Thursday, 7 February 2008

Thursday Thirteen # 11 Chocolate death and rules of chocolate

13 RULES OF CHOCOLATE ~ Death by Chocolate

  1. If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

  2. Chocolate covered raisins, sultanas, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

  3. The problem: How to get 1kg (2 pounds) of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the car park.

  4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.

  5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

  6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?

  7. Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.

  8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

  9. Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

  10. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn’t that handy?

  11. If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate… what’s wrong with you?

  12. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can’t let that happen, can you?

  13. Special Rules for Men on use of chocolate ~cut and keep handy

~ The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a
man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his
own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a
driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or
significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

I received these rules by email and they are well circulated . Original Author(s) unknown ...

... if you are still with me

WARNING : 'Death' by Chocolates
You will never look at a chocolate the same way again
It is hysterical - you might have to register to peep. (free)

I haven't done a T13 for a while but go check out the new header graphics -they are awesome.

Ps - remember we are still on Top Momma ...please click as you turn out the light.


pussreboots said...

Yay for chocolate. Happy TT.

Chuck said...

I am seriously laughing right now. Well done. Mine's up.

Nicholas said...

I suspect, from reading between the lines, that you are rather fond of chocolate.

baby~amore' said...

Yes - Puss - I am fond of cats too.

Rhonda - yes - a good giggle is almost as good as chocolate.

Nicholas - I think you are a very intelligent gent.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Love them all. I wish some of them were true though. I could pretend, but the pounds would still come. Thanks for the laughs. Have a great TT. :)

The Flying Monkeys said...

You're a hoot!

Nice List! Come boogie on down to my list!

Sandy Carlson said...

My chocolate rule: you don't have to share.

Veronica said...

This has to be my favourite post today!

I read it while eating rum'n'raisin fudge. Mmmmmm!

MondaythroughSunday said...

Anything that has to do with chocolate..YES!! Great post!

Candy said...

Ooohh... I love this post. I'm going to make my husband read this! :o)

Lori said...

Great list...Chocolate goes with everything, doesnt it?? You changed your layout...nice. Its a bit white though, isnt it?? I kinda liked the blue. Happy TT my friend.

C said...

LOL! Love this post! Mmmmmmmmm chocolate!!!

baby~amore' said...

Hmm - has anyone clicked the *Here*

I confess is there - I think I should join Chocoholics Anonymous -heehee I found this link even.They were smart cookies.

mmm -did someone say cookies ?

mom huebert said...

Loved your list, as well as the guidelines for men. My daughter heard me laughing out loud and had to come look too, and now she is laughing. And I just emailed a copy to my hubby. He's always wondering what to say to me when I'm feeling bad....

(But the "Death By Chocolates" was a bit much. I couldn't watch all of it.)

Childlife said...

Too funny! Love #11 : D

Hootin' Anni said...

I'm laughing so hard on the Hormone Hostage I've completely forgot what I was going to say about 'death by chocolate'.....rofl

Great 13

SeaBird said...

Hahahaha! I love these! Especially the "diet tip."

Joyismygoal said...

how decadent:>

Natalie said...

Oh I really want some chocolate!!!!! I love chocolate! Why do we only have M&Ms in the house, that's not the best chocolate. Mmmm...chocolate...*wiping up drool*

tasha said...

Thanks for laugh -- perfect for the choco-Holiday coming up!

Tasina said...

I may print this and bring it to the grocery store every time I go. Brilliant.

SJ Reidhead said...

I am so glad I did not give up chocolate for Lent (after this). Instead, I gave up swearing!

the Pink Flamingo

Buck Naked Politics said...

A well put-together list: I couldn't agree more 9especially about chco-covered fruit).

secret agent mama said...

Best one that I've seen today, Trish!!

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