Saturday, 23 June 2012

Damn Straight - double mastectomy

Just to be clear I won't be sharing photos anytime.

It is Day #3 today, if 'ground' day zero was operation day. I slept really well last night surprisingly - they only woke me 3 times from a deep sleep. My room was dark and I ditched the I'V pain relief yesterday. Three-four less cords and things to worry about tangling and alarming.

It was good to get up and about.The views to city skyline are beautiful. Getting to the bathroom with all that get up was a major event before.

The previous 2 nights I think I had pain relief drug induced hallucinogenic dreams - side effects of twilight sleeping that left me drained.

No pun intended ...but the 3 drains don't seem to bother me much at all. A breast cancer support group makes (donates) little pink bags you use to carry them around. A great way to recognise other breast patients .

The support group also make little pillows , like neck travel pillows but for your arms / no boobs or boobs if you keep them. They are soft, satiny and pink .

I have fairly strong pain relief , oral tablets Endone, taken with Paracetamol and it keeps me comfortable. I have moments where the pain bites but it is completely bearable.

Now it is a matter of getting on with everything. It is Saturday today and I should be discharged , with drains on Monday. I should only have them a few extra days.

My Surgical oncologist told me yesterday because my lymph nodes weren't clear he is organizing chemotherapy to start in a few weeks. The breast navigator nurse said it will be a month to allow for surgery to heal fully.

My chest just looks flat and neat , I had no idea because I wisely didn't google images. I didn't have much to miss really if that is a silver lining. I did not undergo any reconstruction, my choice, because of the timing and I didn't choose to wait for it to be organised. That is another path to follow later perhaps. I may not bother.

A friend told me it was a hell of a way to lose weight. I'm lucky I'm slim chested because DR said it makes it easier to have neat look.

The Chemotherapy wasn't a shock, as such , but I hoped to avoid it , if nodes were abnormal cell/ cancer free but they are not .I still don't have exact details. So be it.

I did feel teary about it initially but it is just another step in my journey.
I have hesitations sharing my journey just beginning , of course I wont share everything because some things are very personal.

I do know if it prompts one woman to do something because she has concerns after reading my story , then it is worth it. Early diagnosis is so important.

I admit, I'm still terrified, beyond measure, even after a double mastectomy. The Breast nurse told me to think of the cancer as gone and the chemo as mopping up. I never liked mopping , my husband does our mopping ...seriously I have weak ankles ;-).

It is not an easy path and I don't know much yet. I do know it is to give me best possible long term outcome so it is worth it.

I do feel very self conscious and I have miles to go towards being comfortable with the changes it is going to bring to my body and life. It is hard to feel feminine when everything is stripped from you, no wonder they use pink as breast cancer symbol.

I don't feel brave , strong or courageous right now but I feel the support of many women who have been on this journey before me , and others who are with me now. So many have sent me messages and I've spoken to others .

I sincerely thank you for the kind messages and prayers, flowers and chocolates too. I am really touched.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad so grammar police please forgive any omissions or stuff ups.