Monday, 19 December 2011

Ok , now ... moving on

The last 5 days have been nerve wracking, to say the least. Last Thursday my husband had another round of followup - CT scans of his head, temporal regions and a chest CT.

I know I live by faith not fear , however it doesn't make us immune to illness, stress, depression and cancer.

We knew the scans were coming and it is only after M has them that the worry sets in like concrete. Hard and heavy.

It has almost been 17 months since M finished his radiation therapy. We planned our road trip around his three monthly appointments. M is well despite troublesome headaches; they attribute mostly to stress.

Today, we were SO relieved that there is no evidence of recurrent disease where his tumour was and no local recurrence in his chest etc. (I love this image a friend posted of fireworks on my Facebook)


As we sat waiting in the newly renamed, Crown Princess Mary Cancer Care Centre - try saying that in one breath , I knew that everyone was there, like us, hoping for good news. A sea of quiet sombre faces.

A young mother was seated nearby bearing tubing, hanging from her clothing about the waist and a dark fluid filled drainage vac/bag. She was there with 2 little boys and her husband.I felt teary.Most of the others were older folks. Lots of bald heads, you try not to look, at as you walk the corridors ... men and women, young and old. No one is immune to the scourge of cancer.

Fortunately we walked out with good news.M queued up to book more appointments for 3 and 6 months time. It is a blessed relief to be moving on and making those appointments in a way.

We then went upstairs to book a different, PET, scan for February. There was a lady in the waiting room who overheard my hub mention his two Drs names to the receptionist booking his appointment. The lady mentioned they were her husband's Drs and he was having his scan right then.

She continued taking , without us really asking much ; He was diagnosed a week ago, on his kidney, the lovely Drs, her nightmares, not sleeping, not eating, starting radiation and then surgery (reverse of what M had because he had surgery first then radiation) and the what if's ... I knew exactly what she meant.

It wasn't a very long chat but at that moment in time, I hope, we communicated HOPE and shared the confidence we had in her husband being in the right hands with same Drs - how amazing was that in a huge hospital like Westmead

I am guessing her situation is compounded by being confined to a wheelchair, with several fused fingers/hand on the ends of both her elbows (She had virtually no forearms...and I didn't ask.) She showed us and told us she was chewing her nails off.

Then she said her husband's first name - and it was the same as my husband. Freaky. We told her  ...She laughed and said " So you are a sh*t.head too then ?" We all laughed but I disputed it !

I still wanted to hug her and say "It will be ok " but it didn't seem right plus she was holding her tapestry (I am in awe of how she managed it with her hands/fingers/forearms disability). 

Who am I to know ? how it all will end ? 

Step by step is all I can manage. I gave her my Cancer Care newsletter instead. I realise now I didn't even tell her my name or ask hers ( Sam, my 5yr old would have asked her in a flash,had he been there.)

Was it a chance meeting or what ?

Anyway , I can also say we are moving on. Today the Real Estate rang to say they have leased our home . We have to be out in 3 weeks + 3days. It is being leased to 4 young doctors in their final year of medicine who need to be close to our local hospital.

It's another huge step for us, moving on, though we rather we had just sold - it gives us a safety net to come back to. True be told, I've been sweating on the results to know we could still move to the farm and not have a reason to stay ... if you know what I mean.

Moving on ...

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