Sunday, 5 September 2010

Dance with my father again

Happy Father's Day , Daddy & Dad...
For some people it is both a celebrated day and one for remembrance.
Sam and Joel adore their Daddy.
(I do too)
M is the best Dad, he spends a lot of time with our boys giving them a secure foundation in love.
They follow him everywhere.
I love him so much for being a 'hands on Dad', with twins he didn't have much choice but to be ...though I know it was a choice he would have willingly made.
He has most definitely risen to the challenge and has every day since their birth ... I'd never have done it without him.
Some days are hard but we get by ...
Last night he even cleaned up the vomit ... (warning when you think your kid is faking a sick tummy because he doesn't like dinner maybe believe him.)
Ok he's not all perfect.
Sometimes I get annoyed at my husband.
Nothing specific and mostly about nothing absolutely important .
After a long day with the boys
and if he is late home
and it's the witching hours between 5 and 6 ...
when he walks in the door I'm a real Bitch touch grouchy.
I don't know why and I have no excuse except I am worn down.
I get snarly ... just because he didn't do it my way.
I love him so much, just sometimes I forget to appreciate him and show him.
I wrote this a while back , it still fits.

Dear M
I pray that we will have a respite from the struggles and can pause for a moment or maybe even a few months, to just reflect and recognize all that we do have and enjoy it simply for what it is, without thinking about what it is not.

You are a good and responsible Dad, where you can possibly find a way to help, you will... beyond measure. Even at the expense of physical and emotional pain.

Over the years you have worked very hard for our family to find a balance in everything.You amaze me with your strength and tenacity.Our sons are going to be incredible Dads someday, owed mostly to your spirit and love.

Six years ago our daughter ~Charlotte~ was stillborn 5 days before Father's day, it was a very difficult Father's day that year.

Five years ago just over a week before Father's day my father died at 63yrs ...much too young.

Sometimes I feel really sad that my Dad never got to meet S & J or even know I was pregnant. A miracle in itself.
I feel sad beyond words that S & J will never feel the great bear hugs he gave, often, to everyone whether they liked it or not.
He was a kind and generous man my Dad.
They will never know what a wonderful man he was in real life , he is just a photo on the wall to them.
A photo I know where they cropped out my nephew as Dad held him high one arm. My nephew loved his Poppy.
S & J would have too.
I miss him.
Happy Father's in heaven Dad.
I wish ...

I still remember him crying on my Wedding day and dancing with him.
I feel sad too knowing my husband will never get to dance with his daughter ...
Still it's been a lovely day, hope you made lots of happy memories with your Dad's or children's Daddy.

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