Monday, 18 March 2013

Of big scary needles, little and big lumps

Edited to add I'm linking up with I must confess ...if only I'd known then what I know now, my life direction might be immensely different .

It has been a tough month I've seen two much loved women I know through the internet and a friend, both diagnosed with cancer the same time as I was , pass away. I know of two other young and vibrant women, loved and taken by cancer.

It rocks me to the core and my heart breaks for them and the loved ones they leave behind.

I am okay, for the most part , I am getting through the treatment ( now finished 7 of 17 Herceptin infusions) . My husband and I are getting back into everyday activities and trying to live full and healthy lives. I live with  fear , every little odd thing, pain or lump ...we live one day to the next.

Tuesday
Tuesday night at 11pm I found a little lump where my right breast used to live , down from my port, it was 'movable', above the scar and between my ribs. The cancer was in my left boob.

I won't deny how scared I first was, I slept a little and I kept checking to see if  it was just a nightmare or dream.

Wednesday
I wasn't going to wait and see. I rang the GP at 9am. I couldn't get into the oncology clinic.
Thankfully I got a GP appointment at 9.45am , she was running late and the waiting was intense .If anyone saw me fondling my chest - I didn't give a stuff. It was still there and I was still waiting at 10.30am.
My GP was reassuring and said she thought it was likely a cyst.
"Nothing to worry about."
Then she said to get an ultrasound "to be sure" , to be sure I wouldn't have left there without one.
As it was I already had an ultrasound appointment I'd been waiting 2.5 weeks for , for a bigger lump in my left thigh - a neurofibroma. I've had it for years and it is starting to give me grief with pressure, numbness and odd feelings down my leg.She rang to ask them to fit in my little 'chest' lump.

Thursday
I had both ultrasounds with 'technician / radiographer' on Thursday morning and waited an hour in the u/s room afterwards for the Dr. He was busy doing another procedure...nail biting stuff.

The Dr had a quick look with u/s wand too and he said he thought it looked benign but he recommended a needle biopsy, because of my history .He said he would write it in the report and then he was gone in 2mins.

[The kindly receptionist started to ask for the co-payment then changed her mind and said "I'll bulk bill you". She knows me by sight and probably name after having almost a dozen procedures there in 9 months (4 heart scans, breast u/s, mammogram, punch biopsy, bone scan, knee x-ray, leg and breast-less u/s). I was very grateful because we have out of pocket costs in the thousands already.]

I picked up my scans minus the report ...they weren't ready and would be sent electronically to my GP (- are you one of those people who open your results immediately out the door breaking the sealed warning ....only to be opened by the DR.)

Another sleepless night ensued but with a little less anxiety realising that none of this is anything I have any control over and to trust my GP.

Friday
More assurance from GP and soft words 'benign' 'nothing to worry about, unlikely to be anything of concern' ...the C word unmentioned , but in agreement with DR's report she said to have a needle biopsy. Relief , I guess, because knowing for certain it is or isn't - is more reassuring.

I rang the scan place back for another appointment and it's today at 4pm.I'm grateful I don't have long to wait (sure they fitted me in because of my history), and that they offered to bulk bill it again. Not to say I am looking forward to it but having the biopsy is another step closer to restoring calm.

All weekend I censored it from my thoughts and I'm feeling calm. I'm not scared of the biopsy, not that I enjoy being prodded by a sharp needlestick.

I just wanted to tell you again , it is so important to keep checking your breasts, go to your GP immediately if you notice, feel or see any changes and don't delay because of fear of the unknown or what lies ahead.



 

Comments (17)

Loading... Logging you in...
  • Logged in as
Dear Trish,thinking of you.

Much love
Not surprising that you're a bit freaked out by the lump, and I do hope and pray it's nothing other than one of those 'benign fluid-filled cysts' that like to scare us half to death when we first notice them. Also hope you can get the report straight away (yes, I always open and read before going back to the Dr and then google the meaning of any words I don't understand. But I found it frustrating when I was in hospital late last year and I never got to see any of the scan reports! Had to trust the Dr was telling me the full story.)
Trish, as always a wonderful reminder. You are such an amazing person to share like you do. And I, for one, am grateful. Thinking of you. X
My recent post Let Me Be The Judge
Ugh. It will be nothing. It will be great to *know* that it's nothing. For what it's worth, for me this process has gotten easier with time. The first year after my diagnosis I had to get everything even remotely unusual checked out, which as you know means appointments and scans and biopsies and the cursed waiting for results. However, by now (2+ years out) most things have been checked and okayed, or were there when I had other scans and didn't light up. So there is less to chase after a while, and you start believing it might actually be fine. Hang in there.
I hope your biopsy is easy and the results are prompt and reassuring! Will hold that intention for you.
Trish, only positive thoughts and good strong wishes for health coming your way. Thanks for reminding us.
Lisa xx
My recent post Zen Food. Congee.
Boy Trish, sometimes I can completely see how the fear of finding out is bigger than the fear of diagnosis. Damn this complicated body and all the UPS and DOWNS it brings with it. Overjoyed to hear you're in the clear. Xxxxx
My recent post Oh the Things I will Tell Her...
Claireyhewitt's avatar

Claireyhewitt · 626 weeks ago

I was on edge reading this. Trish, you have been through too much already. I would want the calm ness from knowing too. Surely they will bulk bill everything for you from now on - really!
My recent post The Easter Bunny goes online.
Oh man that sounds so freaky, and living in fear must be really hard work. Thanks for the reminder again about checking breasts. Also very sorry for your losses, they must be very confronting. Thinking of you xx
Thinking of you Trish and praying with all my might. xx
My recent post I Warned You - Martha Mudguts Has Gone Easter Crafting Nuts!!!
I can't imagine the scare you have had. I hope you get the all clear soon. I appreciate and need the reminder to self-check. Wishing you well, Trish.
My recent post Permission to be Sick
It would be hard not to worry with what you have already been through. Sounds like a hard couple of weeks Trish. I hope your taking some time out just for you within everything that is going on.
Oh gosh Trish, what a scare. I'm glad you are getting the tests needed to put your mind at ease! It will be great when you know for sure.
My recent post Week 9 - Favourite spots around my home
I've only stumbled across your blog recently...I didn't realise you'd be going through so much. Thinking of you and your family...you're in my thoughts xx
First off, so sorry for your loss, Trish. I only stumbled upon your blog recently and love it so. You've been through so much already, and I'm sorry that you're having hard times. I know from experience, that the waiting is somehow the worst part, because you don't know what you're dealing with. Apart from the fact that you turn into a human pin cushion! I got thyroid cancer twice and all that waiting for results drove me to distraction. Bulk billing and being on first name terms with hospital staff are probably the only perks of the big C, but it's better than a kick up the bum! I hardly ever used to be ill and now my doctors surgery is my second home! I get more paranoid about every lump, bump or ill feeling but if I'm worried about something untoward, I ALWAYS check with my doctor. It's so much better to be safe than sorry. And I am living proof! I've been thinking of you alot and hope you get only good news.
My recent post Meatless Monday – Karma Burgers
Oh you beautiful woman. We will hold each other hands xxxxxx
My recent post Branded.
Oh Trish, thinking of you and hoping you get a good report today. Everyone tells you not to worry but from experience I know that is impossible.
You have been through so much over the last year Trish. I am in awe of your honesty and bravery in continuing to document your journey - sending as many healthy vibes to you as I can x
My recent post I Must Confess…March Tales

Post a new comment

Comments by