Thursday, 14 February 2013

Roads to Recovery

Cancer has challenged my life completely. Twice in two years if you count my husband's cancer. It is the same for any traumatic or stressful life event we go through the processes and start healing,  again.


Our tree-change was initiated because of my husband's cancer. I was diagnosed less than 5 months after we moved here. It has been difficult being away from family and friends but we stayed for many reasons I won't go into now.


Recovery, after the door has closed on active ['aggressive' chemo] treatment is the next step on the journey. A new door has opened and I'm on the road to recovery ; 8 months after I was diagnosed. I have miles to go ...




Treatment now is focused on preventing the cancer from returning. I am still having an IV treatment called Herceptin every 3 wks till October . I've also just started on anti-hormone therapy - Tamoxifen which I'll take every day for 5 yrs.

The drugs I am taking chemically force me into early menopause. I may change to a different medication once they decide I'm fully menopausal.

The whole cancer journey has taken an emotional and physical toll on our my everyday life. It's like a roller-coaster...don't ask about the mood swings.


I've been experiencing a few side effects with joint and muscle pain. I still get fatigued and suffer with insomnia. I take medication to help me sleep most nights. Hot flushes are very unpleasant and they wake me up (hubby too when I toss back sheets and forth and thrash around).

My left underarm was affected by the removal of all my lymph node on that side. It feels like it was chopped off and not reattached properly. It wasn't. It is tight and an uncomfortable feeling but not really painful , though I get sharp jabs occasionally across all my scars and surgical site.

I don't like any pressure on my chest or underarm so I rarely wear my silicon boobs prostheses or bra.I only wear them out sometimes and remove them as soon as I get home. The bra puts pressure on my port (for IV medications - I'm not sure how much longer after Oct I'll have that.). The prostheses make me very itchy for some reason.

Yet, I know I will never go through reconstruction because I cannot face my fear of more surgery. I am happy as it is. I'm capable of feeling feminine without cleavage.

Honestly, I don't feel a right to complain at all, about anything . I know there are other young mothers and women, especially in a Facebook group I joined recently, preparing for a different journey ~ funeral planning, living with intense pain and trying to 'make' as many memories as they can with their children.

Heart breaking stuff. Enough said.


The roads steps I'm taking - one step at a time and in no particular order ...

Taking Time to heal ...  I know things will still be difficult for a while and I'm being patient. I'm trying to find better ways to deal with my stress, fear and depression.

Re-establishing a regular routine ... I don't really have a job to return too though I am still keeping the books for our own business; which has been on hiatus.

Now that the kids have returned to school I will try to structure my day better ...read - less time on the internet. Though I do spent a lot of time reading information not playing games. {what is Candy crush?}

I take time to rest when necessary and I include some pleasurable activities too. Housework unfortunately still is an avoidance activity. I'd rather have fun.

I walk everyday because research indicates exercise is vital to help prevent cancer returning plus weight gain. I'm just starting to run again too - in preparation for Mother's Day classic.

Though I've posted these tips before I pulled them 'out' again to remind myself . I like post-it /sticky notes...my memory is shocking.


I can't live in fear of my future ...

My cheeky boys help me with #7 and so does my hubby.

I manage a few of these every day.

I stopped drinking alcohol [wine] 5 months ago though I used to find it helped me relax and unwind. Mentally, I can't 'drink' because I've read the risk of re- occurrence is higher.

“Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous or unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and, carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well.” ~ Maya Angelou
I'm not sure where we will end up on this road but we are having fun on the way...Did you see our Color Run post below.

Now it's my turn to ask you a question-

What is one thing you would like to look back on in 20- 30 years time and be able to say you had done? 

Could it be something like sky-diving, a bridge climb, visit world heritage site or learning a new language or .........?





I had to update this post to share this inspirational and heart breaking story - an interview at Planning with Kids about Connie living with 'terminal' breast cancer  at  Love Your Sister 

Actor - Samuel Johnson’s sister Connie is dying of breast cancer so he’s setting out on an epic challenge. He’s riding 15,000kms around Australia on a unicycle to raise $1 million for cancer research.
 Please support them on Facebook too - Love Your Sister



Comments (19)

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Trish, you have so much grace. It's how you carry yourself through out your journey that inspires me to want to do the same. I appreciate you sharing your journey with me so much. For educating me. Thank you xxx
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1 reply · active 644 weeks ago
Thank you Vicki - I am so touched by many people far and wide that support me and send me lovely little surprises like your candle.
Goodness you're a wise lady Trish. I hope you are proud of the way you are walking this journey. If you are not, you should be xo
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1 reply · active 644 weeks ago
I have a lot of support Bree , so I feel more comfort than adversity and that helps. Thank you.
it is heart-breaking just to know that someone knows that they will be gone soon and have limited time left with their kids. Prayers out to the ladies in your group too.
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1 reply · active 644 weeks ago
Thanks Ai , it is very confronting to see them post their journey and watching in awe at their grace through extreme adversity.
I can't imagine how you are coping with all this. I know how hard it is for me dealing with all my crud so my heart goes out to you.

Thinking of you with love
1 reply · active 644 weeks ago
Thank you Pixie. There are many people who going through tough times, I hope it gets easier for you too.
Hi Trish, thank you for sharing all of that. You know, your words are inspirational for people who are not even going through what you are. I also loved Maya Angelou's quote. Wow. As for looking back, I'd like to say I'd learned the piano and travelled the world.
2 replies · active 644 weeks ago
Is there anything stopping you Rachel ? (well except for money).
Thank you
Time for the first one, money and time for the other. But it will happen!
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Hi Trish,
I am a breast cancer survivor and I had to go off Tamoxfin after a couple of months due to having every side-effect under the sun especially severe depression and full-on sweats... I would be literally wringing wet, like coming out of the shower and it was very embarrassing. Had to "dry" off Tamoxfin for 9 weeks before going on Armidex and no side-effects except for some tightness in the fingers/knuckles.
Wishing you all the best in fighting off the cancer and stay positive. :)
1 reply · active 644 weeks ago
Thank you Kazzie , I hope you are continuing along as well as you can be.
i have some tightness in my fingers and knuckles and one knee ...the knee I was fully aware of as a symptom of old age ;) possibly - the knuckles/fingers I wasn't and it is a new thing.
Thanks for sharing what you've been and are going through Trish. To answer your question...the one thing I would like to look back and say I've done is...simple - I'm glad I did have my 3 kids despite them all being unplanned. I'm grateful I had them and be able to go through the trials and tribulations of being a mother. It's not an easy ride and nobody said it was but it is an experience that I will never forget.
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I just can't wait for you to get better Trish. I hate hearing you go through this, but you are strong and an incredible example of woman.

In 20 years I want to look back and know I did the right things by my girl. That despite my chaotic life she grows up happy and confident because of actions I've taken. xx
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I love your approach throughout your illness Trish - practical, positive and inspiring. And if it makes you feel any better, I'm a housework avoider too, been that way for quite some time now! Good luck in training for the Mothers Day Classic - go you!
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I really stop and take heed of my how great my life is whenever you write about your steps ahead, the positive attitude you are taking and some of the horrible side affects you are living with. I hope in 20 to 30 years time I can look back and say I had done all I could to make my children and my husband happy. At the moment I think I'm failing at that, and using my young children is no excuse to why I'm not coping. But I know what I have to do - but some demons are hard to fight, especially when genetics are involved. Thanks for sharing your survival story Trish x
I'm reading this with tears, Trish. It's just really moved me beyond words.
I'll look back in 20 - 30 years and say that I loved my family with all my might and with every fibre of my being. That I did all that I could for them.
Thank you for always being such an inspiration.
Big hugs x
I love your site! You will be in our prayers and thoughts! Nice and informative post
on this topic thanks for sharing with us.Thank you

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