Friday, 23 March 2012

What if tomorrow never comes ?


Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.
Mary Manin Morrissey

I have felt very intense emotion this week.
A well respected special education support teacher from my sons' school passed away suddenly from a brain aneurysm (so I was told) .

I can't explain why I feel so sad.
I didn't know her at all.
Though , she was 48, only a few years older than I am and it feels close.
One son knew this teacher more than the other because he saw her for some learning support.

She was a much loved, well respected community member .
My sons witnessed their teachers being upset as they broke the news . Even my five year olds were acutely aware of their teacher crying and one passing tissues to her colleague,  "helping each other" and how sad everyone was.

The newsletter advised her passing , after we all knew . They explained that the children had been visited in their classrooms by the School Counsellor and Principal to talk about dealing with grief and sadness. They encouraged parents to talk to their children about her too.

Her funeral is later today and teachers from other schools in the area volunteered to supervise the children who remain at school so all the staff could attend.

The following is something I have received by email a few times, I just needed to be reminded of it.


Take Hold of Every Moment
by Author Unknown

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

"This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package." He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

"She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on. Was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:

"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".

I still think those words changed my life. Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now.

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.

She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come. I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... letters that i wanted to write "One of this days". I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brothers and sons, not times enough at least, how much I love them.

Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives. And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

Our local radio, a very sombre voice, reads funeral notices each morning - I knew I would hear her's this morning, there were so many today.

The school noticeboard proudly displays a message of love for her today too.


Today,  I am grateful for today and the hope of tomorrows to take hold of every moment.

I think of the things I've been putting off doing and I am scheduling them in.

PS - Is it a coincidence that my oldest (yes and she is 1 day older than me) friend who I haven't spoken to in months or seen in years decided to message me today.

Finally -
Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right. 
 ~H.H. "Breaker" Morant




(I do love Garth Brooks version just as much)

Comments (22)

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Oh Trish, I am sorry. Anyone's death, no matter whether we knew them personally or not, has the potential to affect us because it reminds us of our own mortality.

I use all my 'good' stuff all the time. Actually I don't really believe in having 'good' stuff. My brother died at 23 so I've been conscious of how quickly life can change since then.

I hope you and the boys are okay.
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1 reply · active 691 weeks ago
Yes Kate, I think you nailed it - it reminds us of our own mortality mostly. My boys are ok , they just had lots of questions . I am sorry about your brother that is so young.
I am sorry to hear such sad news. I think it's moments like these that we are really reminded of what's important in life, and that life is so precious and fleeting.

I don't have any 'good' stuff. But I do have lots of things that I keep putting off, lots of cuddles to give and friends to make time for. We just never know when our time is up.
1 reply · active 691 weeks ago
Yes, Deb , life is precious and fleeting - to be lived with gusto and using all the 'good' stuff every day. I love what you have written about lots of cuddles to give.
Such sad news. I used to be a 'saver' and now I'm a 'user' of the good things. Our best plates, an expensive wedding gift, are used every single night as is our cutlery which my mother received on her wedding day... a few have broken or gone missing over the years and that's OK. Because what good is having these lovely things if we can't enjoy them?
Take care, Trish, it's hard to be confronted by anyone's death whether we knew them well or not xxx
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1 reply · active 691 weeks ago
I am mostly a user too Glow , 'savers' miss so many opportunities.
Thanks Lisa, that is very sad too about Andrew's cousin, so young.
I'm sorry Trish.

Some times death hits us doesn't it? Last year a woman I kind of knew about ten years ago died from breast cancer, and I'm still upset about it. Maybe it was the age or the fact that she had two tiny little boys, I'm not sure. But what I took away from her funeral was a life lived for God, and it's good that I remember that I think. Maybe that's why it was so poignant.
Thanks for the reminder. Xxx
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1 reply · active 691 weeks ago
A life lived for God is always something to celebrate if you know what I mean . Thanks Jess.
Wow, that's awful :( My old computing teacher died after a drawn-out battle with a terribly aggressive form of brain tumour and it was heart-breaking going to his funeral and seeing his wife and young kids sitting in the front row; the auditorium filled with teachers and students.

On a happier note, I do love that song by Ronan Keating!
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2 replies · active 691 weeks ago
Yes, it is a lovely song reminding us about love and remembering to tell the ones we love , we love them.
Watching someone die after a battle with cancer is heartbreaking . He must of 'made a mark' with his life to have so many people at his funeral.
My mum and I have a pact, of sorts. We are not permitted to save anything for 'best' or for 'one day'...

Nine months ago a dear friend of mine passed away suddenly. It's her birthday tomorrow, one she didn't know that she would miss. And that is just so sad.
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1 reply · active 691 weeks ago
Sorry about your friend , it is a great pact !
That's such sad news. :( But it's true, we have to live every moment like it was our last. My SIL had brain aneurysm and it was a huge shock to us. When I saw her in a comatose state, it just broke me down. It was a pretty scary sight but, she survived. She's in recovery. Taking it one day at a time. Sometimes I do wonder if she's happy she did all the stuff she got to do, or regret doing all the stuff she did. But I don't think I can ever ask her that or my MIL will slaughter me. And last weekend, my friend's younger brother passed away. He was in an accident. The sad thing was, both she and I were out the day before, spending a jolly good time together. Happy, laughing etc. And then she got the tragic news. It's just so devastating. Made me cherish my loved ones even more.
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1 reply · active 691 weeks ago
Your SIL is fortunate, I hope she makes a full recovery Norlin. I am sorry about your friend's brother , how tragic.

I had a young friend die following a brain aneurysm/haemorrhage , though it was eventually drawn out over 2 -3 months . It happened one week after her IVF son was born in February 2007, she passed away 2 days before Mother's day in May 2007 - never having regained real consciousness and after a few surgeries. I was shocked.
Such a beautiful article! And I love that song so much! It's ma all-time favorite, thanks for posting it!
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Great post, Trish - and now I have that song (the Garth Brooks version - heard it a few too many times over the years and shed a few too many tears with it - to even click the Ronan Keating link) (well, that and I don't want the wide-awake toddler in the next room to have an excuse to ask "what doing, Mummy)
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This is such an important message and reminder. It's something I've been learning the last 18 months since my dad died at 61 years of age. Nothing is on hold any more. We are taking holidays, doing things we want to do, because who knows when our time is up? I was given a bottle of Moet champagne last week and thought about holding on to it "for a special occasion" and decided yesterday that LIFE is special occasion enough! So we opened it! The teacher's family and friends are in my thoughts.
I always feel low after hearing about someone's death. Even if I don't know them that well. I think it's the realisation that I am getting older, and this will be something I'll hear about all too often.

I think it's a reminder to hug my family more. Treat myself better and embrace life. I often say, "You only live once. Enjoy your life."

xox
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Matt lost his mum 10years ago next month, she was 48. We were early 20's when she passed away and it made us stop chasing dreams of money and careers and start a family, it gave us insight into what was truly important to us. A very close friend of mine lost her brother a couple of months ago aged 34, I was reminded again, just how fragile life is and how unexpectedly we can leave our loved ones behind. I hope your sadness passes, take care, Loreena x
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