Saturday, 3 May 2014

May 3 : Changing Tracks - would you miss the dance ?



Life, loss, grief and love intertwined.  I had to think carefully about today's Everyday in May prompt ~ Changing Tracks.

I don't really need to be reminded at how fragile life is.

Reading poignant experiences of loss and remembering my own bittersweet memories of almost 10 years ago.
After 12 years infertility, I considered with awesome wonder the possibility I could actually be pregnant for the first time. 

10 years ago - Easter 2004.
600km from home, in remote country town, on a 8000 acre farm.
No one to tell or I wanted to tell in case I was wrong.
Not even my husband.
No hope of a pregnancy test kit , we were 75km from nearest pharmacy and it wasn't like I had any excuse for shopping to do.
For 3 days I waited it out , with my legs crossed.

Almost 27 weeks was all I had.

In the end all did not go as planned.
It was oft implied , by well meaning people , I would better - never -to have been pregnant to lose our daughter, tragically stillborn at 6 months. 
Never.
How wrong they were.





I am forever grateful that I had the chance and for

The dance with my baby.

This song was familiar to me , we had seen Garth Brooks in concert and my husband owned a number of his CD's.

One day while we were driving I saw heard The Dance in a new light.

Even though I was filled with terrible pain for years months after she died. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.


How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance


PS Garth is still my favourite cowboy.
 

Comments (16)

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There's something about the way country boys play their guitar. My dad is a country boy. He plays Garth's music on his guitar, he's been to his concerts, he hates traffic, people and noise. I have goosebumps (because I am listening to this song on my headphones as I write this) Maybe it might have been easier to miss the pain, but doesn't it change us, in ways we can't explain. No one should ever have to cope with having a 'sleeping baby'. Trish you are the only person that I don't know in real life that I cry for, not out of pity, but out of respect, love and honour. I admire you so much, your strength, your passion and your will. Em xx (and you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl)
1 reply · active 583 weeks ago
Thank you Em. Charlotte changed in me in a way I could never express.
Trish, do you know how amazing you are? Life has dealt you some really shitty blows & you keep fighting and have so much strength. Em has said it all really....I am so sorry about your angel baby. xx
My recent post Day 3: Every Day in May: Changing Tracks
1 reply · active 583 weeks ago
Thank you Lisa.
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Create Bake Make · 583 weeks ago

Oh Trish, I want to give you a hug. I've heard them all too, from "At least they passed away quickly/born sleeping" to "It wasn't meant to be". I know people do mean well (at least most of the time) but they just don't know what to say.

Thank you for introducing me to this song. Listening to the lyrics has made me cry, such beautiful song and I can certainly relate. Sending love to both you and your special girl xx
My recent post Day 3. Changing Tracks
1 reply · active 583 weeks ago
I know you are a mum to angel twins , love and light to you too Lauren. I guess people just cannot know the depth of what we missed losing our babies when they say those words.
I don't think any of us who have ever loved and lost would ever wish that love away. As Em says above - the love changes us and the pain changes us ... not for better or for worst ... it just changes us. It just 'is'.

xxx
My recent post {Weekend Rewind} Why we all need to stop fighting with ourselves
1 reply · active 583 weeks ago
Thanks Kelly .
I can't listen to this one, it is actually the main changing tracks song in my life, I have written of it before, but it's too powerful and too painful. It is one of the best songs ever written.
My recent post May 4: Your earliest memory
1 reply · active 583 weeks ago
I know , every time I hear it - it gives me goosebumps. Love and light to you Claire and thank you for these blogging prompts.
I've never really been a country music fan Trish, so thanks for introducing me to some songs, I probably would not have noticed. You are right about life, loss, grief and love intertwined, thanks for sharing!
My recent post Changing Tracks
1 reply · active 583 weeks ago
Thanks Steph - most country songs tell a life story. Garth is one of my favourites.
Garth is awesome. What a journey you have had, my lovely lady. oxoxo
My recent post My earliest memory
Thanks for such a beautiful post. It is a topic that is not spoken about enough. I too share your pain. Almost 6 years ago, my first daughter was stillborn at 23 weeks. It was the most significant, life changing event of my life so far. Thanks for getting the word out there..... xox
1 reply · active 583 weeks ago
Shelley, I am so sorry you lost your first daughter too. I agree it was one of the most significant in my life too.
I have so much love and wonder for you Trish - you are an incredible being, you truly are xx
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