Saturday, 23 June 2012

Damn Straight - double mastectomy

Just to be clear I won't be sharing photos anytime.

It is Day #3 today, if 'ground' day zero was operation day. I slept really well last night surprisingly - they only woke me 3 times from a deep sleep. My room was dark and I ditched the I'V pain relief yesterday. Three-four less cords and things to worry about tangling and alarming.

It was good to get up and about.The views to city skyline are beautiful. Getting to the bathroom with all that get up was a major event before.

The previous 2 nights I think I had pain relief drug induced hallucinogenic dreams - side effects of twilight sleeping that left me drained.

No pun intended ...but the 3 drains don't seem to bother me much at all. A breast cancer support group makes (donates) little pink bags you use to carry them around. A great way to recognise other breast patients .

The support group also make little pillows , like neck travel pillows but for your arms / no boobs or boobs if you keep them. They are soft, satiny and pink .

I have fairly strong pain relief , oral tablets Endone, taken with Paracetamol and it keeps me comfortable. I have moments where the pain bites but it is completely bearable.

Now it is a matter of getting on with everything. It is Saturday today and I should be discharged , with drains on Monday. I should only have them a few extra days.

My Surgical oncologist told me yesterday because my lymph nodes weren't clear he is organizing chemotherapy to start in a few weeks. The breast navigator nurse said it will be a month to allow for surgery to heal fully.

My chest just looks flat and neat , I had no idea because I wisely didn't google images. I didn't have much to miss really if that is a silver lining. I did not undergo any reconstruction, my choice, because of the timing and I didn't choose to wait for it to be organised. That is another path to follow later perhaps. I may not bother.

A friend told me it was a hell of a way to lose weight. I'm lucky I'm slim chested because DR said it makes it easier to have neat look.

The Chemotherapy wasn't a shock, as such , but I hoped to avoid it , if nodes were abnormal cell/ cancer free but they are not .I still don't have exact details. So be it.

I did feel teary about it initially but it is just another step in my journey.
I have hesitations sharing my journey just beginning , of course I wont share everything because some things are very personal.

I do know if it prompts one woman to do something because she has concerns after reading my story , then it is worth it. Early diagnosis is so important.

I admit, I'm still terrified, beyond measure, even after a double mastectomy. The Breast nurse told me to think of the cancer as gone and the chemo as mopping up. I never liked mopping , my husband does our mopping ...seriously I have weak ankles ;-).

It is not an easy path and I don't know much yet. I do know it is to give me best possible long term outcome so it is worth it.

I do feel very self conscious and I have miles to go towards being comfortable with the changes it is going to bring to my body and life. It is hard to feel feminine when everything is stripped from you, no wonder they use pink as breast cancer symbol.

I don't feel brave , strong or courageous right now but I feel the support of many women who have been on this journey before me , and others who are with me now. So many have sent me messages and I've spoken to others .

I sincerely thank you for the kind messages and prayers, flowers and chocolates too. I am really touched.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad so grammar police please forgive any omissions or stuff ups.

Comments (48)

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Thanks for the updates Trish. Been thinking about you.
Stay strong...you are doing so well.
xxx
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2 replies · active 681 weeks ago
Yay for silver linings and better than expected pathology results! X
1 reply · active 681 weeks ago
I'm here for your in this online universe Trish. xx And I do hope the chemo will mop up all the stuff they're suppose to clean up!! xx
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1 reply · active 681 weeks ago
xxxx
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1 reply · active 681 weeks ago
Yay for not too horrible pathology! Chemo is another journey entirely, but you'll manage it with grace as you've shown over the past week or so :-)
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
Thank you for sharing your journey. What you can. Don't feel you have to share everything. We're all thinking of you x
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
I have been thinking about you a lot and have been praying you will recovery quickly from the surgery. Bad news about the chemo, I hope you get through that well too. Rachel
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
Thanks for sharing. You have so many people behind you, sending love and beat wishes for whatever comes your way. The grace with which you approach these challenges is admirable. X
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
Sweet very gentle cuddles from me! You are so brave.
1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
I have been thinking about you and your journey. Your story reminds me how vigilant I must be as my Mum had breast cancer at my age. I have all my positive vibes going your way and hugs to your family
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
And you still manage to joke about the mopping ;)
You're such an inspiring and brave lady. I know you don't feel it and it's not your intention, you just are. So glad they're taking great care of you. Sending you love and support. Praying every day xxx
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
you are a strong wonderful woman Trish! We are all thinking of you, glad you are not in too much pain x
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
So sorry to hear this, thinking of you and admiring your grace.
1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
Still sending good thoughts your way! Soon this will all be a memory and you will be on with your life.
1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
My grandma had a mastectomy back in 1969, she was a tough cookie and beat the beast, it took her a few years to feel feminine again, but she said she'd rather not have the breast than be dead, she said "I still have so much gardening to do". 30 years later she was still gardening... Odds and stats say I might be next in line, so I'm being quite vigil.

I'm sending you all my strength and love Trish, and lots of happy and positive thoughts to fill those scary moments of doubt and uncertainty. All will be well xxxxx
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
Thankyou for sharing your journey, even though it must be tough.
Praying for you and your family
Hayley xx
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
Love you, Trish. I appreciate you sharing your journey, if only, because it puts so many things in perspective for me and I suspect for many others. We take so much for granted. I looked down at my chest, as I was reading, trying to imagine it flat. I couldn't. You don't think about it , until it's gone.

Keep well...
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
Thanks for sharing your journey Trish, I am sending positive vibes your way and I know you are an amazing woman and sharing what you have is amazing also, Thank you.
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
Blessings times infinity
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
Thanks for sharing, I hope you're doing okay behind the screen.
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
What a woman you are!! Just so you know I have my boobs a really good feel yesterday - thanks to you sharing. Hang in there and sending all the healthy vibes I can your way Trish.
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
tears here, :( no words, lots of love xoxo
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1 reply · active 680 weeks ago
So I'm stalking your archives right back. Can you believe you're the only person I know who's had a masectomy too. Every other B.C. new friend has had a lumpectomy. I find the lopsidedness of one D sized breast and a flatty very strange and annoying. I may opt for a second masectomy next year to remove the worry of another cancer and of swimming in circles. It's all such a shock when it happens that you just can't think clearly. Now I feel like a bit of a war horse, scarred and toughened. I'd do it all again though for my kids. They are the ones we work through all this crap to survive for. Can you e mail me as I have a few questions for you if you are up to it?

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