Monday, 1 September 2014

Ten years

Time will never erase the memories of her brief life. Days turned to weeks, weeks to
[ten] years. I hold on to her memory because if I forget then it will be as if she was never here.
As time goes by, the tears may roll less often, but each one still feels the same love and loss. Our baby Charlotte is loved, cherished and missed.

Remembering our Angel ~ Charlotte Rose ~ born still 1st September 2004 and all my special friends who have known the grief of losing a baby.

Grief : it's something Ive absorbed into my life , I know it has changed me as a person. My whole life in fact. My whole circle of friends. An online and real community of compassion - some became real life friends as dear as any I have known for years.

How did I cope ?

One moment, one day at a time.

Find a good psychologist or counsellor, (or good friends) talk about him/her with your spouse/partner and anyone who'll listen, allow yourselves to cry and cry and cry for however long it takes, get to understand the stages of grief (one step forward, two steps backward), give each other the space and time you both need to grieve as individuals.

Journal your feelings, write your child a letter, create an album for her, plant a tree,join an online community spend time with people who have walked the same paths ...the best advice someone gave me was to cry whenever I felt like crying. Don't stop yourself from doing this.

What Charlotte would look like now I will never know. I don't show it but it is there - a little despair at the fact my only daughter died. I doubt a day will pass me by that I won't mourn the day she died. Don't worry - I have 'moved on'. I rarely cry , though my heart is still broken and beyond repair , I carry it more easily now.

At the same time I wonder if Sam & Joel would be here if Charlotte had lived. Did she leave to prepare the way for them. They'll never replace Charlotte but they are my sunshine and I can't imagine a life without them.