Thursday Thirteen # 11 Chocolate death and rules of chocolate

13 RULES OF CHOCOLATE ~ Death by Chocolate

1. If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.


2. Chocolate covered raisins, sultanas, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.


3. The problem: How to get 1kg (2 pounds) of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the car park.


4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.


5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.


6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?


7. Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.


8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.


9. Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.


10. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn’t that handy?


11. If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate… what’s wrong with you?


12. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can’t let that happen, can you?


13. Special Rules for Men on use of chocolate ~cut and keep handy
    

~ The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a
man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his
own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a
driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or
significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

I received these rules by email and they are well circulated . Original Author(s) unknown ...

... if you are still with me

WARNING : 'Death' by Chocolates

You will never look at a chocolate the same way again

*HERE*

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