsciously I even do it too. Can it be ... it can be, rather than just focusing on their weaknesses or faults we focus on something else. I might not agree with and like everyone I meet but with a little understanding I can accept they want the same things in life that I do. We are just a little different.

So what if I decide to continue breastfeeding at 2 or if another friend lets her child have a bottle still ...what difference can you tell between the kids in kindergarten which one gave up their dummy or bottle or breast at 12 months or 3 yrs ?. So what !

There are also two sides to every story and even every person has a side they they might not show to others or a reason they do what they do. Leave them be.

The desire to live in a community is intense too. People want to live or rather be around other people, to be able to have a friend to ring (or email) when they are feeling down or have some good news to share, to be able to stop for a cuppa and chat or share some chow every now and then.

It is what people want to be able to do and do it everyday. I see the blogging community as an extension of our real life community. Some of us are too busy especially mums with small or sick children. We can't get out everyday so these friends are our sanity.

I am in awe of the support the blogging community has given to Tiff and even to me at times.

When people get too busy, to connect, they start to feel isolated, even though they are going from work to kids activities or thing to thing. When we aren’t able to stop and connect with others in a meaningful way we get 'down'.

I feel a little like that at the moment. I hate it being about me and I would rather not say it. However, I know so many others are hurting this same way. I have friends (real and blogging ones)I haven't connected with in ages and I feel bad about it. I am sorry to anyone I have missed!
OK, so I’ve been on a brief hiatus from serious 'blogging'. It is partly because of some people who read my blog that I would rather NOT and I made a decision that my children and family are more important. I used to do a lot of reading ,writing, commenting and a lot of stuff on the internet. Then I stopped. I sort of lost contact with a lot of people in the cyber world and even in real life.

That little “write a post today” voice starts popping back up in my head or I wonder how 'X''Y'& 'Z' is but I just don't have enough hours in the day. Still I do have a lot to say ...there is plenty of time as soon as I get more organised.

Lastly I got this by email recently

It said that every 60 seconds you spend angry, upset or mad is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Today's Message of the Day is: Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Life may not by the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

... It's my uncle's 50th Birthday today so we are off to a party . Then it is my Mum's birthday tomorrow and my dear Friend's -be sure to mark it in your diary and go her some lovin' Monday.

Never miss a post


Jeanette said...

Very well said! Tiff needs all the support she can get at the moment.
I've also eased up a bit on the personal blogging for the same reasons, so I quite understand.

PlanningQueen said...

Tolerance in the real and blogging world is so important. Hope you enjoy your parties.

tiff said...

thank you my friend. I understand the need to step back.
I miss you.

M+B said...

Well said Trish. What a great post. Hoping things are going well for you

Hey it's Amy Shipp said...

Hey Trish! I have missed you too! And lots of others also... I am going to try to be more faithful with my reading and commenting. I always love to read your posts! It is sad that the "Troll People" can't stay away... There will always be those who only focus on the negative. (Or make it up - when there's none to be found!) Stay cheerful :)

Veronica said...

Wonderful post.

Karen (miscmum) said...

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, and I'm sorry Tiff has copped it as well over at TRC. When people are like that (troll-like), I just keep saying to myself its not a reflection on ME, just THEIR issues which compels them to do ugly things.

frogpondsrock said...

Great post Trish... (((hugs))) kim xxx

Jenn said...

Fantastic post Trish. I couldn't agree with you more. I hope you enjoyed that party and am glad to see you're blogging a bit again.

Amanda said...

Well written. I understand completely. And I don't know why people have to be that way.

We miss you around here and will be happy when you make the choice to grace us with your posts more often again :)

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