Thursday, 20 September 2012

The Choice

Life has been fragile , frantic and mostly mundane. I woke in the early hours last night , as I did the night before, and the night before that filled with negative thoughts and of people disappointments.
My nights days are interspersed with joy and optimism as well as darkness and pessimism at losing control on the roller-coaster of treatment , appointments and nasty side effects.

Today, I'm working hard to choose not to dwell on the people and things disappointing me. I'm biting my metaphorical tongue and I won't over share the negative.

Making me thankful today ..

# Our local library / librarians who are ordering a book in I inquired about today - immediately , I didn't even have to ask.

Waking the Warrior Goddess: Dr. Christine Horner's Program to Protect Against and Fight Breast Cancer.

A special friend sent me a link to it . It will help me gain back a sense of control as I learn more about breast cancer and also much about the healing power of nutrition in the healing of breast cancer.

# Last Friday I was feeling very unwell and vomiting. It wasn't nausea and vomiting related to the chemo exactly more likely a bug I picked up because of reduced immunity.

I knew I was getting a bit dehydrated from not tolerating even water , so I finally decided to head into the hospital about 10pm which meant taking sleeping boys , who stayed fast asleep , with us. Hub dropped me off at the door to emergency. When I knew I was staying , I sent him a message to send him home.[Hub took the boys back to the other farm and returned at midnight to see how I was]

As I also had a temperature above 38 ° I had a very swift trip straight through triage and into an isolation bed. This is because having chemo reduces your ability to fight infections and I could have had sepsis- which is life threatening. It wasn't thankfully. The treatment was outstanding.

Most especially was meeting in emergency, by coincidence , Nurse Z - is the partner of  Y, a friend of an online forum friend, X from Newcastle (did you get all that  Y & X were nursing colleagues too. I have never met any of them) - Z, is a Breast cancer survivor (She recently finished radiation). We were recently linked on FB due our common denominator , country town location and breast cancer. Though we had never met, it was a 'CLICK' I know you ! moment when we saw each other.

I am so thankful Z was my nurse and was caring for me - kindly - and slipped her hand into mine so I could crunch squeeze her hand when they accessed my port for the IV. [Yes, it hurts briefly when they stab you with a huge short , bent , needle in the chest - when you have no local anaesthetic patch before hand - She knew because she had a port with her treatment].

ps that is not my chest I am not that hairy :)
Some of the nurses in the local hospital also wear Hot Pink hospital 'scrub' shirt uniforms with the pale pink breast cancer ribbon embroidered on them [ I know it is for Breast Cancer awareness] .

Z's - shirt had "Feel your boobies". I know it made me laugh too , when I feeling very crappy ordinary .

Even the Drs were very attentive and listened carefully. The Xray guy was very kind too.

I was so grateful to go home the next afternoon. I love my own bed and home, and I know home is safer than a hospital filled with germs and sick people.

# Today, I also received a gorgeous letter via snail mail from a lovely reader, K - and the envelop was filled with smile postcards. So I can pay it forward ...and I will.

I know that it was a very simple random act of kindness that brightened my day.

What are you thankful for this week ?
What do you know this week ?