Saturday, 3 May 2014

May 3 : Changing Tracks - would you miss the dance ?

Life, loss, grief and love intertwined.  I had to think carefully about today's Everyday in May prompt ~ Changing Tracks.

I don't really need to be reminded at how fragile life is.

Reading poignant experiences of loss and remembering my own bittersweet memories of almost 10 years ago.
After 12 years infertility, I considered with awesome wonder the possibility I could actually be pregnant for the first time. 

10 years ago - Easter 2004.
600km from home, in remote country town, on a 8000 acre farm.
No one to tell or I wanted to tell in case I was wrong.
Not even my husband.
No hope of a pregnancy test kit , we were 75km from nearest pharmacy and it wasn't like I had any excuse for shopping to do.
For 3 days I waited it out , with my legs crossed.

Almost 27 weeks was all I had.

In the end all did not go as planned.
It was oft implied , by well meaning people , I would better - never -to have been pregnant to lose our daughter, tragically stillborn at 6 months. 
How wrong they were.

I am forever grateful that I had the chance and for

The dance with my baby.

This song was familiar to me , we had seen Garth Brooks in concert and my husband owned a number of his CD's.

One day while we were driving I saw heard The Dance in a new light.

Even though I was filled with terrible pain for years months after she died. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

PS Garth is still my favourite cowboy.